Scribbles On: Women don't fart...EVER!!!

Or so I was told. To which I smiled and dubiously nodded my acknowledgement. But, come on ladies, we all know its LIESSSSS!!!!

And guys, if you didn't know, let me tell you. Your girl's ass is just as nasty as yours. Probably nastier even, from holding the farts in for so damn long. I have a sister, and many female cousins, and I can tell you this is fact. Not theory, not a hypothesis but a proven, observed fact!

Women fart. Period. Actually I'd like to think especially then..hehe..but I could be wrong.

Anyway, you might ask what provoked this sudden attack on women's stank asses. (Sorry ladies, I know your asses aint stank.) Well let me tell you.

Sunday evening, getting some of that sunday evening "good good". She's on top, holding on to me tight as our bodies spasm in sync. She goes to get off and... **frappp**. Silence. I arch my eyebrow.

"That wasn't a fart", she says

"Ok", my mouth says. "Riiiiiiight", my eyes say.

"It wasn't!!!"

"Ok!" I paused. "Although, if it was a fart it's not a big deal. Farting is natural"

At this point she starts to get indignant.

"I DIDN'T FART!!"

So I decided to have some fun.

"What's the problem? Everyone farts, embrace the fart. In fact, *sniff* it doesn't even stink so you have nothing to be embarrassed about"

She punches me in the shoulder "That's cause I didn't fart!!"

I can see the desperation in her eyes for me to believe her, but I was having way too much fun. She was so flustered by the thought that I could believe that she was capable of letting one rip.

Baffling really.

To tell the truth, she probably didn't fart. It was probably the sound of the vahjayjay suctioning off the condom. But I was just incredulous at her total and utter chagrin at the thought of committing such a totally natural act.

Why do some women submit themselves so willingly to the slavery of this inability to express themselves? I have a friend who swears she never farts, except when she's in fits of laughter..sometimes. That may be true. But the question I have is why.

Actually, I have a theory:

Guys, you know those days when you're with your perfect little lady, who never, ever farts and you let one rip. It's cool cause you're a man and a man's gotta be a man, right down to his smelly farts. Until you realise, it's not cool. The stink hits you so hard you get whiplash, and you're like "where the hell did that come from? That couldn't have been my ass!!"
Well, it wasn't. It was that lovely little Stepford-ian minx you have by your side. She took the opportunity of the cover of your willy-nilly fart to plant her stored up, 3 week old monster, framing you.

Poor, unsuspecting, you.

And now you feel like you have to apologize to her for the stink that you believe emanated from your ass. She covers her nose, punches you in the arm and gives you that disgusted "why do you do these things?" look.

Ingenious, really.

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