Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

So, lately I've been looking into well known contemporary poets. I recently happened on Pablo Neruda and I'm hooked. Especially his love poems, the way he uses metaphor to describe so vividly his emotion. I feel like nothing I've ever written is worth anything. And he wrote it in Spanish!!

Anyway, ahem, my birthday's coming up...and I'm not one to ask for presents usually but the person that gets me Mr Neruda's Twenty Poems of Love and One of Desperation will forever have my love.

While we're on the topic of gifted poets, if you're in the Edmonton, AB area (Canada), check out slam poet Titilope Sonuga. I am truly honored to know this girl.

There once was a man named Sheamis
Who couldn't control his Penis
He let it go play
From Venice to Bombay
I tell you, this Sheamis was shameless

Then one day he went to pee
And it burned and stung like a bee
You see along the way
And, it's sad to say
Sheamis picked up an STD

Use a condom folks

I have her in the palm of my hand
Clasped firmly but gently between forefinger and thumb
Stroking slowly, fluidly massaging as I whisper
Breathe
Her eyes close, her body relaxes, she breathes slow, deep
I immerse myself in my task
Fingers feeling, exploring, caressing
And I feel her body begin to tense
So I whisper
Breathe
And she relaxes that little bit
As middle finger joins forefinger and stroke speeds up
Rubbing against that spot, front wall, two inches in, you know the spot
Her breath quickens, her eyes roll back,
Fingers gripping the sheets
And I whisper my gentle command
Breathe
She whimpers
She doesn't hear me, her hips buck, her legs kick out at me
I dodge and deflect the blows, fingers still buried deep within her
And now she's lost control, tossing, turning
Popping, locking
She should be a break dancer the way she's throwing them shapes
Lurching forward, falling backward
Grabbing on to me as if for dear life
Trying to find a comfortable position
Trying to get away
Verging on pleasure insanity, she begs
"Please, stop"
I push her hair off her face, look her dead in the eye
"I will stop if that's what you really want"
At the same time, thumb lightly flicks her clit
The shudders tell, me its not
So I tell her to
Breathe
She collapses
In a heap of sighs, moans, gasps, little cries
Resigned to the fact that there will be no comfort
Only pleasure, at its most unbearable,
Legs jerking, back spasming, gushing deliciously around my finger
And I tell her to
Breathe
She screams

So, how was your friday night?

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

In an otherwise drab, meaningless existence. writing is one of the very few things that bring me joy. I can have the absolute worst day, but then the moment I put words down, my mood is lifted, my spirit lighter.

That said, I need a new spot (to chill, to meet people etc) and new acquaintances.

It occured to me over the weekend that my societal life, as it stands, revolves solely around three avenues;

Work, Blogging and Church (which the bloggers express disbelief at). YES I GO TO CHURCH!!!

i'm not a heathen :p

And then there's my (new) home which doesn't really count as societal living since I'm living by myself (woohoo!)

So where does this leave me when it comes to meeting new people?

Work: Can't really meet/date anyone at work. Can't let life interfere with my paycheck.

Blogging: I have met people of blogger, some hot ones too, but I'm a little skeptical about dating anyone that knows that much about me. If they'd even have me.

Church: And this seems to be where all the action happens. There's

-Daytona, the girl that had me in knots earlier in the year, looking like a romance about to be rekindled, but I'm not sure what to do here because I threw myself at it hard last time aroun, hit a brick wall and was broken. I don't want that to happen again. I just wish she'd stop looking at me with those piercing unreadable eyes.

- Frisco, who I'm cool with now, but dont know how long we'll be cool if I start dating someone else in the church.

-then there's young, always perfectly put together hottie Tamia, whose consistent flirtatious smiles and lingering hugs tell me something's afoot. Ok, it was actually a mutual friend that told me somethings afoot, but the other stuff backed it up. Helps that I've always had a thing for her, but my cousin (who is also her friend) warned me under penalty of something hideous to leave it alone. Especially with the earlier Frisco constraint.

So that's it. Those are my social spheres. Where will I meet women? I've lost the drive or will to go out of my way to meet anyone. Especially without a wingman.

Well, I guess there's the gym. Hmm, right, the gym! Where the women are trim, and fit and can *ahem* keep up. They even have poledancing classes at mine :)

Now I just gotta weed through the butterfaces.

I really shouldn't be putting up two posts in one day, but I saw the ad and just couldn't contain myself.

Seriously? Really? I am flabbergasted. I mean...are you for real??? You took offence at THAT?!?! I got to the end of the ad still waiting for the bit where Sony insulted my home country.

People are acting like Sony purposely made that ad in order to insult Nigeria. They are a sales company. They are selling products. And Nigerians....GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELVES!!!

I don't understand the self-importance many Nigerians have assumed. That whole "emi ke" attitude is terribly misplaced, I'm afraid.

The FACT is Nigeria is a corrupt, mismanaged republic. This mischief is instigated and propagated (kai, big big grammar) by the uppermost governments, piped through subsidiaries and filtered down to the majority of the constituents.

The FACT is there is a Nigerian man/woman/boy/girl sitting in a cybercafe at this very moment perpetrating identity fraud.

