I don't know how or when it happened. I don't know why or what caused it.

All I see is the effects. All I see is the results of this thing that happened.

Some of you may have noticed. A few of you might already know.

If you have, can you tell me why? Or what?

No, I haven't lost my mojo...or have I?

I haven't lost my ability to turn a phrase... or have I?

Is it writer's block when you have a topic, a theme, content, a plot, a sequence (a few of them too)...but no words?

Is it writer's block when you find yourself leaving inarticulate, unintelligent comments on other blogs?

Or just skipping the commenting altogether to avoid sounding like a total twat...

There isn't much I outrightly fear...but I fear this... God, I fear this (forgive me Lord)

I value my intelligence, my creativity, my wordsmanship...above any of my other qualities

And to lose that...my fingers tremble over the keyboard at the thought

Trepidation intensified by the fact that after years of soul-searching, I finally defined myself as a writer.

What is a writer who cannot write?

A/An 'r'?... I joke, but there is nothing funny here. This here be gallows humor.

This is not bloggaria. This is something worse. This is death

For if I cannot write, I cannot live.

I breathe through the words that leave my fingertips.

My heart palpates to the rhythm of metaphors (further problem; I had to look up the spelling of "rhythm"...wasn't sure)

Similes flow unobstructed through my veins

Familiar to white blood vessels, this is their home

So when they are gone, I starve for them

My heartrate slows without a rhythm to follow

My blood pressure drops... how else would you explain the ache in my fingers

Blood starvation, word starvation

I NEED TO WRITE!!!!

Five drafts, started...abruptly paused mid first paragraph, no further words come. FIVE!

Here's a list of things that have peeved me off this week:

• London travel


• Furthermore, the tube strike


• Having to work at 7am tomorrow


• Having to work till 7pm on friday


• Having 3 conflicting (and impossible to co-ordinate) engagements this weekend. Some people are going a have to be disappointed


• Continuing to find stunning studios that I want when my lease isn't up for 3 months (you'd think I'd just stop looking right?)


• Writer's block


• Reader's block


• Mr Halitosis on the DLR


• Facebook releasing yet another Blackberry app without Facebook chat (really shouldn't be so eager, i already have MSN, Yahoo, Google and Blackberry messengers distracting me at work...not to talk of email, blogger, Twitterberry and text messaging)

...

Woosah...

...

In
other news, plenty rumu rumu this weekend. Unfortunately, you guys
won't be getting that gist. At least not yet (you know I don't blog
rumu rumu as it happens now) I'll say this though; kini yen gbono gan,
es muy calienté.

More news, I met this girl the other
day. Her vibe is one of a girl who is exceedingly aware of her hotness
and the power she wields over men. I won't lie, me sef I shook small.
But I had to check myself. After all, I'm ScribbleMeFree, Master of the
Game (ees a lie o! I'm just a student lol).

But I gotta try
though. This girl, the way that she smiles that makes me want to hand
over my wallet. If na jazz, e no go work. I'm not averse, however, to
some non verbal negotiation. Ahem.

Anyway, I know I
owe you lovely people a bunny boiler story. Don't worry, its coming.
Abeg una no vex. You still love me abi? Yes, its by force.

sWeET DREAMS blogville

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

I sit here with my head down. Despondent. What is there to live for anymore. She's gone.

I saw it coming, she had been showing the signs. She had stopped responding to my touch. Switching off at random moments. Giving me that blank look. We were supposed to be connected. It feels like a part of me is missing. She was supposed to make me a better man.

And now, she's gone.

Before I carry on, let me just say that I am NOT being melodramatic. I really do feel that deeply for my Blackberry. Yes, my Blackberry.

The trackball stopped working amongst other things and I've had to send it back to vodafone for repairs. They gave me this Sharp phone as a temporary replacement.

Piece. Of. Shit.

