In an otherwise drab, meaningless existence. writing is one of the very few things that bring me joy. I can have the absolute worst day, but then the moment I put words down, my mood is lifted, my spirit lighter.

That said, I need a new spot (to chill, to meet people etc) and new acquaintances.

It occured to me over the weekend that my societal life, as it stands, revolves solely around three avenues;

Work, Blogging and Church (which the bloggers express disbelief at). YES I GO TO CHURCH!!!

i'm not a heathen :p

And then there's my (new) home which doesn't really count as societal living since I'm living by myself (woohoo!)

So where does this leave me when it comes to meeting new people?

Work: Can't really meet/date anyone at work. Can't let life interfere with my paycheck.

Blogging: I have met people of blogger, some hot ones too, but I'm a little skeptical about dating anyone that knows that much about me. If they'd even have me.

Church: And this seems to be where all the action happens. There's

-Daytona, the girl that had me in knots earlier in the year, looking like a romance about to be rekindled, but I'm not sure what to do here because I threw myself at it hard last time aroun, hit a brick wall and was broken. I don't want that to happen again. I just wish she'd stop looking at me with those piercing unreadable eyes.

- Frisco, who I'm cool with now, but dont know how long we'll be cool if I start dating someone else in the church.

-then there's young, always perfectly put together hottie Tamia, whose consistent flirtatious smiles and lingering hugs tell me something's afoot. Ok, it was actually a mutual friend that told me somethings afoot, but the other stuff backed it up. Helps that I've always had a thing for her, but my cousin (who is also her friend) warned me under penalty of something hideous to leave it alone. Especially with the earlier Frisco constraint.

So that's it. Those are my social spheres. Where will I meet women? I've lost the drive or will to go out of my way to meet anyone. Especially without a wingman.

Well, I guess there's the gym. Hmm, right, the gym! Where the women are trim, and fit and can *ahem* keep up. They even have poledancing classes at mine :)

Now I just gotta weed through the butterfaces.

I really shouldn't be putting up two posts in one day, but I saw the ad and just couldn't contain myself.

Seriously? Really? I am flabbergasted. I mean...are you for real??? You took offence at THAT?!?! I got to the end of the ad still waiting for the bit where Sony insulted my home country.

People are acting like Sony purposely made that ad in order to insult Nigeria. They are a sales company. They are selling products. And Nigerians....GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELVES!!!

I don't understand the self-importance many Nigerians have assumed. That whole "emi ke" attitude is terribly misplaced, I'm afraid.

The FACT is Nigeria is a corrupt, mismanaged republic. This mischief is instigated and propagated (kai, big big grammar) by the uppermost governments, piped through subsidiaries and filtered down to the majority of the constituents.

The FACT is there is a Nigerian man/woman/boy/girl sitting in a cybercafe at this very moment perpetrating identity fraud.

The FACT is that my spam filter is loaded with emails from "Nigerian Princes" on a daily basis.

The FACT is that many people in the Western world (let's not comment on their intellect) have been harmed by these scams.

The FACT is that our artists put out music like "Maga don pay", "I go chop your dollar"...."Yahooze"...yes, you know the dance to that one; and we happily accept them glorifying what is wrong with our country.

But let a people who have actually been adversely affected by the maleficence prevalent in our country comment...it's outrage. GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELVES!

-We laughed when they made fun of the Chinese for pirate DVDs

-We laughed when they made fun of Americans for being fat

-We laughed at the people that voted for Sarah Palin

-We laugh when they make fun of rednecks and hillbillies

But let them make fun of us? Outrage!!!

Are we really that proud a people? If so, and I ask this in all sincerity  because I may not be fully informed, what have we to be proud of? I would really appreciate an answer if anyone sees it fit.

------------------------------------------------------

A Proud Nigerian who isn't proud of Nigeria

I've come out of retirement to say a few words on a topic that Toluwa discussed in her last post and further a comment Tairebabs made.

I should start off by saying (so I'm not crucified) that I'm proud to be Nigerian...wrote this if u doubt it.

Nigeria is getting a lot of bad publicity lately, true.

Nigeria is undeserving of such riducule, false.

If you ask me, what you see is what you get with our "once great nation". Nigeria is a country that has been constantly sliding down the slippery slope of corruption, greed and duplicity since the time she was made a republic.

At least she's consistent.

The reality is, our country has very little left to be proud of. I for one am simply proud because I was created in God's image, Nigerian, therefore, there must be good in us.

My low opinion of our motherland has absolutely no bearing, however, on Nigerians. Some Nigerians.

There are many upstanding Nigerian citizens and those are the people I respect and am proud of. You will never see those people covered in the news though. Those people will never get the publicity that our most degenerate get.

Why?

Because, in the words of Chris Rock, "that's what you're supposed to do".