The FACT is that my spam filter is loaded with emails from "Nigerian Princes" on a daily basis.

The FACT is that many people in the Western world (let's not comment on their intellect) have been harmed by these scams.

The FACT is that our artists put out music like "Maga don pay", "I go chop your dollar"...."Yahooze"...yes, you know the dance to that one; and we happily accept them glorifying what is wrong with our country.

But let a people who have actually been adversely affected by the maleficence prevalent in our country comment...it's outrage. GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELVES!

-We laughed when they made fun of the Chinese for pirate DVDs

-We laughed when they made fun of Americans for being fat

-We laughed at the people that voted for Sarah Palin

-We laugh when they make fun of rednecks and hillbillies

But let them make fun of us? Outrage!!!

Are we really that proud a people? If so, and I ask this in all sincerity  because I may not be fully informed, what have we to be proud of? I would really appreciate an answer if anyone sees it fit.

------------------------------------------------------

A Proud Nigerian who isn't proud of Nigeria

So I've been thinking about my sinking ships. The friend-ships and relation-ships. I've been thinking about my attitude toward them and I think it's necessary to make amends in some cases. You know, plug some holes.

Let me explain. I come with a disclaimer.

"Don't get your emotions involved with me because I am emotionally unavailable and since I have let you know this upfront, I remain blameless if you refuse to heed this advice".

I have lived by this. And I have hurt people with my "you do you, let me do me- you don't own me" attitude.

Case-in-point: Frisco.

My B-U-D-D-Y. SHE set the tone of the engagement "I'm not looking for anything serious". I concurred. A little further down the line, she wanted to be exclusive. I (grudgingly) agreed. And then, after a particularly busy week for me where I hadn't been in touch for a while, this conversation occured on facebook.

Hi, how are you doing?

I'm good, you?

Good, what have you been up to?

Work and other stuff. Been swamped this week.

Ok (long pause) I think we should take a break, for a while.

Umm..Ok, mind if I ask why?

...(pause..no reply)

Ok, if that's what you wanna do.

(long pause) I'm really sorry to be doing this on facebook. Hope we're cool

It's cool. We're good.

And that was that, I would miss the sex, but she would have her reasons I thought. Then a few days later on facebook.

Hey

Hey

I'm really sorry about the way I ended things. I hate people that do things like that on facebook. I didn't mean to do it like that

It's ok

It was just a spur of the moment thing.

lol..really, it's ok

(pause) so i take it you're not really bothered then

(at this point i'm thinking "hmmm, i have to be careful how I respond to this")

I'm sure you had your reasons, I'm choosing to respect them.

A couple of weeks pass, then I get this text.

"I miss you, but I'm not really comfortable to going back to the way things were. If you don't want anything 'official' it's cool, we can just be friends'

I'd had a bad day so I may have been a bit hasty when I replied;
"I don't think I'm in a place where I can commit right now, I want us to be friends tho"

So here's the thing. One could argue (and I have) that I did nothing wrong. But I know, if I really think about it, that I was wrong a lot of times. I was an asshole because I knew there were feelings, and I ignored them. Played the "you were warned" card.

I do similar things in my friendships. While I don't actively hurt people, I hurt them with my inaction and my total lack of emotional investment.

So, I have a few amends to make.

I've come out of retirement to say a few words on a topic that Toluwa discussed in her last post and further a comment Tairebabs made.

I should start off by saying (so I'm not crucified) that I'm proud to be Nigerian...wrote this if u doubt it.

Nigeria is getting a lot of bad publicity lately, true.

Nigeria is undeserving of such riducule, false.

If you ask me, what you see is what you get with our "once great nation". Nigeria is a country that has been constantly sliding down the slippery slope of corruption, greed and duplicity since the time she was made a republic.

At least she's consistent.

The reality is, our country has very little left to be proud of. I for one am simply proud because I was created in God's image, Nigerian, therefore, there must be good in us.

My low opinion of our motherland has absolutely no bearing, however, on Nigerians. Some Nigerians.

There are many upstanding Nigerian citizens and those are the people I respect and am proud of. You will never see those people covered in the news though. Those people will never get the publicity that our most degenerate get.

Why?

Because, in the words of Chris Rock, "that's what you're supposed to do".

Just like ducks on a lake aren't newsworthy, honest, law-abiding citizens aren't exactly "Breaking News".

I'm yet to see this Sony ad that seems to have everyone up in arms. But I doubt I'll be perturbed by it. If the things it highlights are true, who am I to be insulted by truth?

So I will continue to be proud of my upstanding brothers and sisters and MYSELF for being the best Nigerians we can be and showing the world the good our people are capable of. But as far as my country Nigeria is concerned... I have only indifference.

I'm taking a break from women.

Yes, you heard me. I'm taking a break from women. What you didn't hear me say is that I'm taking a break from sex. I no crase.

Dear Friends,

It would seem I have run out of stuff to write. Not stuff to write about, no, I have plenty of those. Its the actual words that elude me.

So, without much ado, (barring any sudden bouts of inspiration) I will be retiring my pen/keyboard. Thank you all for reading while it lasted. We had a good run.

Fare well my friends.

Scribbles