Inspired by Titilope Sonuga's Truth

Tears run down my cheeks
Body heaves in submission
To emotion
Soft sobs escape my lips
Interrupted by ear-shattering screams
In random intervals
No warning
Blow my nose, tissue box near empty now
But I make no attempt to stem the tears
No endeavour to quiet the screams
I wail, in total surrender
I cry, with utter abandon
I cry till there are no more tears
And then I cry some more
Not because I'm sad, or unhappy
Not because I have lost, or suffered defeat
Not because I am ashamed, or embarrassed
Hurt, or in pain
And these are definitely not tears of joy

These
Are tears of openness
Tears of release, of sincerity
I reclaim my innocence by
The melting of icicles formed around my heart
Over the decades of my human existence
And the purging of that poison
Begins with one tear shed
And then another, and, yet another
The tears come rapidly now
Free-flowing, cleansing, purging
And by the virtue of these salty tears
I am made free
Free in a manner, of which men are unaccustomed
Free of the shackles of machismo, of my gender defined composure
My heart made lighter with each tear that falls
Shedding burdens as teardrops
I...bawl
I...blubber and sigh
I...cry
Cry till I am made strong
Cry till I am made whole
Cry...till I am free
When was the last time you had a good cry?

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

So, lately I've been looking into well known contemporary poets. I recently happened on Pablo Neruda and I'm hooked. Especially his love poems, the way he uses metaphor to describe so vividly his emotion. I feel like nothing I've ever written is worth anything. And he wrote it in Spanish!!

Anyway, ahem, my birthday's coming up...and I'm not one to ask for presents usually but the person that gets me Mr Neruda's Twenty Poems of Love and One of Desperation will forever have my love.

While we're on the topic of gifted poets, if you're in the Edmonton, AB area (Canada), check out slam poet Titilope Sonuga. I am truly honored to know this girl.

ebony beauty...lips pure..spread chocolate kisses
her soothing voice would cure this affliction
this love, this addiction, in addition
her skin, dark, clear, soft, firm, giving off
the aroma of passion, purely aphrodisiac
aphroditie, sovereign beauty, treat me, heal me
take me, feel me,
lift me, body soul and spirit, take me to cloud nine
using only ur lips, grace me with their supple kindness
engage me with intimate secrets, come into this secret place
i seek ur face, i want ur presence, in need of ur essence
possess me, let me possess you, undress you, let me bless you
lets take it slow, lets make it go all nite
let me show u me, show me you, tonite
let me show u how, letz do this now
letz share this elevation
letz have.... a conversation

Heading to bed in a minute, but since you guys liked Staceyann Chin so much I thought I'd share a few more of my favorites with  you.

Shannelle Gabriel

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjNRr9-tgtw[/youtube]

Steve Connell and Sekou

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRzoAYpYcOc[/youtube]

Shihan

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik7GFLB_CII[/youtube]

Our very own Bassey Ikpi

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTcOWR3uc0E&feature=PlayList&p=6C755BB0C54EED2B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=31[/youtube]

...seriously if you don't know...get to knowing!

So I dont know what prompted this, but I suddenly got the urge to give u guysies a glimpse of Scribbles. So here goes:



So, there I am. Well, if I were to be perfectly honest, that's from 5 years ago. But it does the job.

It is my pleasure and a great honour to introduce those of you who dont know to Def Poet Stacey Chin:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfoQOenh9Cw[/youtube]

I LOVE  this piece. I also, for some reason find her really attractive :-P Enjoy.

Written Aug2005, recorded Mar2007

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Forgive me, this recording is kinda rough around the edges. I did it in my bedroom.

Here are the words:

Godess, deep, dark chocolate being
Let me tell you about this Nubian Queen
Sweetness, rich, smooth like Godiva
Adam would give his whole left side to get beside her
she is desire personified
damned if I dont tell you about her smile
drive a grown man wild
wrapped up in lips incredible, almost edible man, style
so sweet you could almost eat...lips ample
like supple pillows to rest my lips on
her vibe is mellow
casually i approach her
naturally putting me on an unnatural high
how do i survive the temptation, the fascination
the infatuation with this ebony vixen
would you please listen as i tell you about this Nubian Queen
have you ever seen a beauty so pure, so sure in her confidence
consequently
making me sweat from the fire of desire
making me ache for the pain of summer rain
making me lick my lips as i tell you about this Nubian Queen