I actually have panic attacks everytime I look down and see it. Sitting there, staring back at me. Wanting me to love it. Like I love her. IT WON'T HAPPEN. Eat your heart out Sharpie!

Honestly, I don't even think I know how to use it. I doubt I'll be making any phone calls, definitely wont be doing anything on it that requires me to type. I have to deal with this shit for a week! Heaven help me!

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

haha...friday night stupidity..enjoy....had a couple of drinks in me at this point..still do...anyway..i'll put up the words to A Dozen Long Stemmed Roses

A dozen long stemmed roses, hope they brighten up your day
A dozen long stemmed roses, there's no thanks you need to say
Really, it's okay
A dozen long stemmed roses, hope these 12 may bring a smile
A dozen long stemmed roses, even if you wont be mine
A dozen long stemmed roses, at work, I know they'll make you blush
And I hope to God your colleagues take the piss and tease and such
I know you'll be embarrassed, but I'll know you'll love em too
Because a dozen roses do, what a dozen roses do
I send a dozen roses just to send a dozen roses
I did it cause I wanted to, not for what I want you to
So a dozen long stemmed roses, really hope they bring you joy
A dozen, that's 12, or 2 sixes from the boy

Ciao!

i'm supposed to take those pills. dubya-tee-eff!! i put the pen there for scaling purposes. I'm supposed to put three of those down my throat... three times a day...who the hell do I look like? Pam Anderson? Jenna Jameson? Tera flippin Patrick?

I hate pills but I was just about getting used to the idea of taking them (ginseng and other multivitamins o!)...but this? The person who developed pills so big deserves to have them shoved up his peehole one by one and then to be made to pee them back out...repeatedly.

*sigh* but I have to take em...if I dont blog tomorrow blogfam, it's cause I choked on one of these abominations.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/12/30/maderid_street_view/ is where you will find the story relating to that photo...That is just nasty. You need to hold that shit in. This caught my eye and i'm blogging about it because it brought up a repressed memory.

Monday, August 28, 2006. London Carnival.

I've been walking around for 2 hours with my lady friend trying to find the Nigerian float. No such luck. I've called my boys. Got their voicemail. They must still be underground. I call again. Voicemail.

Ah well, I've been parambulating for too long. I'm going home.

Walking down one of the side streets off Notting Hill Gate, lady in tow. Guy doubled over between two cars. His friend looking on. My preoccupied mind thinks nothing of it. There's a lot of drunk people around, they're probably just messing about.

As I walk past them, big splash. Lady screams. The smell hits me like a brick wall. Tears fill my eyes. I grab her by the hand and we run. I haven't been back to carnival since.

Shit I can smell it now as I type this. What the fuck is wrong with people??

I'm here, I'm down, time to seize the day
Come, come quick, come join me
Here, right here, right down below
Same building, same roof, me you and she
There you are, you my heat
My need, captured in a tight black skirt
Turn around, let me see those hips
Oh heart attack, take me right now
But come first, come to me, let me hold you
Close the bathroom door, lest my heartbeat escape it
I want you; I need you, right here and right now
The white shirt, silken, easy buttons pop
Careful, you'll have to face her after
To you desk, co-workers, clients, boss
Flushed, chipper, and my entire fault
Lingerie, such soft things, you knew I'd come
Your dare taken, your bluff called
I will fuck you, I like that you are shocked

Your black long hair, a weave, I care not
Splayed like that against your bright lemony skin
Your eyes shiny, losing focus
As I find my destination inside you
Pounding, taking, giving, fucking
Your nipples hardened, pink little rosebuds
Leap up at me
Ah, joy! Ah, torture! Pure sweetness
The sounds escape your lips
Don't let them go
Here, I'll catch em, I'll keep em with us
That skirt won't come off, it doesn't have to
I'm where I need to be, you are getting there
Footsteps go by, possibly hers
You too lost to hear, me not caring
We are not safe
The pressure of my blood runs sparks, I feel the heat in my head
You are the reason I'm alive, it does not matter if I die
I am with you, I tasted you, I pleasured you
That is it. That is all.