Just like ducks on a lake aren't newsworthy, honest, law-abiding citizens aren't exactly "Breaking News".

I'm yet to see this Sony ad that seems to have everyone up in arms. But I doubt I'll be perturbed by it. If the things it highlights are true, who am I to be insulted by truth?

So I will continue to be proud of my upstanding brothers and sisters and MYSELF for being the best Nigerians we can be and showing the world the good our people are capable of. But as far as my country Nigeria is concerned... I have only indifference.

Dear Friends,

It would seem I have run out of stuff to write. Not stuff to write about, no, I have plenty of those. Its the actual words that elude me.

So, without much ado, (barring any sudden bouts of inspiration) I will be retiring my pen/keyboard. Thank you all for reading while it lasted. We had a good run.

Fare well my friends.

Scribbles

I just scrolled back through my blog feeds on blogger dashboard and, yup, the last post I read was over a week ago. I must apologize.

I look at your blog posts and go, "Oh that looks interesting" and then I close the page. Dont worry tho, summer will soon be over and this lethargy that has consumed my will to read will dissipate. Till then, hasta luego amigos y amigas

It had started off innocently enough. Friends in high school until they went to college in different cities. They had kept in touch though, finding as they matured that they shared a lot of the same unorthodox opinions about life.
They became best friends, or as much best friends as a thousand miles of separation would allow. They talked about their lives and their loves, their hurts and their regrets. They shared almost everything.
Then the pressures of life began to take their toll and, inevitably, they drifted apart.
They had only got back in touch recently. She just over a bad break-up and him being the wet shoulder.
And once again, they talked about their lives and their loves and their hurts and their disappointments. And sex.

It started innocently enough. Light flirting interspersed with cleverly placed innuendo. Gradually progressing until one day, she found herself getting wet to the sound of his voice. She thought about him that night and fell asleep with her fingers in her panties.
The next day he announced that he would be in her city on business and that it would be nice to catch up.
This was conflicting news for her. On the one hand, she would get to see her long-time friend again for the first time in nearly a decade. On the other, seeing him might ruin the perfect fantasy she had dreamt up about him. And of even more concern, he might blow it out of the water and blow her mind. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.
After his announcement, they had descended to levels of verbal titillation that would make a phone sex operator blush. Their conversations always ended with one or both of them irresistibly turned on and the anticipation grew within them like a swelling wave waiting to crash with the force of their simultaneous orgasm.
And now the time had finally come. He was on a plane headed in her direction. He would be touching down any minute now and she crossed her legs to contain the longing welling up between her thighs. Any second now, he would walk through the glass doors to the left of where she sat. Any second now.

*********
He walked along the moving walkway deep in thought. He would be spending a few weeks in this city. Away from work for most of it and he planned to make the best possible use of the time. He planned to have fun. So he had planned and plotted and charted the perfect holiday. And now he mulled over the details as he walked. So engrossed in his plan was he that as he walked through the glass doors and into the lobby, he nearly missed her.
He saw her smile out of the corner of his eye, he turned to look and there she was. A vision in a low cut blouse. 36DDs staring out at him, he smiled back at her.
"Hello Uche."
"Hello Akin."

He hugged her, and didn't let go for what must have been at least 5 minutes. She smelled like vanilla and he began to feel himself stir. He let her go.
She wouldn't meet his eye the entire drive back to her apartment. She kept her eyes on the road even though he knew she knew he couldn't take his eyes off her. He had expected this though and he let her be for the time being. He closed his eyes, reclined his chair and took a nap. He would need his energy for what was coming.

TBC..

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

but the cerberus es mis hermanos estimados so...

**************************************************************************
THE EVENT
****************
Okay, you have been on the grind all week...
You've had your ass whupped and kicked...
All because you are a working man...
It's Sunday and tomorrow it starts all over again...
You need a BREAK!!!!
YOU NEED TO CHILL AND RELAX
You need to be treated to AN EVENING OF POETRY, SPOKEN WORD, COMEDY & GOOD MOOD MUSIC before you run-off to restart the cycle which is your week.

****************************************************************************
THE VENUE:
*****************
Bambuddha Restaurant & Lounge aims to set a new standard in fine dining as befits the setting. The fresh modern and stylish design combined with a rich ambiance that envelopes guests upon entering.

****************************************************************************************
THE MENU:
***************
The menu has been created by Executive Head Chef, Mr Paul Fitchet balancing exquisite presentation of “Mediterranean” cuisine with South American influences, with reasonable prices. He has created a truly delicious menu, which accompanied by a unique wine list and well conceived cocktails can be savored in our glamorously designed space.