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

haha...friday night stupidity..enjoy....had a couple of drinks in me at this point..still do...anyway..i'll put up the words to A Dozen Long Stemmed Roses

A dozen long stemmed roses, hope they brighten up your day
A dozen long stemmed roses, there's no thanks you need to say
Really, it's okay
A dozen long stemmed roses, hope these 12 may bring a smile
A dozen long stemmed roses, even if you wont be mine
A dozen long stemmed roses, at work, I know they'll make you blush
And I hope to God your colleagues take the piss and tease and such
I know you'll be embarrassed, but I'll know you'll love em too
Because a dozen roses do, what a dozen roses do
I send a dozen roses just to send a dozen roses
I did it cause I wanted to, not for what I want you to
So a dozen long stemmed roses, really hope they bring you joy
A dozen, that's 12, or 2 sixes from the boy

Ciao!

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

I'm still trying to find my feet with this audio blogging thing. I'm very much a writer, not so much a talker, but I'm branching out, stepping out of my comfort zone.

However, the law of baby steps dictates that I do a few scripted pieces first, like this one, a short piece I wrote a couple of years back, I titled it poetic justice

Here are the words. Enjoy

its a massacre of poetic ambassadors
some call us masochists, holding ourselves back
"it's just our state of mind cuz we stays on our grind
keep trying to find a better way to do this thing called humanity"
but there's widespread insanity on the earth's very face
causing disillusionment, an illusion of despair
where nothing can be done here..
my own mind is my judge, jury and executioner
my execution of this life has been injustice
so it's justified for me to crucify me
just as if i were multiple personalities
in this crazy humanity...the vanity...it's my own insanity

got down on my knees this morning and said a prayer for my enemies
this is what it said:

Lord, please let them have tools to wage war against me
Let them have enough in their eyes to destroy me
Let them be mighty, let them be strong
Let them be fearless and bold
Let them be resourceful, let them be powerful
Yes Lord, let them have the tools to wage war against me
Because Lord, You see, the thing is
When push comes to shove,
They gotta deal with You...
And that just ain't fair

Amen.

....was a short prayer hehe

i'm a good man
...it dont mean im a saint
it dont mean im perfect, im not...im flawed
filled with imperfections, so dont look at me in awe
i'm just lyk u, a reflection, of rejection...or reception
depends who you ask
i've hurt many, i may hurt you
dont take it personal, i been hurt too
but thatz no excuse..
i've sinned, i've lied, i've cheated, been tried
denied when caught, renounced my thoughts
repented, backslid, i've run, i've hid
got into trouble plenty, got my hands dirty
gone to church and tried to change
came home and did it again
but i will lay down my life for my friends
i will take a bullet for my family, for the ones i love
i will try to make everyday count
make someones day, everyday
i will try to make you happy
sometimes i'll fail, sometimesi'll succeed
sometimes i'll just come up short
and sometimes i'll blow your mind
other times i'll be just enough
but everytime, i'll try, everytime
cuz see i'm a good man...but that dont mean im a saint

I look into your eyes and I see
I see oceans and waterfalls
I see creation
I see the heavens formations and the earth's foundations
I see the sun rise in the West
The sunset in the East
Because you turn my world upside down

I take your hand and the physical chemistry of our connection
Alters my biology
Sending jolts of emotion thru my fingertips
Coursing thru my veins
Setting my eyes alight with the fire of you
Jump starting my heart
Science would call u "Electrifying"

When I take u in my arms
This is gunna sound cliche but...
Its just me and you
Nothing else exists, no one else, matters
My world is you, consumed by you
Like I was fashioned out of your rib
Totally and completely, yours

And when we kiss...
Sparks fly like its the 4th of July
Bands play entire symphonies in celebation of us
Volcanoes erupt and the world stops spinning
And in that one instant...
My every dream comes true

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

So...