by Anon

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

To: AG
From: JM
Subject:I long for you.
Tuesday 10 March 9:43am

It has been too long
Too long since I last felt
Your not-so-hard hardness
Your not-so-possessive embrace
Too long since I inhaled
The sweet scent of your maturity
Since I watched the flame of fascination and childish pleasure
Stoked in your eyes upon my riding
Upon the sight of my lithe young body
Bouncing atop yours
Slow pointed deliberate strokes
Possessing, reveling, loving, taking
Igniting my passion, my love, my Sweet
You, my source of boundless inspiration
I hide, we hide, and yes it is hidden
For a passion like ours withers upon scrutiny
Your daughter, my sister, my best friend, my twin
Mother to my nieces, my brother her love
Judgment inevitable
Damn them to hell!
For who should care what we do, you and I?
Who, who, I say?
The woman that bears your ring and your seed?
The same whose heart I gladden each day?
My hard won clients with deep pockets
My sweat, my work, my due, all hers
I care not, and neither do you
So love me some more, watch me some more
Be fascinated by me a little more
For I care not, really I don't
For Fendis and Guccis and Louis Vuittons
I dream not of big cars and houses
Nor of you ever being completely mine
Ours is simple, a loyalty in heart
My passion is you, your passion is me
And so for now, watch me some more.

by Anon

by a friend... someone you may know

To: JM
From: AG
Subject:It’s been too long.
Wednesday 4 March 5:38pm

I sink into the sweetness of you
The deliciousness I’ve held myself back from
The tenderness, the softness, the wetness, the you
My hands go all the way round to grab the mound
The soft fleshy mound that sways when you walk
That distracts me, that freezes my tongue mid-speech
And I pull you even closer, wanting to be tyres-deep
Your moans of unbelievable pleasure drive me on
Urge me towards the cliff of no return
I try to hold back, I want more more
Too soon, too soon, my sweet
Your tongue slithers around my nipple
Oh, the joy
You need to stop, you really need to st-ohhhh, don’t stop

What is it that should hold us back from such pleasure?
What, I say, someone answer me
Is it fear, the all-encompassing fear?
Fear of the unknown, fear of Him?
Or of the joy we bring each other
Ah, thought for another day, another time
For I care not at this perfect second
I care not that you are so young
I care not that your breasts are perfectly shaped
I care not that you are a beauty queen
I care not that you are my best friend’s only daughter
I care not that you report directly to the woman who wears a ring
A Tiffany & Co Sixteen-stone ring with sapphires and diamonds
A diamond ring that bears my initial intertwined with hers forever
I do not care.

It really has been too long.

by Anon

The country runs better with a good looking man in office. I mean look at Gordon Brown/Richard Nixon/George Bush...No one wanted to f**k them so they f**ked everyone

1. We don't take walks
2. Don't leave ur juice lying around (sugar ants)
3. Don't go with ur parents (dad). He will try to monopolise ur time
4. Get the numbers of all ur friends BEFORE u get on the plane
5. Make sure ur license is valid, make sure there's a car available for you
6. If number 5 is a no, make sure u have a friend who is willing to be ur personal chauffer/tour guide while you're in town. Said friend may be willing to accept payment in cash or in the gift of friendship. Also, try and agree this very much in advance.
7. Whether u do 5 or 6 make sure the car has WORKING A/C
8. Mosquito repellent is also woman repellent. Use anyway
9. GET YOUR SHOTS!!!
10. Lagos morafockas wake up early!
11. Lagos morafockas don't sleep
12. Not much else compares to an ice cold Malta Guinness consumed under the Lagos sun
13. White t-shirts SOUND like a good idea
14. U will not want to leave, at least not between day 3 and day 14 of ur stay.

