Intervention (This post captures the essence of the Bachelor's Conundrum)

*Dedicated to Repressed One. All this one na ur fault o!*

I'm having one of those days, few and far between, when Morality creeps in, let in by those traitors Reflection and Self Criticism. In my sleep they bound me, so I can't leave. And emboldened by the presence of his 3 compadres, Conscience starts to speak. Louder than usual.

We've brought you here today because you have a problem. And it's affecting all of us. Morality especially. Just look at him. Where did I go wrong? Awon ore e oni ise ku se yen(Those irresponsible children you call friends) have corrupted you. His voice is sombre and accusing. Preachy. He weaves his sermon expertly, exquisitely. He has had plenty of time to script it.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. He quotes scripture with ease and eloquence. But you have departed my son. I am not his son. He is not my father. I am quickly getting fed up of his self-righteous condescending demeanor. I need to get out of here.

Like the prodigal son, you have gone away from home. Oh dear not the prodigal son analogy again. And you have squandered your inheritance on riotous living. I look at Reflection as if to ask "What inheritance?". His head is bowed like he is deep in thought. I can tell he is just avoiding my gaze. Traitor.

So I look over at Self-Criticism. She has no problem meeting my eyes. Her look is one of stern judgement. There's a knock on the door. She holds my gaze as she walks over to the door and opens it.

In walks Guilt with that self-gratifying smirk on his face. He's taunting me. I hate him.

Listen! Self-Criticism all but yells at me.

...and you have shamed this body. Do you not know that it is a temple? Blah blah blah, it's the same story everytime. I've heard it all before. Still, it's very valid. Shit, he's right. I really need to pull myself together. Conscience is getting bolder now.

What would your family say if they saw the way you lived? What would your mother think?

I'm sorry. I can change. I promis....

CRASH!

The door bursts open. Arrogance saunters in, that unruly gait and half cocked smile I've come to love. He looks Self-Criticism in the eye. Not today bitch, we've come for our boy. Vanity follows close behind him. He's been at the gym all day. He is looking "hench" these days. He picks up Guilt, throws him over his shoulder, and walks out. He throws him off the balcony.

I smiled. I should have known my boys wouldnt desert me. But by this time I was ambivalent. Conscience was right. I wasn't living my life right.

And then Smooth glided in, shoulder to shoulder with her twin, Seduction. One pulled up a chair in front of me (I think it was Seduction [she's the one that loves eye contact]- I could never tell them apart). She took my hand, and they spoke. They always spoke in unison. A little freaky really, but they always knew exactly what to say.

With Smooth's fingers effortlessly undoing the knots that bound me and Vanity and Arrogance keeping my captors at bay (Reflection was lost in thought, again...Morality too battered and bloody to put up a fight), the twins reassured me.

I know you love God, but you are young. You are full of life. You should share that life with those around you. We dont advocate broken hearts, and I'm sure that's not your intention. You are only living your life the way that comes naturally. No es problema, vive tu vida.(There's no problem, live your life)

They spoke in Spanglish sometimes, Seduction sometimes opted for German though. I was convinced. But then they were always persuasive. I wondered if I could ever defy these girls. I got up and shook off the rope.

Arrogance joined us, Vanity in tow. Now that that craziness is over, let's go find some fun. How about calling Sin up? Her body was sex, remember? I giggled, he always made me laugh. I thought he was a little phony, and maybe slightly unintelligent, but he was funny, so I kept him around.

As we walked out of the room, Conscience piped up. Dont go! You know I'm right. But as I turned to look back, the twins snaked their arms around my waist, and whispered in my ear "Vamanos"(Let's go).

You may have got him this time, but he will be ours eventually you know. He will repent! The girls looked back, a playful look on their faces.

We know big brother. Just not today, no ahora.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

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