I figured I'd do this before I told blogville everything there is to know about me. Hmm. So where do I start. Find the lie...
1. I've had 2 close shaves with jail time. Both as a result of sex.
2. I once got so drunk, I stripped off naked and did jumping jacks in front of all the people on my floor in uni halls. About 15 of them. Male and female
3. I lost my virginity at age 11
good luck!
by a friend... someone you may know
To: JM
From: AG
Subject:It’s been too long.
Wednesday 4 March 5:38pm
I sink into the sweetness of you
The deliciousness I’ve held myself back from
The tenderness, the softness, the wetness, the you
My hands go all the way round to grab the mound
The soft fleshy mound that sways when you walk
That distracts me, that freezes my tongue mid-speech
And I pull you even closer, wanting to be tyres-deep
Your moans of unbelievable pleasure drive me on
Urge me towards the cliff of no return
I try to hold back, I want more more
Too soon, too soon, my sweet
Your tongue slithers around my nipple
Oh, the joy
You need to stop, you really need to st-ohhhh, don’t stop
What is it that should hold us back from such pleasure?
What, I say, someone answer me
Is it fear, the all-encompassing fear?
Fear of the unknown, fear of Him?
Or of the joy we bring each other
Ah, thought for another day, another time
For I care not at this perfect second
I care not that you are so young
I care not that your breasts are perfectly shaped
I care not that you are a beauty queen
I care not that you are my best friend’s only daughter
I care not that you report directly to the woman who wears a ring
A Tiffany & Co Sixteen-stone ring with sapphires and diamonds
A diamond ring that bears my initial intertwined with hers forever
I do not care.
It really has been too long.
by Anon
I have been told that I can't blog about last night. Lo siento amigos. Who knows though, given a little time, I might feel braver *Sigh*
Not to worry though, I have plenty of other stories to tell. Today, however i'm going to introduce a series by a certain someone you may already know (hint:not me). We'll call it"The Confessional". you can find it here.
Anyway, off to today's post!
I dont really know which woman to talk about today. The fuck-buddy who thought she was screwing her way INTO a relationship (how deluded was she?). I met her on the train a few years ago. We ended up getting off at the same stop. I walked her to her bus and took her number. Called her the next day or maybe the day after (dont remember). She seemed into me...cool.
We met up in town (as we always did). Walked and talked for a bit..and eventually it was time for her to go. I kissed her. She kissed me back. She tasted nice, and she was a good kisser.
"You're a good kisser, you're making me horny"...*really? that's the kind of thing I like to hear* I smiled.
"You have to go, I'll come see you tomorrow", I said, remaining as aloof as I could.
I went to visit her the next day. We made out and talked for a bit..well, mostly made out. At some point, my conscience (i miss that guy) prompted me to say
"I really like you, but I'm not really ready for a relationship right now"...i didnt want to be the guy who led her on and broke her heart...yes people, there's a nice guy in here somewhere.
She seemed a little sad for a minute...but then I kissed her again..and she seemed to forget all about it...
after a few minutes fooling around, we took a breather and she looked pensive...then she must have thought "fuck it", took my hand and led me up to her bedroom. The sex was amazing.
In my mind, she was simply a booty call. We would call the other when we needed sexual healing. We did it everywhere. Her house, the restrooms at her uni, empty classrooms, cinema...among others that I wont say...I will say though, be wary of the fititng rooms at a certain Topshop :). She gave exquisite head. So did I.
In her mind, she was a "girlfriend in waiting". I only realised this about a year after we stopped seeing each other. She told me I had "broken her heart" when I told her I was seeing someone else. I'm sorry for that. It wasnt my intention. Apparently she had been waiting for me to be ready. Little did she know...
************************//***************************
Or should I blog about the one who started dropping hints about marriage a week after we started seeing each other. I met her at the beginning of summer one year. She gave me her number and told me to call her. I was going to, but due to a hectic schedule that summer, i never got around to it. Ran into her again a couple of months later on my way to work...
Ready2Wed: You never called me.