The night before the exam…

Pencil, check, spare pencil, check

Sharpener, check, Backup sharpener, check

Backup spare pencil, check

Calculator, check, backup calculator, check

Calculator replacement battery, check

Spare battery, check

Ruler, ID, other form of ID just in case

Check, check, check

Exam ticket, plus two copies

Got ‘em!

Candidate number, check

Ear plugs, eraser, check

Watch (digital, analog…ooh and I could use an hourglass too)

Hehe…ok that’s taking it a bit too far

Sanity, check (shhhhh….)

Directions to the exam center, check

Google maps, check, Tomtom and Mapquest agree…

Check!

Good… all set then!!

Oh crap…I forgot to study….

so once again, i havent blogged in a while and i'm feeling a little guilty so i decided i'm gunna hit you with a blogger trifecta, 3 blogs...all at once...enjoy

25%

25% of the people you meet will never like you, no matter what you do

25% of the people you meet won't like you, but can be persuaded to

25% of the people you meet will like you, but can be persuaded not to

25% of the people you meet will like you, and will stand by you no matter what

Value the people in your life that value you.

Pick your battles, do you, love your true friends.

Develop new friendships with those that want to be your friend.

Love your family, the ones that truly care

Fuck everybody else

Hello blogville, i know it's been a while since our last rendezvous. Forgive my neglect, there's been quite a bit going on in my life recently. New job, new city, new friends, new (quite short-lived) relationship...yes...been busy days.

So what's been going on with me? I now live in london (yay!) where I have learned to be so deliciously inconsiderate and at the same time so brilliantly polite. (I'm telling u it's a skill).
But really, london's been a blast so far, by far the most fun I've ever had. In the short 2 months that I've lived here, I've been to:

*the Miss Ghana UK 2008 pageant...i had planned to write an entire blog on that alone...GH has some FOINE women (36-24-46 is by no means an exaggeration)...for that I will forever be indebted to my Ghanaian flatmate for taking me.

*the London Eye...wasnt a bad time, (the free champagne helped) but it certainly doesnt live up to the hype. Yay i'm 200ft above ground and i can see for miles...blah

*a boat party...getting drunk on a boat is so much easier than on dry land...was a good night

*karaoke and sushi night.... i was surprised at how much fun i had, it would seem i have a soft spot for cheese...i lost my voice that night...and after 2 weeks i still have a sore throat from it...and who would have thought i'd like sushi?

*POESY...my church's open mic night...there's some DEEP poets out there...i need to up my game man

*the Jazz Cafe to see Mike Aremu (the saxophonist)....this one deserves it's own blog...this man is a LEGEND! The most fun i've had in a looong time...at one point dude held a note (and i'm not exaggerating) for 5 minutes....WHAT? people were going CRAZY

and there's been a few other events here and there but i say all that to say this...I LOVE THIS CITY!!!

I'm trying to get to nigeria this christmas but i havent booked my ticket yet and you know how prices start getting ridiculous around this time. Well, we can only pray...

I BOUGHT A GUITAR!!!

I mean my fingers are calloused and i still cant play Kumbaya smoothly to save my life but after 7 years of broken promises from my parents i have gone out and bought myself one. For those of you who dont know, I name my inanimate possessions, and her name is Jessica...fiery red, 6 string beauty...she's a STAGG. However, i dont really think teaching myself is working out. I think I might get me a tutor...but that will have to wait...I have an exam coming up.

On a low note, I havent written in a while. Hopefully I'll find the time soon to sit down pen in hand but for now, well...we'll see.

i found myself smiling back at someone who was clearly amused and had made eye contact with me. Then it struck me. Why were we smiling? This guy was very obviously distressed and he was lamenting about some serious issues. So why did we find entertainment in his situation?

These circumstances are the things that make me realise the truth of the Bible when it says that we do not know the evil that lurks within our own hearts. This man was not trying to be a clown. Maybe he had mental issues.

He may even just have life issues....but are either of those what any of us would refer to as comedy?

