1. I've had 2 close shaves with jail time. Both as a result of sex.

This is true.

I was 18. They were 17. The first one was a virgin or so she said. I only found out after we had slept together on the day that we met. So I was a little skeptical, but I accepted it. But when I didnt want to be in a relationship with her she started acting out. One day she called me and she was crying on the phone. Then a mans voice came on the phone.

YOU FUCKED MY DAUGHTER?? YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU COCKSUCKER. MY BROTHER'S A COP AND WE'RE GONNA COME OVER THERE AND HAUL YOUR ASS OFF TO JAIL. SHE'S ONLY 17 YOU KNOW. A MINOR. THAT'S STATUTORY RAPE. YOU'RE GOING TO PRISON BUDDY

Then his brother comes on the phone.

What's you address?

*Click*

Man hell no. I turned my phone off, got on my knees and prayed. Hard.

The second one was a bit more comical. I went to pick up this girl from her parents house. I was driving uninsured, as most of us Nigerians tend to do at some point. She gave me head as I drove. Always a pleasure. We got to our "spot" and I parked, we got into the backseat and proceeded to do the nasty.

Woop woop

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. We put our clothes back on in record time

*knock knock* License and registration please

Now in the state of Michigan, if you dont have insurance, your registration is revoked. So I gave him my license and my expired registration card and tried to feign ignorance .

So uh, what u kids doing out here. this time of night? he said. Cocked eyebrow, stern voice

Just driving, getting some air *gulp*

Right, did you know your registration has been revoked? They always ask "did you know" knowing that you know, I didnt know. Or at least that's what I told him. He didnt believe me. He knew I knew he didnt believe me.

Ma'am, can I see some ID?, he looks at the girl in the back with her panties around her ankes, clad only in my jacket

I dont have any on me.

How old are you ma'am?

Seventeen

Really?

Shit shit shit SHIIIIT'!! omo girl yi, lie now

He walked away to talk to his partner for a few minutes and came back after what seemed like years to say

I'm going to let you go this time. Go straight home and park the car and make sure you fix the insurance on this first thing tomorrow morning. And you know she's not legal age. Dont let us catch you sneaking into the woods again. Goodnight!

I jejely went and dropped homegirl at her house, went back to mine, snuck in and prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. A friend of mine had just got thrown in jail for similar stuff the previous month...I was shitting bricks. Funny, both these girls had the same name. I should prolly stay away from girls with that name

2. I once got so drunk, I stripped off naked and did jumping jacks in front of all the people on my floor in uni halls. About 15 of them. Male and female

This is false. I wasn't drunk. The rules of truth or dare are clear. First day at Ann Arbor State College. I was a dumb 17 yr old kid, with my first ever taste of freedom. We were all getting to know each other. There was no alcohol because no one had yet figured out how to sneak it onto campus for a bunch of minors. We were bored, so we started playing games. At least 5 people stripped to their birthday suits. Including this pretty little girl I dared. She had a tattoo of a rose on her right butt cheek...or was it a heart...not sure now. But anyway, she dared me right back. I couldnt say no now, could I?

3. I lost my virginity at age 11

This is true. Unfortunately all of you who classed me as an agbero are correct. She was our 17 yr old neighbours daughter. She came over all the time, or I went over to hers. One day we watched a movie with some nudity and sexual content. By the time it was over, I had a suspicious bulge in my pants. I matured early. ;-P. She glanced at it, then at me

So do you like what they did in the movie?

A very shy Yes

Do you want to try it?

I looked at her. She was smiling at me.

Yes.

Ok. She took her clothes off and lay back on the couch.

I stared for a full minute. I had never seen real live boobies before! I climbed on top of her an proceeded to suck them dry.

After about 10 minutes sucking, pressing, squeezing, she goes.

Aren't you going to put it in?

Put what in?

You know, like in those blue films you watch.

Shit! how did she know about my stash?

She smiled to calm me down. Its ok, just put it in.

So I did, and came spectacularly quickly. She chuckled.

