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"....we have a girl here for you. Very beautiful yoruba girl, very intelligent, God fearing. You will like her. Her name is Tolu.."

I had stopped listening. This was the day I realised that my mother doesn't know me. If she did, she would know she had just disqualified the girl. The fact that she came "highly" recommended by my parents meant I wanted nothing to do with her. But let me start at the beginning.



I've always had an independent spirit. Always wanted to make my own way in the world. So when, at Ann Arbor State, my dad would constantly say things like:
"You better get good grades. I'm not wasting my money on you"
"Do you know how much it costs to send you to school in America?"
I found it irksome to say the least. So one summer I made a decision, I was going to work and save up enough to pay my own tuition. By the start of fall semester, I didn't have enough saved, so I decided,(of course without informing my parents) to take the semester off.



Inevitably, they found out and freaked. Thought I'd dropped out of college. No son of theirs was going to be a college dropout, so plans were put in motion to move me to a place where they could keep a closer eye on me. Good ol' UK.

Then they start asking me what my plans are on getting here. I'm thinking "I don't know. It was your lousy idea". My mom asks me if I have a girlfriend there that's making me want to stay. I said yes.

I was dating this lovely little Italian girl called Mary. She's still to date the best girlfriend I've ever had.

"Italo? Italian what? Last time it was kokoye(Spanish), now its Italian. You won't go and find yourself a nice Yoruba girl. Anyway, don't worry...we have a girl here for you...."

I thought she was playing. She wasn't. When I arrived here it quickly became obvious that my mother and, even more enthusiastically, my father had decided that this was the girl they wanted me to be with. They had hatched this scheme together with my auntie, who was co-pastor with her husband at the church that we (and Tolu) attended.

My auntie had also took it upon herself to announce at church, repeatedly I was told, that her "first son", a "handsome man of God" was arriving soon. And then when the female population of the church started showing me undue attention, she thot it was a spirit she needed to bind. I'll come to the ladies in a minute.

So I met Tolu, and she was actually a really great girl. I could kick it with her easily and might even have considered dating her if my parents hadn't ruined her chances. A shame really. My dad still asks from time to time if I stay in touch with her. He's cute like that.

On to the ladies. Now, (un)fortunately, it turned out that my uncle pastored a church comprised mostly of students. This meant that about 50% of the congregation was eyeing me most sundays. The flirt in me flourished under all the attention.

You see, I love hugging a woman, sneaking my hand into the small of her back and pulling her close. Smelling her perfume. Its a beautiful thing that became my sunday morning ritual (Except I had to stop wearing light colored shirts cause make up aint always easy to wash out. ) And I've been told I give the best hugs. So I guess I might have given these women more reason to swoon. Not my intention. I was just being me.

This said though, I would never have dated any of them. The scandal of pastor finding out that his nephew was in bed with the choir mistress. Mehn, I still fear God small o! Before I become the topic of sunday sermon.

Funnily enough, Tolu was about the only girl who didn't get caught up in the craze. We would laugh together at all the ridiculous attention I was receiving.

Her: What the hell do these girls see in you? I mean, you're not bad on the eyes and all but there are finer boys out there

Me: I dunno o! But free dem. I'm not complaining

I did sit back and think about it once. "Sheep" was the word that came to mind. These women weren't attracted to me. They were attracted to the possibility of having something that everyone else wanted. For them, it was the thrill of the chase. And for me, it was a tremendous ego boost.

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So...

So u want me to touch you
Take your hand, caress you
So you want me to hold you close,
Give you a dose
A taste of that thing you need

So you want me to kiss you
Lay you down and undress you
Make it clear its just me and you
And the things we do
Your desire's the fire I'll feed

So you want me to tease you
Things I'll do just to please you
From your lips to between your legs
Till you start to beg
Me to take you to your wildest dreams

So you want to enjoy it
There's many tricks in my employment
Don't even have to say my name
I'm just glad you came
I'll keep going till I hear you scream

So you want to be loved
So you want me to sweep you off your feet
So you want me to fuss and pine
And wine and dine
And treat you like you are my queen

I'll do all that romance stuff
Take you out, even dance, just
Keep in mind at the end of the night
When the mood is right
Me and you, we're gonna make a scene

So you want to be loved...

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And it's starting to really frustrate me. Here's what it is:

I'm starting to care what you guys think! It's ridiculous! I dont know ANY of you personally, but I've shared so much of myself with you that it feels like...like you're family.

I've always believed a writer does his best work when he doesnt care what his readers will think. I find myself censoring my posts...there's about 5 "posts" on my phone right now...waiting to get air. Oooh a phrase just popped into my head

FUCK IT!

and that's exactly what I'm gunna do. I love you. But u will not restrict my flow! hehe

and now that's off my chest, we can get back to regular scheduled programming..expect a real post later today :)

p.s. I now have a Shoutbox...on the left :) SHOUT!

p.p.s. A conversation I had with a girl yesterday:

So, do you have a boyfriend?

Well, yea..he lives in Gloucester though

Oh, so kinda long distance then...I dont subscribe to them, but to each is own...do you see each other often?

Well, not really.

When was the last time you saw him?

Erm, I'm not sure...lemme think

Wow, ok.

Erm, May...

LAST YEAR?!?!

*sheepishly* yea

Oh, so what you're saying is you're single and just havent realised it yet.

Err, well, now that u mention it...

EDIT: Err this one's for Sexkitten, Smaragd apparently cant leave comments on your blog. Just doing my bit!