He ranted and raved for at least 20 minutes of the ride but in all that time, not one person (myself included) stopped to speak to him, asked him what was wrong. We all just laughed and chuckled, chuckled and smiled.

Why were we surprised when he turned on us? Told us all we were a bunch of rodents and we were all going to hell (I reject that in Jesus' name)

Some of us laughed him off dismissively when he spoke directly to us...some of us just plain ignored him.

Is this the society we live in today? We dont just "dont care" anymoer. We actually delight in the sufferings of others. Is this truly who we are?

If it is, God help us.

- people who say things to make themselves appear inarticulate in order to seem "cool" (eg. people who say "mans")

-people who attempt to fake eloquence by overcomplicating simple statements (eg. people who say "myself" or "yourself" in the place of "me" or "you")

-people who correct proper english with improper english (eg. "I'll give it to you" corrected with "I'll give it you")~supplied by Roro

-people who ALWAYS know the right thing to do and will not rest till you know that they know and consequently accept their advice

-people who dont know but pretend like they know and then get u in trouble for doing it their way

-REPETITION. if i've heard it once before, or twice, or 1000 times and nothings changed..what makes u think saying it now will make a difference?

-"Discussions" that are really lectures. If the only sound u hear come from me is "Yes" "Okay" "Mhmm" then it lacks the give and take of a discussion. I will treat it like i treat all my lectures. (Daydream about Jessica Alba).

-people telling me I speak good english. Yes. I did. but now u said that I'm gunna cuss u all day im my mother tongue.

-IDIOTS...you know who u r

-people who explain things by saying "That's just the way it is/done/has always been"

-senseless tradition along with people who embrace it without fully understanding why (robots)

-ISMs...why do we kid ourselves? Deep down we're all EVERYBODYELSE-IST

-university education. is it really worth 3 yrs and 30 grand to learn stuff ur never gunna use again?

-garage, speed garage, house, grime "music" (i apologise to all my british brothers and sisters...but i just dont get it)...some hip-hop as well

virtual babies...why?

-the word "GEEZER"...i swear if that word ever comes out of my mouth in conversation, i'm stabbing everyone i ever heard use it

-people who say "lol" or "brb" or "lmao" in spoken conversation...what the hell is wrong with u?

It's starting to get quite irritating. It first started last summer. Living in the beautifully sunny (NOT) England that I do, it rained everyday of the summer....then I bought an umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay.

Nothing but blue skies and sun for 3 wks, even though I carried my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay (yes i'm gunna do that everytime i say umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay...hehe) everywhere I went. Then one day Deloitte put us on a coach for our 2 day new starters orientation in Birmingham. I forgot my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay on the coach. I had NEVER opened that umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay since the day I bought it...it was practically brand new, never used. That hurt.

It rained elephants and rhinos the next day!

And it kept raining. I thought it was a fluke and bought another umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay(=p ok i'll stop now). We had Southern California weather for a month. Then I left the umbrella on the train. I step out of the train station, sun's still shining, it's all good...no. It rained and I was soaked by the time I got home.

By that time winter was nearing so I decided to just grin and bear it. If I got wet I got wet...invested in hoodies. Then at the start of the summer I decided to get another umbrella cause it was raining practically everyday. No rain from that day onwards until...Graduation day, I forget my umbrella at home...

I GOT SOAKED IN MY SUIT!!!

Learned my lesson, carried my umbrella everywhere I went....until this really sunny day...beautiful 23 degree(80F) weather...i wore shorts...left my umbrella at home (forgot it). As a joke, I sent my friend a text to warn her of rain since I had forgot my umbrella. I didnt really believe it...

I was at work all day and only went outside at about 7pm.

Torrential rains....TORRENTIAL! I was wearing shorts and a Tshirt!! Had no umbrella and was taking public transport home. Needless to say I got drenched and now wherever I go, no matter the weather, I always carry my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay

I have struggled with my identity for a long time. This is as a result of growing up under the tutelage of an extremely overbearing father (I love my father very much and I try to understand that it's because he wants the best for me, but sometimes, it does just get too much to bear).