Not to worry, you'll be better next time. Come by tomorrow

And we went on like that for 2 years, then we moved. And it was to be another 7 years before I would taste the sweet nectar of love again.

So yes, AfroBabe, No limit and theicequeen were right. Lady Koko, sorry babe

This is my 25th post. Yay!! Happy 25th to me!!!

Today is my sister's birthday. Today is also the day she takes her driving theory test. I sent her a text saying Good luck in your theory test. 30 minutes later, I remembered to send her a text saying Happy Birthday. I'm an amazing older brother arent I?


The place: Michigan Central Station
The time: 3:25pm

It was a cold winter day and I had just missed my connecting train to Ann Arbor. The next one was in an hour. Ah well, might as well get that delicious hot dog I always promise myself I wont get, but end up getting anyway. Those things are delicious if you're ever in Detroit at Central Station be sure to pick one up.

It was while I was eating this small package of unhealthy deliciousness that I noticed this pretty good looking (I'm comfortable enough to acknowledge that he was good looking) black guy, with blue eyes. We made eye contact, and I looked away before he thought I was mocking his choice of eye color. I thought nothing further of it after that.

After a few minutes, I started to get restless. I got up and walked over to the ticketing booth.

Any other trains going ot Ann Arbor?

Next one is at 4:20

None sooner?

No.

Ok.

I looked at my watch. 3:45. Went to the toilet, did a tinkle, walked the length of a platform, came back in, read the paper, looked at my watch. 3:57. Damn!

I went and stood under the big clock in the middle of the station and tried to will it to move faster. I was concentrating hard so I didnt hear any one come up behind me.

Excuse me, deep Afro-American voice

I spun around. It was Mr. Blue Eyes.

Do you have the time?

Erm, I glanced at my watch, then at him, then at the HUGE clock we were standing underneath.


Erm, it's about 4 o'clock.

Oh ok, cool...So, where u from?

Over in Ann Arbor, came from visiting family?, my naive 18 year old self answered, "You?"

Oh, I'm from Philly, just passing through really, just like you. *chuckles* I'm Jason.

I took his outstretched hand. I'm Smf

Oh cool, thats a really unique name, where is it from?

It's Nigerian.

Word...So, uh, you wanna go to the bathroom?

Huh?

You wanna go do something?, He winked and smiled.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

I said no thank you and legged it outta there. My tight, manly arse!!! God forbid! I had just seen American History X and I was happy being able to sit down painlessly, thank you very much. If this post at all came out sounding like a woman typed it, it's because I've never felt so much like a woman than at that very moment. Turning down the advances of a man.

I went and hid somewhere till 4:15 and then ran to the platform, got on my train and cowered in the corner. I am not homophobic. Well not too homophobic. But I am something-up-my-ass-phobic.

Jason, and i'm using his real name, if you're out there, you could have at least bought me dinner first, before you asked to enter an exit only zone, but no hard feelings yea? Seriously NO HARD FEELINGS!!!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles, the Bachelor

so i tallied up the votes and it seems the R2W story won. Gay guy was a close second so that'll be tomorrows gist.


And while we danced we talked.

You said you made a. Promise to God. I really don't want to make you break that promise.

Ok

But I can I just eat you?

I don't know. If you do and its good then I'll be hooked on you. I don't want to be hooked on you if you're not sure you want to be with me.

Ok. Fair enough.

And we slow danced some more. My hands explored her body. As she faced away from me, eyes closed, basking in the moment. Then my fingers brushed the spot between her thighs.

She was wet, very wet.

She gasped and turned around to face me. She kissed me and pulled me over to the bed. She lay down, and I went down on her.

...

We lay there in the afterglow...

You should come by tomorrow. I'll repay the favor. I'll cook for you even.

She was an amazing cook. I smiled, I'll be here.

I never went back.

That evening I was talking with one of my boys, AJ, and I brought her up because she had had mentioned him, in not so flattering terms.

Oh really? Her? Hahahahahahahaha. Good for you man.

What do you mean?

Her head game is sick man. Definitely get in there.

What?