So u want me to touch you
Take your hand, caress you
So you want me to hold you close,
Give you a dose
A taste of that thing you need

So you want me to kiss you
Lay you down and undress you
Make it clear its just me and you
And the things we do
Your desire's the fire I'll feed

So you want me to tease you
Things I'll do just to please you
From your lips to between your legs
Till you start to beg
Me to take you to your wildest dreams

So you want to enjoy it
There's many tricks in my employment
Don't even have to say my name
I'm just glad you came
I'll keep going till I hear you scream

So you want to be loved
So you want me to sweep you off your feet
So you want me to fuss and pine
And wine and dine
And treat you like you are my queen

I'll do all that romance stuff
Take you out, even dance, just
Keep in mind at the end of the night
When the mood is right
Me and you, we're gonna make a scene

So you want to be loved...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

All rolled into one
Bitten by a radioactive spider as a baby
It had snuck onto my spaceship as it hurtled towards earth to escape my destroyed home planet
I grew up on a farm where I discovered my super speed and strength
On my 10th birthday I was thrown in a tank and laced with an adamantium skeleton
It made me angry, you shouldn't make me angry
You won't like me when I'm angry
I grew up to become a brilliant physicist
But in a freak accident was torn apart by electricity
I reassembled myself and it seems now I can do anything

In my mind

I was born in the slums, grew up in the suburbs and now I round out my years in the bahamas
I am a captain of industry
I am a rockstar
I am an entrepreneur
I am a father, a son and a soldier
I am a dancer
I walked on the moon once
Upside down
Went to a party on Mars once
The atmosphere was terrible
Jumped off a bridge, a couple of times
Oh the rush...
Walked on water, I'm getting pretty good at it too
Punched through a solid concrete wall, to keep my pimp hand strong

Sliced a mans arm off, for killing my wife
And shot him in the balls, for raping my daughter
I went to prison. They were afraid of me there
Went to school. They were petrified of me

In my mind

I am totally random, and totally wonderful

Just like you
Just like you

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

passion consumes u, restraint is not an issue
your inhibitions no longer exist, it starts with a kiss
drawn in by my eyes and trapped by my lips
you moan; soft, barely perceptible
your heart skips a beat, you pause to catch ur breath and catch my eye
you smile and the stars in your eyes pull me in to kiss the half moon of your lips
i pull you even closer, kiss your neck
you shudder as my fingers run down your back
my lips brush your collarbone
a louder moan escapes your lips
you cant resist what you're feeling
you just let the emotion take control
caught up in the moment, entranced by my touch
taking you on a journey you'll nevr forget
you're gettin wet, nipples erect
as i breathe; soft, warm onto your skin
touch my lips lightly to your belly, pull you in
inch by inch workin my way south til i reach your .....O
you've lost all control
momentum building, the sensation climbing
you cant contain it anymore, teeth grinding
you explode, the climax unlike anything you've ever felt
collapsing, exhausted, yet the orgasm doesnt seem to end...

...waking up from your sleep with shivers of pleasure
tremors over your entire body from the night before
immobilised because every move you make brings sweet painful ecstacy
your dreams are only of you laying next to me
your eyes glazed...you've lost all touch with reality as they rack your body continuously

Turn on the water as I step in behind you
Kiss your neck, that soft spot where flesh meets left clavicle
Hands on your hips, fingers tracing your dips
Stroke your inner thigh
As my lips rain kisses down your back
The shower head soaking us both
Heightening the passion
Lips find your spine
Insert a chill with every kiss
Lower, and lower, till lips find that soft round hump
Soft kisses, my fingers find you, rub gently against your wetness
Slips inside you and I feel the moan start from deep between your thighs
Rise up your chest and escape your lips
It excites me
I turn you around, trading fingers for lips
Tongue stroking, flicking, invading you as you tremble against my lips
Grab my head, nearly tear my hair out as your body convulses uncontrollably
You collapse in my arms, and we both lay on the bathroom floor
The water washing over us

I let you relax a bit...you will need your strength for round two...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

To the assholes clogging up my gym...

Run!
You've got that look of January determination in your eye
The one that says u will complete this mile
Run!
You can feel the pressure mounting and though
You're starting to lose faith, you force yourself to believe
Run!
From the piercing, judging eyes of your commitment, of your promise
You want to quit, pack it all in, go back to the couch,
Beer, Cheetos
But the year is still young, the resolve still fresh
So u
Run!
Hoping everyone else is as deceived as you have fooled yourself
Run!
Till your joints start to ache, your breath begins to catch
Run!
Till the sweat pours down your face, blurring your vision
Run!
Till there's nothing left, you've appeased the judging eyes and
Stop!
Shower, go home
We'll see u again next January