Bachelor: Erm, yea u know u're right. It's just been crazy with work...havent really had much time...you know what...i'll call u tonight, same number right? Cool, gotta run to work.
its not that I didnt want to call her..I did (she turned around to walk away and any doubt in my mind that I wanted to call her was wiped away by the sway of her hips)...I really was busy.
I called her that friday and we talked for an hour or so. This was when I was still able to sustain a phone convo for hours without incorporating phone sex. She called me back about an hour after we hung up and we talked into the night. I thought "Cool, she seems interested". I had no idea.
She called me the next morning..something like 8am...on a saturday! I was up because it was family devotion time (for all of you who think I am the devil's pikin...i am not)..anyway I told her I would call her back when i was leaving the house (popsi likes to eavesdrop).
We talked, again, for hours during which she told me of her less than angelic past. But how, now she had made a promise to God: No more sex till marriage. I should have let it burn there. I didnt want to be the reason she breaks her promise to God, and I wasnt considering celibacy...or marriage.
She was out of town all this time, which is why we only talked on the phone, but she would be back on monday evening.
"Cool", i said, "we should chill".
R2W: "Yea, definitely. What do you want to do?"
Smf:"Erm, this movie just came out and i've been dying to see it. Interested?"
R2W:"Sure, I'd love to. It's a date!"
Smf:"Well, we're just hanging out, really..not really a date"
R2W: "Nonsense, it's a date"
Smf: "Ok, ok its a date...but u know how dates usually end right?" *cheeky*
R2W:"lol. i'm not kissing you..i dont kiss guys on the first date"
Smf:"we'll see".
We set it up for tuesday afternoon (I had quit my job...it was one of those commission based door to door jobs that almost every nigerian in the UK has done and I had decided it wasnt worth working 9am-10pm mon-sat for £50/wk).
Come tuesday, we meet up, eat, then go see the movie. She was still frontin like I would put my arm around her shoulder and she'd be like "Get off me, you're not my man". I simply raised an eyebrow and did as she asked. Then she would edge closer to me and link arms... the games some women try to play.
Anyway, we're watching the movie and she puts her head on my shoulder...I put my arm around her and think nothing of it. Then she pulls my face towards her and plants one on me.
(I just realised how long this post is getting...R2W should have gotten her own post...I'll continue in another post)
They have finally realised their true calling. I've been trying to tell them for years now but they didn't seem to be getting it. But it seems they've made some worthwhile resolutions this 2009. They've finally agreed to do the one noble thing they were put on this earth to do.
Introduce me to their succulent, delectable, scrumptious female friends.
Lol. I think I made it sound like I want to eat them from that....well I guess that's not too far from the truth. I have to admit things were getting a little dry on the poon trail, I mean there's the odd spattering of women here and there, but being a busy, hard-working Cityboy, its not nearly enough to feed my appetite.
Enter the cousins...
One cousin remarked to me early this year at church; "New year, new rules". Which I translated as "I'm done blocking you". Which makes sense. I mean, they keep trying to talk me out of my philandering ways. What better way to break the trend than introducing me to a good church girl...at least that's what I told her.
Her sisters have also fallen in line, introducing me, extolling my virtues; IM OFFICIALLY BEING PIMPED BABY!! Most of this at church too. Maybe I feel a little guilty, but I did a very good thing this last week. I'm allowed to be bad. Heh
One of said sisters was asking me the other day, 'why don't you have a girlfriend? As fine as you r, aren't any girls interested?' Her words, not mine. I laughed and answered that there were offers, I was just really selective and blah blah bullshit blah. And she said, ' that girl you have in your head, she doesn't exist; nobody is perfect'.
I simply said 'ok, find me a decent girl then' and as such she was recruited into my 'pimp squad'.
Another cousin of mine happens to know a lot of girls who i swear should model professionally and although she's been slacking in the past, she's recently coming thru. I came home one day last week to a VERY pleasant surprise. Hot HOT anonymous girl asleep in my bed!!!
Bachelor: erm, hello
Anonymous girl: *stretches in that annoyingly sexy way you girls do, and smiles* hi
I swear I was about t strip off my work clothes and jump in bed with her when my cousin walked in the room. Everybody join me and say 'BOOOOOOOOO'.