Wait do you like this girl? Oh, I shouldn't have said anything. Forget I said anything.

No, I want to know what I'm getting into. Have you slept with her? I can handle it if you have, everyone has a past.

Ok, yes. But bruv listen, I should warn you, its not just me. You know CJ? He did too, and a couple of his friends.

Oh.

So yea, I wouldnt say you should wife her. But definitely get in there. She fucks like a rockstar.

She called me a few times that night and I just let it ring through. I wasnt ready to talk to her yet. She kept calling the next day, and I finally picked up.

Why haven't you returned my calls? Are you still coming today?

I don't think so.

What? Why not? I thought we'd made plans.

I know, but I've been thinking. And the truth is I'm not really trying to be in a relationship right now (with you). I don't want to string you along, so I dont really think we should see each other anymore.

*Click* She hung up.

She called back an hour later.

I'm tired of your games. I told you I'd get hooked on you and now you do this. You're an asshole. Lose my number.

*Click*I didnt hear from her again for a while.

A couple of weeks later, her roomate, who happened to be a relative of mine was visiting.

Smf how come you dont visit "us" anymore now?

Blah blah..it's never going to work out between me and her..blah blah.

Hmm ok, she's been talking about u o..anyway, can you drop me at home?

Red flags went up. I didnt really want to go there. Was this a trap?

Err, ok.

We got there and I wasn't going to get out of the car. But she had bags that my mom had given her. I needed to help her bring them in.

When I walked into the house, the tension was palpable, tangible even. She wouldnt look at me. A few of our friends were there and I could feel them squirming in their seats. Anyone who was unaware that there was an issue was quickly made aware. I left as quickly as I could.

As I reached the car door, I heard my name. She had followed me out of the house. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me. That evil kiss, that sent chills up my spine and made my knees weak. I kissed her back for a while, then I pulled away.

I'm sorry

I got in the car and drove away.

She kept calling me for awhile and eventually gave up.

6 months later, I hear she's with someone new. I'm happy for her, but happier for myself; because every time I had run into her, she seemed to think we were going to get back together. Thank God and the man who took her off my back, i thought, now we could be friends.

And we are, as friendly as the situation would allow. She's engaged now. He popped the question. And she said yes. She's happy, he's happy and i'm ecstatic for them. But still I couldn't help it when the first thought that popped into my head when I heard the news was

BULLET DODGED!!!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles the Bachelor

*That takes the cake as the most random Blackberry message i've ever received; I wont explain it because I still dont understand it myself

*I came home yesterday and there was 5 hot, naked women, in my bedroom. I luuurrrve my cousin mahn!

This is me: "Erm, cous, excuse us please, we need to....talk".

Needless to say I wasn't allowed in the room. My own bedroom, which I pay rent for, I was kicked out of... travesty....strike one...

*I had quite an embarrasing fall this morning...

Thankfully it was in my bedroom, and usually it would have gone unwitnessed. But the cousin, was there to see it...and laughed at me for 10 minutes. Damn her! It was her fault too. I had sprayed my cologne into the air and was about to walk through it when I realised she had moved my shag rug (hehe...yep, it lives up to its name) into the middle of the room. I didnt wanna step on it in my shoes but I still wanted to catch the mist, so i did this awkward twisty matrix move and ended up in a heap....yes...all her fault...strike two...

she's walking on thin ice now...grrrr

*I have so many ideas for my next blog but can't decide which one to go with, so the buck's with you now. I've decided to put the content of my next post up to a vote... what do the readers want to see next?

• the conlusion to the R2W story ....
• the answers to my two truths and a lie... OR
• the then scary but and now hilarious story of the time I was hit on by a gay guy

Comment to vote. Each reader/commenter is allowed a maximum of 3 votes each. The number of votes per topic determines the order in which I post them: Most votes first, the runner up second...u get the drill. Have fun!