Your Ticket gives you access to an offering of:
*Satay Peri Peri Chicken Wings
*Assorted springrolls
*Teriyaki Pork Ribs
* Jacket in Prawns

and the options of:
*Soft drinks
*Chilled Juices
*House white
*House red

THE FULL BAMBUDDHA MENU IS AVAILABLE ON REQUEST.

******************************************************************************************
TICKETS AND RESERVATIONS:
****************************************
To maintain the ambiance and aesthetics, Chill and relax has limited reservations.

To make your reservations, call 07029344882 or send your e-mail to chilletrelax@gmail.com with the subject : Chill and Relax Booking.

...For the woman who just isn't taking any chances.

So you just got married, or you just got into a serious relationship. He's smart, funny, good looking, successful, loves you completely and he's a s faithful as he can be. And you love him more than you thought you could ever love a human being. He's "The One".

But he's still a man. And as long as there are pretty girls out there, you cannot be a 100% sure he won't wander. The XY chromosome in him has programmed his eyes to follow every long legged, smooth skinned, large breasted, badoonk-bearing woman they rest on and then it becomes a battle between his love for you and that thing that dangles between his legs. And let's face it, these days, your odds aren't great.

That's where we come in.

The Reverse beer goggle retina implants are engineered to make every woman that isn't you appear remarkably less attractive than she really is. Very much the opposite of the effect beer/beer goggles have.

Just think. When your man says "You're the most beautiful woman in the world", he will actually mean it. And not that rubbish cliché "mean it because I love you so much" but he'll mean it because its the only truth he knows.

So get him in today. It just might be the best decision you ever make.

Side Effects include:

-Him wondering why your daughter is so damn butt ugly

-A change in his perception of beauty if he's susceptible to pop culture

-Oily discharge (ok we're kidding about that one)

-Blindness

Available now.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Synopsis

Starring...

Richard 'Dick' Dangles aka Penis
Tasha 'Puss' Yoordekvolov pronounced Touch her puss your dick fall off

A story about STD's. No, there is no point to the story. Its not a true story, just something my imagination cooked up in bed.

Earlier this evening I heard the news that's likely to be on the front page of the Metro tomorrow morning. "Michael Jackson dies from cardiac arrest". Within 5 minutes of hearing this news, I heard things that made me mad.

"Who cares about Michael Jackson man?" and the one that took the cake; "Really? That's great news"

I was in shock. People a man just died. I mean I've never really been a Jacko fan. But... A MAN DIED. A man like any other man. A man with a family, friends, people that loved him, people that he loved. And all you can offer is a "who cares"?

Legend or not, paedophile or no, his was a life still precious. As precious as any one of ours. His was a life.

And for someone to just dismiss, and even rejoice in his death. That's just foul.

A man is dead. Show some respect.

On the flip side, a man died. Life goes on. Why are people going crazy.

The only certain thing in life is death. Yet everyone is so surprised when it happens.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Missing

Afro (Jun 1..15 days)

Confessions (May 18...29 days) <Nurse, dont u know that swine flu is going around...now is NOT the time to be disappearing>

Lady Koko (Jun 1...15 days) <you popped in for a  second and then disappeared again...sup with that?>

Miss Definitely Maybe (May 16...31 days)

Miss Love aka LovePaprika (April 9...68 days)

Padosh aka Phoenix (May 18...29 days)

Bond Girl (April 29...48 days)

Shona (Jun3...13 days)

Smaragd(May 9...38 days)

TDVA(May 27...18 days)

Wordmerchant(Jun 2...14 days)<You better go see a doctor about that foolish bloggaria>

If found, please return to blogsville asap. Reward: Riveting reading.

I'm having trouble adding pictures to posts so I'm going to have to hold off on the Bunny Boiler story for now. In its wake, and as a peace offering, I'm going to put up the details of some of the techniques involved in S.O.M.E.

The Yoni Massage is something I learned and picked up fairly recently and have decided to make an integral part of getting  S.O.M.E; at no extra cost of course.

Please note that this makes up only a part(optional at that) and not all of the S.O.M.E, but can be conducted on it's own.

Yoni Massage

The girl should lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner. Legs should be spread, with knees slightly bent and vahjayjay fully exposed (this is an extremely vulnerable position for the woman. The partner should be sensitive to this)

Begin with deep, relaxing breathing. It might help to have some soothing music playing in the background. Deep breathing and relaxation is paramount.

Pour a small quantity of oil on the mound;  just enough that it drips down the outer lips. Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips. Spend time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage.



Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same to the inner lips. Take your time.

Stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the her off. The woman will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to relax and breathe.

Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your right hand into the vagina. Very gently explore and massage the inside of the  vagina with this finger. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed and pressure. It is important to remember that this is a massage in which you are nurturing and relaxing her. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm to hit the Gräfenberg. Once again, vary the pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. If you feel it necessary, insert another finger. Resist the urge to finger-fuck her. Remember, this is a massage; take your time and be very gentle


You can use your left hand to massage her breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use the thumb in an up down motion, with the rest of the hand resting on, and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver. Continue massaging, using varying speed, pressure and motion, all the while continuing to breathe deeply.

