Relationships in the boy-girl fashion are a peculiar animal. They are, hard work, they are complex, but, unfortunately for many facebook users, they are never "complicated". You're either in one, or you're not.
A committed relationship is pretty well defined. It doesn't require hours of explanation or qualification. Its very simple, so simple in fact that there are only three criteria the couple is required to meet. In meeting all three, the couple, no matter how casual they try to act, is in a serious relationship. In failing to meet, any one of these, however, no matter how many "I love you"s are uttered, these two are still, in a sense, seeing how it goes.
Up until these terms are met, either party is at liberty to end the arrangement without explanation or prior warning.
The talk: Without the talk, in a sense, making it official, you have nothing solid. Man and woman, or boy and girl need to sit down and have a serious discussion about what the situation means to them and how much each person is willing to commit to the other person. In business terms, this is referred to as a verbal contract, in the absence of which neither party can be held liable for the dissolution of the arrangement. It goes without saying that both parties must be on the same page and whatever agreement is reached must be acceptable and of value to them both.
Exclusivity: There is no such thing as an open relationship. Once again I apologize for bursting the facebook bubble. A couple that defines themselves as being in an "open relationship" are simply fuck-buddies. Sometimes they are really tight fuck-buddies, but fuck-buddies all the same and the one who believes that they are more than that is guaranteed to get hurt. It is completely and utterly impossible to be committed to one person at the same time that you're blowing someone else's back out (sounds absurd when I put it that way doesn't it?) Contrary to what most people want to believe, there is no such thing as no strings sex; just that sometimes the strings are not as taut. We leave a little piece of us with each person that we sleep with, and that's a piece of us that we cannot share with the person we're supposedly committed to. Not to mention the risk that one person will start to catch feelings with some other person thats making them come harder than you.
The fight: The true test of the resilience and sustainability of a relationship is the first major blowup. I read somewhere that you never really know a person until you have a disagreement. I'm going to take that one step further and say you're never really invested in someone until you're with them besides their differences. Through the expression of emotion, our true nature, and especially, our faults are revealed; even moreso the expression of the extremely volatile emotion that is anger. Raised voices, bulging veins, surging adrenaline and a reduced ability to control words and actions: this is where the true animal is unleashed, hurtful things are said, feelings are disregarded and trampled on...It is the couple's ability to rise above and pull through this that solidifies their relationship. I believe you never really have a person till they feel sufficiently comfortable with you to show you their weaknesses and the fight is the perfect avenue.
Committed relationships are serious business. There is a level of surrender involved that is not to be taken lightheartedly and as such they are not meant to be entered into until both parties are doubly certain that they are ready to bear that responsibility.
That's my take. What's yours?
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
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