Voting now open!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles the Bachelor

To: AG
From: JM
Subject:I long for you.
Tuesday 10 March 9:43am

It has been too long
Too long since I last felt
Your not-so-hard hardness
Your not-so-possessive embrace
Too long since I inhaled
The sweet scent of your maturity
Since I watched the flame of fascination and childish pleasure
Stoked in your eyes upon my riding
Upon the sight of my lithe young body
Bouncing atop yours
Slow pointed deliberate strokes
Possessing, reveling, loving, taking
Igniting my passion, my love, my Sweet
You, my source of boundless inspiration
I hide, we hide, and yes it is hidden
For a passion like ours withers upon scrutiny
Your daughter, my sister, my best friend, my twin
Mother to my nieces, my brother her love
Judgment inevitable
Damn them to hell!
For who should care what we do, you and I?
Who, who, I say?
The woman that bears your ring and your seed?
The same whose heart I gladden each day?
My hard won clients with deep pockets
My sweat, my work, my due, all hers
I care not, and neither do you
So love me some more, watch me some more
Be fascinated by me a little more
For I care not, really I don't
For Fendis and Guccis and Louis Vuittons
I dream not of big cars and houses
Nor of you ever being completely mine
Ours is simple, a loyalty in heart
My passion is you, your passion is me
And so for now, watch me some more.

by Anon

new post to The Confessional

Those of you who have gotten to know me through my blog know that I'm many things to women...some might misconstrue me as a player(but i resent that because I'm always sincere about my intentions), a bit of an ass, a jerk, and so on and so on. But I'm straight up. There is one thing I do not condone. And that's cheating. It makes me very sad when I realise that many women go into relationships already resigned to the fact that their boyfriend/fiancee/husband (delete as appropriate) is going to cheat. Or vice versa. it shouldnt be so.

I got into a heated debate with my flatmates on the weekend. The issue;

If your significant other cheats on you, would you stay with them?

My answer: A flat NO

Flatmate1:"What if you were married?"

Me:"No"

Fl1:"But what about "till death do us part"? you would be breaking your vows!"

Me:"What about "forsaking all others, be faithful.."? She already broke them"

"Essentially, she has taken our marriage, our union and shared that with someone else, I'm not saying I wont forgive her, I will in time, but the marriage is over"

Fl2:"What if you have kids?"

Me:"Still no"

Fl2:"So you will let your kids grow up in a broken home? You need to think of what's best for them"

Me:"I am thinking of what's best for them. The truth is whether I stay or leave, they will be growing up in a broken home. I will never look at their mother the same way again. She is no longer my wife..and that's biblical. In leaving, I believe I'm setting the right example for my kids. You don't stay with somebody that treats you badly, cheating or otherwise. Kids pick up on these things and it affects them in later life. I dont want my daughter thinking 'My boyfriend is cheating on me. It hurts, but the same thing happened to my mom, and she still stayed with my dad and worked through it....repeatedly"

Fl1:"It's funny because now that I think of it, the two people saying they'll stay are in long term relationships, and the two that are saying they'll leave are single. You dont know how it is"

(did I mention I wasnt alone in my conviction?...enter the SenseTalker!!)

ST:"You have a point. But does the fact that you are in a long term relationship and very invested mean that you should continue to take shit? Sometimes you need to cut your losses"

Me: "Also, to go back to your earlier argument, I'm tired of this notion that children need to have everything sugarcoated for them. Sometimes, when things arent ok, they need to be told things arent ok! So they dont go out and make the same mistakes that you made. I'm not saying to tell your 6 year old that daddy is a cheating scumbag, but when they're in their late teens and understand some of the vilitudes of life, you might want to tell them what has happened in your life, how it affected you, how you dealt with it, how you pulled through, the mistakes you made along the way"...which brings me to another point...

Why do parents, nigerian ones in particular insist on portraying an infallible image to their children?

....but that's another days rant.

We went on and on with neither side backing down..even though our argument made way more sense :-P

I have a friend who has been in two relationships in the time that I've known her. Both guys have cheated on her relentlessly...and she knows they have. She calls me all the time crying, upset because she saw him with some chick, or she read an email or a text, or he's on the phone for hours after he tells her he's going to sleep. My standard response; "Leave him"

Then she comes up with excuses,

"But I dont have the energy to start looking for another boyfriend now"
Who said you have to? Maybe you need to try and be by urself for a while...figure out what you want out of life...outside of a man.