I'm 23 yrs old and yet I feel like I have no autonomy to make my own decisiions. He wants to be involved in, and consulted on, everything. From my career choice, all the way down to how I do my laundry....my f*****g LAUNDRY!! And even when he isnt consulted, he feels the need to profer his "advice" (really it's more like 'do what i say or i will nag u till u give in').

I hide stuff that I buy from him because of the "so how much was that one now"s that inevitably lead to the "are you sure you're on top of your finances"s. I'm flipping 23 yrs old and this man is trying to tell me how to spend the money I used my own sweat to make. My own sweat! And he's trying to tell me how to spend it?!?!?! He said this a couple of days ago (i paraphrase somewhat but i try to quote him as closely as possible):

I know you like nice things, but dont buy the "top of the range", even if you can afford it. You are too young to be sporting designer clothes and the like. If you have extra money, you should divert it into savings and investments and then later on in life when you are comfortable you can start buying those expensive things. Take a cue from me...

I concede that there is a certain wisdom to the mans argument. Saving is important. But I'm going into a decent job and will be making enough to save a decent chunk and STILL be able to afford some luxuries. Bear in mind, this man is now nearing 50, with a FAT bank account but still holding on to his time honed frugal habits. If you saw my dad in the streets, you would never be able to guess how much he's worth. I only know because I "stumbled" accross some financial documents and this man is MINTED!

I guess it's a good thing that he remains humble and self-sacrificing, but that's the life he chose for himself. It's time he let me make a decision about my life.

It's not just money...

Every decision I make, depending on whether he agrees or not, is either vetoed or "encouraged" so much so that it eventually seems like it was his idea and not mine.

I'M 23!!!!

Turning 24 this year and this man is still trying to run my life. I have a curfew when I'm at his house...a flippin CURFEW!

He's trying to get me talking about what kinda qualities I'm looking for in a wife...probably trying to make that decision for me as well...so glad I still have YEARS to think about that decision

oh he already tried to set me up with someone...3 yrs ago...before i was even in the country...he still asks till this day why i wasnt interested...and i wanna say "BECAUSE U CHOSE HER!!" She's actually pretty cool and we might have had a different story if he wasnt trying to set us up...but that's another story

He is constantly bugging me about different things and doesnt know when to let something slide...i mentioned laundry earlier...today's spiel was about me washing my boxers in the washing machine when i should be doing it by hand...WHAT? what the hell is the washing machine there for? I told him quite frankly that i did not see the point of giving myself unnecessary work and he said i was just being lazy...i thot to myself.."well in this instance i can afford to be!

My point is...why argue about a thing like that? In the grand scheme of things, I dont think my destiny is going to be preconcluded on whether I washed my boxers by hand or machine.

Sometimes I think the man isnt trying to raise a son...he's trying to raise a robot, a clone of himself but without flaws...he's trying to raise me perfect...but i'm not perfect and i dont want to be perfect...i just want to be me; quirky, driven, ambitious, creative, indecisive, playful, hardworking, friendly, inspired, God-fearing me.

But I'm still his son. He is still my father.

i recently found myself in the backseat of a KA....getting a ride from work to the train station...in the BACKSEAT OF A FORD KA... it seemed quite representative of all the places i dont want to be in life...cramped, restricted, trapped, but most especially IN THE BACKSEAT OF A F*****G KA!

so i'm looking at her with my mouth open, hardly able to believe what i just heard

"do i look like ur uncle? silly girl...how old are u? how old do u think i am?"

it was quite upsetting...i'm 23...NOBODY is allowed to call me uncle...i dont care how young...your 3 yr old son or daughter is not allowed to call me uncle...my name is...well those of u that know my name know my name...but do NOT call me uncle

silly little girl