I love you... but I still like to sleep with other people

new post to The Confessional

Those of you who have gotten to know me through my blog know that I'm many things to women...some might misconstrue me as a player(but i resent that because I'm always sincere about my intentions), a bit of an ass, a jerk, and so on and so on. But I'm straight up. There is one thing I do not condone. And that's cheating. It makes me very sad when I realise that many women go into relationships already resigned to the fact that their boyfriend/fiancee/husband (delete as appropriate) is going to cheat. Or vice versa. it shouldnt be so.

I got into a heated debate with my flatmates on the weekend. The issue;

If your significant other cheats on you, would you stay with them?

My answer: A flat NO

Flatmate1:"What if you were married?"

Me:"No"

Fl1:"But what about "till death do us part"? you would be breaking your vows!"

Me:"What about "forsaking all others, be faithful.."? She already broke them"

"Essentially, she has taken our marriage, our union and shared that with someone else, I'm not saying I wont forgive her, I will in time, but the marriage is over"

Fl2:"What if you have kids?"

Me:"Still no"

Fl2:"So you will let your kids grow up in a broken home? You need to think of what's best for them"

Me:"I am thinking of what's best for them. The truth is whether I stay or leave, they will be growing up in a broken home. I will never look at their mother the same way again. She is no longer my wife..and that's biblical. In leaving, I believe I'm setting the right example for my kids. You don't stay with somebody that treats you badly, cheating or otherwise. Kids pick up on these things and it affects them in later life. I dont want my daughter thinking 'My boyfriend is cheating on me. It hurts, but the same thing happened to my mom, and she still stayed with my dad and worked through it....repeatedly"

Fl1:"It's funny because now that I think of it, the two people saying they'll stay are in long term relationships, and the two that are saying they'll leave are single. You dont know how it is"

(did I mention I wasnt alone in my conviction?...enter the SenseTalker!!)

ST:"You have a point. But does the fact that you are in a long term relationship and very invested mean that you should continue to take shit? Sometimes you need to cut your losses"

Me: "Also, to go back to your earlier argument, I'm tired of this notion that children need to have everything sugarcoated for them. Sometimes, when things arent ok, they need to be told things arent ok! So they dont go out and make the same mistakes that you made. I'm not saying to tell your 6 year old that daddy is a cheating scumbag, but when they're in their late teens and understand some of the vilitudes of life, you might want to tell them what has happened in your life, how it affected you, how you dealt with it, how you pulled through, the mistakes you made along the way"...which brings me to another point...

Why do parents, nigerian ones in particular insist on portraying an infallible image to their children?

....but that's another days rant.

We went on and on with neither side backing down..even though our argument made way more sense :-P

I have a friend who has been in two relationships in the time that I've known her. Both guys have cheated on her relentlessly...and she knows they have. She calls me all the time crying, upset because she saw him with some chick, or she read an email or a text, or he's on the phone for hours after he tells her he's going to sleep. My standard response; "Leave him"

Then she comes up with excuses,

"But I dont have the energy to start looking for another boyfriend now"
Who said you have to? Maybe you need to try and be by urself for a while...figure out what you want out of life...outside of a man.

"If I can just get him to stop"
You really think that's going to happen?

"I love him".
He doesnt seem to love you very much does he?

SHE WANTS TO MARRY THIS DUDE!!! *shakes head*

You might have noticed that I dont have very much patience for cheaters, and the people that stay with them. I'm not saying that all situations are the same, I recognise that there might be some other issues. But if your SO(significant other) cheats on you more than once, that should be bye-bye. For me, it's one strike...but that's me.

If I ever cheated in a relationship, I would expect to be treated the same way. I would love to be forgiven and taken back, but should I be kicked to the curb, I would understand completely.

The truth is, where is a relationship supposed to go from there. Trust is lost, resentment begins to take root. The guilty party becomes defensive because of the lack of trust..constant fights, which might eventually lead to him or her cheating again..or better still, the wronged party seeking revenge by engaging in his or her own indiscretions. I've been entangled in one of these webs before, so I know, it's not pretty.

I might be viewed as myopic because of this, but I've broken off relationships because I was liable to cheat. The way I see it, if I cant keep it in my pants for her, then I dont deserve to be with her. Or I cant care about her as much as I say and think I do. Its that simple.

Anyway, blogville, I'd like to hear your views. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife/partner cheats. Stay or go?

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