All rolled into one
Bitten by a radioactive spider as a baby
It had snuck onto my spaceship as it hurtled towards earth to escape my destroyed home planet
I grew up on a farm where I discovered my super speed and strength
On my 10th birthday I was thrown in a tank and laced with an adamantium skeleton
It made me angry, you shouldn't make me angry
You won't like me when I'm angry
I grew up to become a brilliant physicist
But in a freak accident was torn apart by electricity
I reassembled myself and it seems now I can do anything

In my mind

I was born in the slums, grew up in the suburbs and now I round out my years in the bahamas
I am a captain of industry
I am a rockstar
I am an entrepreneur
I am a father, a son and a soldier
I am a dancer
I walked on the moon once
Upside down
Went to a party on Mars once
The atmosphere was terrible
Jumped off a bridge, a couple of times
Oh the rush...
Walked on water, I'm getting pretty good at it too
Punched through a solid concrete wall, to keep my pimp hand strong

Sliced a mans arm off, for killing my wife
And shot him in the balls, for raping my daughter
I went to prison. They were afraid of me there
Went to school. They were petrified of me

In my mind

I am totally random, and totally wonderful

Just like you
Just like you

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i'm supposed to take those pills. dubya-tee-eff!! i put the pen there for scaling purposes. I'm supposed to put three of those down my throat... three times a day...who the hell do I look like? Pam Anderson? Jenna Jameson? Tera flippin Patrick?

I hate pills but I was just about getting used to the idea of taking them (ginseng and other multivitamins o!)...but this? The person who developed pills so big deserves to have them shoved up his peehole one by one and then to be made to pee them back out...repeatedly.

*sigh* but I have to take em...if I dont blog tomorrow blogfam, it's cause I choked on one of these abominations.

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There's two things that make absolutely certain that I, in my current mindset, won't hit on a woman I'm attracted to. They are as follows:

I. She's wearing a ring. I steal girlfriends, not fiancees and wives. Although the fiancee isn't really that much of an issue, but its hard to tell if she's its a wedding band or just an engagement ring with just a passing glance. So I just leave them alone if there's a ring on that finger.

One time though, I did break the rule. The ass was just too fat for one man to chop alone. Turned out she wasn't married or even engaged. The ring was fake! She had a boyfie and wore the ring simply as. deterrent to potential suitors. Now that's just deceitful. She gave me her number though ;)

Still, even though that endeavour proved fruitful, as a general rule, I stay away from ringed up women. Chances are they don't want to be approached.

II. She's reading a bible. I know it might sound wrong, but something tells me that a woman who is reading the bible on the train or other public place won't be too open to my sexual advances, and even if she was, it would come with a relationship or even marriage precondition. I don't play that. Not right now.

Maybe one day I will, but right now I don't want, or even deserve a Proverbs 31 woman. They're no good for temporary fun.

Certain other things make it improbable but not totally impossible (based on how hot she is) that I will hit on her.

• -shes pushing a baby stroller/carrying a baby


• -shes walking with a man


• -shes with her parents


• -we're at church


• -she has her headphones in and is listening to music


• -shes talking on the phone


• -I'm talking on the phone


• -she once dated a friend of mine


• -shes currently dating an acquaintance

This has been the first installment of Scribble Rules. Stay tuned for more.

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and that goes whether you're male or female

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

So I was cooking the family dinner. One of my birthday pressies to my mom...and I noticed she has all these new pot and pan sets since I moved out. I plan on moving out of shared accomodation soon and getting my own place (maybe buying) and I'm gunna need stuff. So I went up to ask her where she got em. WHO SENT ME??


So mom, where did you get all those new sets. I think I'm going to go there when I'm ready to move out on my own.

I got them at Hooty's. We are still going to sit down and talk about all these plans that you're hinting at o.

What plans again? I'm just telling you what I'm thinking of doing. I'm not really cut out for shared accomodation and I'd rather live by myself.

Yes it would be more condusive for when you get married.

*Shuo*

You know that's not even on the cards right now.

Hmm..sit down. *Uh oh*

Erm...the stew is on the fire, lemme go and check it.

Sit down. She looks at my brother. Go and keep an eye on the stew for me.

Lil bro goes What's are you talking about

Gbegborun(busybody), go and do what they sent u!

This Tee sef, so who is she?

She's just a friend, really, nothing is going on there.

So it's LOML then. (Further back story on LOML; we're family friends. Have known each other since we were about 6. My parents and hers share a mutual respect. So obviously my mom's rooting for her. I dont think they realise she's not actually Yoruba.)

She called me to wish me happy birthday. You told her eh?

No, I think she knew.

She said she had help.

Oh, I may have mentioned it. But I thought she knew.

So anyway, is it her?

Well, not really, we just talk from time to time.

Hmm, I think the only problem is the fact that she's not here

Maybe.

Hmm, we're praying for you sha. Praying that you find that bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh.

Ok, but I hope your prayers dont have a time limit.(I love that I can be frank with my mom)

No o! Everything in God's time.

Ok then.

But you need to start getting ready.

I'm not even ready to start getting ready mom.

Hmm ok o. We'll see.

Then my lil sis thankfully interrupted us. I escaped. But apparently we're not done with that discussion.

A quick aside...I bought a book the other day ( I couldnt help myself) called "How to get a shag in 59 languages". I can now happily travel the world. NOTHING, No woman is going to stand in the way of that