Inspired by Kirk Franklin's "Fight of My Life" album


Do you know who I am?
Have you heard about me?
My pastor says I am great
That I am a king, son of the King of kings
Yea, I know you’ve heard about me
Worth more than my weight in gold, apparently
That’s what they say…
I don’t see it, I look in the mirror and I just see me
Inept, incapable, useless, filthy rags
And I know I need my Lord
So I whisper “J…”
Oh but I got that job, highly demanding
Gotta pay the bills, hardly sleep as it is, plus I got those exams
Aint got time to pray, no time for weekday church
Gotta get paid
Oh but I pay my tithe tho, I’m faithful right?
I’m at church on Sunday,
But too much going on in the week
You cant seriously ask me to give another 2 hours on a Wednesday
I barely have a life as it is, barely sleep as it is
My relationships and friendships have all died from neglect
And now I’m alone, lonely, sad
So I try to turn to the One who is always there
Bow my head in tears and call on “Je…”
Whoa did you see that girl??
God , You must have spent a lil more time on HER!!
I’m gunna have to put this Christianity thing on hold
I’m young and in my prime, gotta live before I’m old
And there’s all these beautiful women
Plus them Bible rules are strict man
I’m having fun, had four girlfriends this month alone
But I’m starting to really like this one
Beautiful, smart, talented, ambitious
She even sings in the choir at church
God cant possible be mad at what we do
After all, we’re in love

At least… I thought we were
It’s been 2 months and six girls now
Since she left and why? I still don’t know
She said she didn’t feel right living against His will
And now I go from relationship to empty relationship
Looking to fill the bottomless pit inside of me
Trying not to acknowledge that I don’t feel right either
I feel dead, empty,
And I start to cry out “Jes…”

But no I cant come to him like this
I’m bruised battered and broken, I need to patch myself up
He wont want me like this….how can He?
I don’t even like me like this
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to turn
I’m lost , I cant take this any longer
I need help
And in my despair, I feel a rising up within me
It’s been there silent for too long
And now I can no longer contain it
As I fall to my knees and cry out
“JESUS!”
Help me, save me, forgive me

I been thinking about what kinda father I'm gunna be... (no, that clock is NOT ticking and I'm not looking to get any girls pregnant)...but it was a thought. I dont wanna turn into MY father. As much as I love him, and as much as he tries, he's a nag. And as a result, I dont talk to him about most things

I dont want to be a nagging dad. I want my son to talk to me.

I want him to tell me when he's done right

I want him to tell me when he's don wrong.

I want him to tell me about the first girl he likes.

I want him to tell me when she doesnt like him back and it hurts

I want him to tell me when she does like him back and they'r going on their first date so I can teach him how to deal with her father.

I want to teach him how to throw a football (i need to go and learn first)

I want to teach him to fall in love with poetry and reading and writing.

I want him to know that while he is entitled to his privacy, he is free to come to me about anything and it'll be our little secret. Yes, I want secrets with my son, his mother doesnt have to know everything. I'm sure there'll be some things he can only tell her too.

I want him to say "thank you" when I punish him because he understands the reason he's getting punished and is grateful to have parents that care enough to punish him. LOL. Ok, I know, pigs fly and all that, I would probably be a lil freaked out if my son said "thank you" after a spanking.

I want to introduce him to old school music, Luther Vandross, Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye...so we can both sing off key in the car while his mother and sister cringe.

I want to teach him to walk with dignity, to talk with integrity

I want to teach to apologise for mistakes he might make, but never for who he is.

I want him to know that it's OK to make mistakes as long as he learns from them.

I want to tell him that he can be anything HE wants to be as long as he's happy and it's in God's will.

Yes, he will know God, it's not a want, it's a WILL. He will know and worship Him and love Him just like I do and his path will be made straight.

I want him to believe

Forget the fraud, forget yahooze
Forget the 419 and scam artists
Forget the corruption, forget the abuse of power
Forget the harrasment of men who swore in uniform to protect
Forget the bribes, forget Bar beach
So i dont speak my mother tongue fluently
I may no longer enunciate in the colorful tones of the Yoruba accent
I may not appreciate ALL of the tradition
But i'm still proud to be Nigerian
I'm proud because underneath the rubble of our current state
Lies a treasure in the fullness of our culture
The arch of our women's backs
Carved by centuries of calabash carrying
The chocolate ebony of their skin
Deepened by long treks under hot Nigerian sun
The history of Olumo Rock, its permanence
Helps me overlook the cracks in Aso
I'm proud to be Nigerian even with the stigma it carries
I'm proud to be Nigerian whatever reputation it may afford me
I'm proud, because He made me Nigerian
And He never makes mistakes

my life

is an open book

with blank pages

it's not for you to read

but for me to write