"If I can just get him to stop"
You really think that's going to happen?

"I love him".
He doesnt seem to love you very much does he?

SHE WANTS TO MARRY THIS DUDE!!! *shakes head*

You might have noticed that I dont have very much patience for cheaters, and the people that stay with them. I'm not saying that all situations are the same, I recognise that there might be some other issues. But if your SO(significant other) cheats on you more than once, that should be bye-bye. For me, it's one strike...but that's me.

If I ever cheated in a relationship, I would expect to be treated the same way. I would love to be forgiven and taken back, but should I be kicked to the curb, I would understand completely.

The truth is, where is a relationship supposed to go from there. Trust is lost, resentment begins to take root. The guilty party becomes defensive because of the lack of trust..constant fights, which might eventually lead to him or her cheating again..or better still, the wronged party seeking revenge by engaging in his or her own indiscretions. I've been entangled in one of these webs before, so I know, it's not pretty.

I might be viewed as myopic because of this, but I've broken off relationships because I was liable to cheat. The way I see it, if I cant keep it in my pants for her, then I dont deserve to be with her. Or I cant care about her as much as I say and think I do. Its that simple.

Anyway, blogville, I'd like to hear your views. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife/partner cheats. Stay or go?

continued from...

quite possibly the best I've ever had. I pulled away, and after I'd quickly pulled myself together (i literally had goosebumps) I said,

"I thought you said you dont kiss on the first date" *cheeky smile*

"Shut up"

I leaned in to kiss her again. Till this day, I still havent seen the 2nd half of Pirates of the Carribean II. Anyone have it on DVD?

Afterwards, we made plans to meet up again the following day. I was going to go to her place, and she was going to cook for me. Sounded good.

So I turned up, we ate, watched a bit of tv, and then started to fool around a bit. For someone who had "made a promise to God", she was surprisingly willing to dry hump me. I was quite unsurprisingly willing to reciprocate. As we lay there, resting, in between makeout sessions, she suddenly asks;

"So, what are we? what are we doing here?"

"Err, well, we're just kinda getting to know each other", I stuttered

R2W: "Ok, but where do u want this to go?"

Me: "Erm, it's still early days, I dont know just yet. But I think this might be moving a little fast"

"Maybe we should slow down"

R2W:"What do you mean? Slow down how?"

Me:"Maybe we should be friends first, get to know each other"

R2W:"Oh ok, define friends, cause I dont kiss my friends"

Me: "Ok, that's fair, so no kissing, no touching, no making out for awhile. Lets just get to know each other in a platonic sense first"

R2W:"Ok then", she looks at me,"lets start tomorrow"

*rumble rumble tussle tussle*

She gave me an ultimatum, a month from then I was to have made up my mind what we were doing and stopped "all this lets be friends nonsense"

We lasted about 4 days without the physical... well, I lasted about 4 days. She tried to kiss me the following day when we met up, but I turned away, like I'd said I would (I dont care if y'all dont believe me, it's true). She said I was rude and walked away. I pulled her back, kissed her on the forehead and told her to be patient.

She didnt have to be patient for long. A few days later, I went to see her, after countless arguments on the phone about how I needed to make up my mind or tell her if I didnt want her. I did. But I wasnt sure I wanted to commit to a relationship that sex had been precluded out of.

We lay on her bed, cuddling, her facing away, watching a movie. I stroked her arm.

"So are you going to kiss me or not?"

Now, there is only so much discipline a man can have. So I turned her around and missed most of another movie. I wasnt too bothered though, I'd seen that one before. A few minutes later, she asks me to leave the room for a few minutes. I was a little confused, but I obliged.

When she called me back in, she had changed out of her clothes and was only encumbered by a black lace bodice and panties. Raheem Devaughn was singing every word about her, and she wanted to dance...

TBC..apparently my blogs are too long..so I'm splitting em up...the rest coming soon