It goes without saying that I have a new favorite cousin :). Because of this same cousin, something very VERY exciting is happening tomorrow. I MIGHT blog about it, who knows. But I will say this, I must be the luckiest man that ever lived, after Heffie of course.
Now, if i could just instill this new way of thinking into some of my female friends, esp the one who has been withholding a certain email address...
Stay sexy, in and out of bed
The Bachelor
disclaimer: certain sequences and dialogue have been varied from fact for dramatic effect. The story however and all it's components, remain true.
I logged in to look at my comments and glanced at my FEEDJIT tracker...noticed quite a few people had come to my blog from missbimbo.com ...
IVE BEEN REFERENCED!!
turns out this girl thought her boyfie was cheating and myscam post helped her see the light...i feel so good...so...fulfilled.
Right, that's my good deed for the year done...now i can be as bad as I want without dipping into my Karma overdraft. *evil little laugh*
I was talking to my baby brother the other day and in the course of that conversation, I realised I can no longer call him my baby brother. He's 15 but until that enlightening conversation, 15 had just been another number added on to his age.
The boy now shaves, talks in a baritone and is about an inch taller than me. But even with all that, he was, in my eyes, still a baby.
So imagine my shock when I asked him how his Valentine's had been and he told me he had spent it in hiding.
Why?
There were too many girls on his case, something like 6 or 7. He wasnt sure.
Sho'o..
This same little boy that just yesterday peed in my face when i tried to sit him on his potty was now gaming chicks. What?? The apple obviously doesn't fall far from the ..erm...other apples.
Knowing he couldnt see my proud smile over the phone, I put on my sternest big brother voice.
Bachelor:'You shouldnt treat girls like that, you know. How do you think they feel?'
He laughed at me. *Sigh* Oh well... I tried.
Bachelor:'I hope they're all fine sha, u know u have a legacy to live up to.'
Mini-Bachelor:'Ahn ahn, of course now'
Bachelor: 'Ok o'
Then, as an afterthought, knowing that the parents would have avoided the 'Birds and the bees' talk like the plague, I did possibly the bravest thing I've done this year.
B:'Just be careful, dont...'
Mini-B: 'Yes Bachelor, I know'
B:'Ah ahn let me finish now...make sure you...'
Mini-B:'I know, I know, I know...I've managed to escape having this convo with mama and papa Bachelor and i'm not having it with you'
B: 'Hmm, ok...just let me say this. You know your parents, your father especially. Sha just know what you're doing'
*Phew* That was close.. I didnt wanna have that convo either. The thought of my baby brother getting down..*shudders*
The funny thing is that this shameful behaviour is not restricted to the men in my family. Just 3 weeks ago, my little sis came up to me at church all excited and with a trace of disbelief in her eyes.
Bachelorette:'Bachelor, we're one year today!'
Bachelor:'Wow, haha really?'
To her boyfie: 'Kudos to you sir, they should give you an award..that you were able to stay with this one for so long'
This is the same sister that has never been with anyone longer than 3 or 4 months. The same sister that in July or August was telling me. 'Its long jo. I'm tired. I'm bored. I need something new'.
I just felt sorry for the guy. Especially since I like the guy... he's cool peoples; he treats her well, he takes care of her and he's a genuinely nice guy. My parents even like him. Yes, shock horror, he's met the parents.
So I'm glad it's working out. I think dude is even thinking about marriage...which is cool, like i said, he's a good guy. But it's just kinda weird...my baby sis getting married. Going to a wedding I actually give a piss about. You can be sure my mother's cries of "So Bachelor, where is your own?" will get even louder...but that's another post.
So anyway, yes, the 'Tree' in this story. Good old pops. That man is some next level underG. When we were younger and lived in Nig, pretty much everytime an 'aunty' came to visit, my mom would be like "hmm, another one of your dad's old girlfriends". As in, player player!... dude got married at 24 so it's not like all these women were stretched out over a long period. He even dated my aunt...as in my mom's sister! for a short period. I'm so glad they never got married...so glad she's not my mommy. I love my auntie but she can be a nag sometimes...
I digress.
So anyway, the point of today's story is that I am not the way I am by choice...it's in my DNA.
Don't hate the player, hate the genes.
The Bachelor