If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the wave."



In ending the massage, slowly, gently, and with respect, remove your hands. Allow her to relax and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni massage. Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well.

This massage can be given in conjunction to, or as a substitute to cunnilingus (yes, it's that good), so for you ladies who  (God knows why) are still suffering a dude that doesn't give head, make him learn how to do this. If he does it well, you won't be able to tell the difference between his fingers and his tongue.

Enjoy

sWeET DREAMS

So, I haven't posted in a while, as some bloggers have not hesitated to point out. For that, I apologize.

It's not out of lack of stuff to say, but more out of lack of motivation to say it. I decided to take a little time to focus on work because, to be honest, blogging had become a full time distraction for me.

In my abscence I have conceived, (but not written) a few topics for posts, and I want you guys to choose which one goes up first and I'll do my best to make it happen this weekend. There's going to be a "Scribbles On:" series

-On living next door to a brothel...(BBBJTCWS..I'll explain in the post)

-On bank holiday weekend shenanigans...(mostly drunken shenanigans)

-On office affairs and wedding rings...(a.k.a. Sexy is her first nature)

-On bunny boilers and baby makers...(you guys get to meet my "kid")

Also the conclusion to Meet the Hunters is still in the works.

So, yes, now I leave it to you.

Furthermore, I don't think I will be able to "blog daily" anymore. I need my job, so I need to do my job. Unless you guys are willing to pay me to blog. My rates are £150/day; any takers? No? That hurts, and to think I thought you loved me.

Anyway, I might not have time to sit down and pour out an epistle on a daily basis anymore, but I can still take 30 seconds here and there to jot down my thoughts. So I tweet/twitter/twitt? dunno which is the correct expression. I prefer "Twibble".

So, if you're interested in my 3 or 4 times daily micro-rants, my twibbles are in the sidebar, or you can follow me @scribblemefree.

as always, sWeET DREAMS blogsville

Scribbles

He wont be back

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpf0aO30ecE&feature=related[/youtube]

His favorite "bootah call". This dude is funny as hell, dude didn't even seem sorry, or afraid, just confused. Like "there is someone talking, it sounds like my wife" LMAO!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfRjsMlwjJw[/youtube]

...apparently, Indian women don't use "the mouth"...anyone wanna assert or depose that statement?

So I got my BB back, sans all my contacts. So for those of you who were on my BBM list, please submit your PINs to scribbles@scribblemefree.com, or better still add me - PIN:2561A775.

Feel free to add me if you weren't a previous contact; I'm always open to making new friends :P

So, I have this scale (Tanita, I think), measures weight, body fat %, muscle mass, body water % etc. The last time I checked (3wks or so ago), I was 68kg(150lbs), 17.8%, 52.3, 50.4% respectively, and, while happy enough with that, I've been trying to gain a little weight (get up to 75ish(165lbs)) and at the same time cut down body fat % to high single figures.

To that end, I've been working hard in the gym, eating right, going on morning runs (ok, maybe not as often as I should but at least I went).

So tell me why, when I checked again Saturday morning I had lost weight (63Kg(140lbs)), my body fat % had DOUBLED (31.8%) and I had lost 10kg (20lbs) of muscle mass i.e. 41.3. I was aghast. My body was still throbbing from the gym sessions. I came to the conclusion it was one of two things:

1. Friday evening, I had baked a batch of brownies and when they were done, I decided to have a taste. 10 minutes later, I had eaten the entire batch. I was being punished


2. (And I think this is more likely) The scale is malfunctioning. I mean the fact that I can't actually see the fat anywhere tells me Tanita is taking the piss. :) Good thing it's still under warranty.

That's that about that. :)

I've had to change the look of the site. My previous look, while being quite nice to look at, was pretty confusing and didnt offer a lot in terms of flexibility. I hope you like this new one.

I know I owe blogville a conclusion post at least and I realize I've kept you waiting 2 whole days. I'm sorry, I'm in the process of building the website and that is proving to be a fulltime job in itself... I already have a flippin fulltime job!

*

Anyway, this means I'm neglecting blogger a bit. But I'll be back in full force to invite you all to join me. So bear with me. Thanks. Love yous guise!

I have a new domain name. www.scribblemefree.com ..I'm in the process of building a website and this will probably involve me moving my blogs to Wordpress for the time being, but never fear, I'll still be here.

I have a couple of stories I want to tell, but I can't right now, I will, probably tomorrow. And yes, I'm back, no hiatus for me. Who takes a break from therapy to go find therapy? Yes, I just called u all head shrinkers...and what?! hehe