Porn and Me

"yes I watch porn, you know you do too"

That's a quote from Miss Lowlah's latest post.

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I don't. No, it's not one of my rules. I don't do it for religious reasons and I have to stress that I don't think there's anything wrong with it or that there's a stigma of any sort attached to it. I just don't. I used to. A lot.

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I wrote previously about how I lost my virginity at 11. I was introduced to porn much earlier. I must have been about 9 approaching 10 the first time. The very first scene I watched was a German porn scene of a man wanking in front of a glass door while a naked girl teased him from the other side. It was a massive relief. I now knew what to do with the erections I'd been having since I was seven. Wank. And wank I did. Everyday, sometimes multiple times a day.

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And then came the sex, and I didn't have to wank anymore. But then one day she moved away, and I was left by myself to do the five finger shuffle once more. I didn't have sex for 6 years after her. Porn is what got me through those long, hard (pun intended) years.

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By the time I was 18, I had a library of the stuff on my laptop..as well as every trojan horse imaginable. I sometimes wouldn't sleep because I was so engrossed. I didn't even have to wank. I just wanted to watch and see pictures. At 16, I remember I memorised my dad's credit card number and..well, u can guess the rest.

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I was out of control. Addicted, some would say, but given the way it ended, I would say I was more intrigued than anything else. I had downloaded numerous scenes from Booty Talk (i think that's what it was called), many, many Jenna Jameson scenes and lots more.

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In February of 2004, while (like I do every year) racking my brains trying to figure out what I should give up for Lent(I've stopped trying), I decided, after a pretty long struggle, to give up porn. And I did. It was hard, very hard at first ( I kept telling myself that as soon as Easter had come and gone, I was gonna attack my laptop and find EVERY video ever made). But it got easier after awhile.

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Easter came and went. And I attacked. I had an 8 hour session that night (making up for lost time). The next day, I went back again, but something just didn't feel right this time. I just wasn't as excited as I usually was. It felt like a been there, done that scenario. I'd seen everything imaginable(to me at the time). Beastiality (woman getting peanut butter licked out of her by her german shepherd), midget porn etc etc.

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I deleted every last video from my laptop that night; after, of course, going through all my favorites to make sure they really didn't do it for me anymore. I haven't watched porn since.

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My male flatmate was saying the other day how he's surprised he hasn't found my porn stash. I told him it's because I dont have one. Now that I think about it, I wonder, has he been going through my stuff looking for porn? The cheek!

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So yeah, no porn for me. I just don't feel compelled to. My imagination is much wilder than anything that may ever have been videotaped. Ok, that may not be true (case in point: 2girls 1cup-aka-what is this world coming to?)

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I find that the suggestion or the promise of sex is much more of a turn on to me than the actual act. You might even have inferred that from the way I write about sex.

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This is not to say that I wouldnt watch porn. I don't turn away. I just don't go seeking it out. There's so much more to life, I simply don't have the time to give.

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sWeET DREAMS blogville.

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