They have finally realised their true calling. I've been trying to tell them for years now but they didn't seem to be getting it. But it seems they've made some worthwhile resolutions this 2009. They've finally agreed to do the one noble thing they were put on this earth to do.

Introduce me to their succulent, delectable, scrumptious female friends.

Lol. I think I made it sound like I want to eat them from that....well I guess that's not too far from the truth. I have to admit things were getting a little dry on the poon trail, I mean there's the odd spattering of women here and there, but being a busy, hard-working Cityboy, its not nearly enough to feed my appetite.

Enter the cousins...

One cousin remarked to me early this year at church; "New year, new rules". Which I translated as "I'm done blocking you". Which makes sense. I mean, they keep trying to talk me out of my philandering ways. What better way to break the trend than introducing me to a good church girl...at least that's what I told her.

Her sisters have also fallen in line, introducing me, extolling my virtues; IM OFFICIALLY BEING PIMPED BABY!! Most of this at church too. Maybe I feel a little guilty, but I did a very good thing this last week. I'm allowed to be bad. Heh

One of said sisters was asking me the other day, 'why don't you have a girlfriend? As fine as you r, aren't any girls interested?' Her words, not mine. I laughed and answered that there were offers, I was just really selective and blah blah bullshit blah. And she said, ' that girl you have in your head, she doesn't exist; nobody is perfect'.

I simply said 'ok, find me a decent girl then' and as such she was recruited into my 'pimp squad'.

Another cousin of mine happens to know a lot of girls who i swear should model professionally and although she's been slacking in the past, she's recently coming thru. I came home one day last week to a VERY pleasant surprise. Hot HOT anonymous girl asleep in my bed!!!

Bachelor: erm, hello

Anonymous girl: *stretches in that annoyingly sexy way you girls do, and smiles* hi

I swear I was about t strip off my work clothes and jump in bed with her when my cousin walked in the room. Everybody join me and say 'BOOOOOOOOO'.

It goes without saying that I have a new favorite cousin :). Because of this same cousin, something very VERY exciting is happening tomorrow. I MIGHT blog about it, who knows. But I will say this, I must be the luckiest man that ever lived, after Heffie of course.

Now, if i could just instill this new way of thinking into some of my female friends, esp the one who has been withholding a certain email address...

Stay sexy, in and out of bed

The Bachelor

disclaimer: certain sequences and dialogue have been varied from fact for dramatic effect. The story however and all it's components, remain true.

I logged in to look at my comments and glanced at my FEEDJIT tracker...noticed quite a few people had come to my blog from missbimbo.com ...

IVE BEEN REFERENCED!!

turns out this girl thought her boyfie was cheating and myscam post helped her see the light...i feel so good...so...fulfilled.

Right, that's my good deed for the year done...now i can be as bad as I want without dipping into my Karma overdraft. *evil little laugh*

But I'm not apologising for it! I have just uncovered a world in which I can truly, unashamedly be myself. A world where 'my kind' is accepted because 'my kind' is the norm here. And I love you guys. So, to express my love, I'm doing a tribute to the bloggers who have welcomed, inspired and encouraged me.

The legendary Teediva- My introduction to blogville was mainly through her infamously steamy blog. She's the one who first made me want to blog. Its a shame the blog is gone now

Overwhelmed- I was struck by her depth and her openness. She's lived a lot of life and is a very strong woman for it.

Ms. Catwalq- The only writer on here whose superior talent I wont even attempt to contest. I love her stories, her imagination. Yes, I'm a Stan.

Beloved- The very first blog I ever had the pleasure of reading. A poet. Cant wait till I see her on Def Poetry Jam. She's also a dear friend and the most inspiring woman i know.

And more recently...

Lady Koko- Funny, witty, classy, real. Apparently, she has 'plans' for me. I'm still waiting to find out what these plans are. I know what my own plans for her are...hehe. Although, I wish she would stop leaving us in suspense...WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR FRIEND WITH THE CHEATING BOYFRIEND?? I could die tomorrow, u know..then I'll never know. :-P

Afrobabe- Another one I think I could kick it with in real life. Her blog is consistently hilarious (LOVE the pics).

wordmerchant - First of all, I love the name. 2nd, I love the blog.
p.s. dont fret being Nigreianized, we're taking over the world anyway...pretty soon we'll sneak into 10 Downing, and then the White House shortly after that..we cannot be stopped!

Roc Naija- thanks for the love. The blog is hilarious and he echoes a lot of my beliefs. Plus I'd like a dotcom too..hehe

and finally to all the beautiful bloggers who stop by but dont comment....

I still luv ya...maybe a little less tho

pce!

The Bachelor

ps. if i didnt mention anyone, it's not because i dont luv u, it's because alcohol kills brain cells

I was talking to my baby brother the other day and in the course of that conversation, I realised I can no longer call him my baby brother. He's 15 but until that enlightening conversation, 15 had just been another number added on to his age.

The boy now shaves, talks in a baritone and is about an inch taller than me. But even with all that, he was, in my eyes, still a baby.

So imagine my shock when I asked him how his Valentine's had been and he told me he had spent it in hiding.

Why?

There were too many girls on his case, something like 6 or 7. He wasnt sure.

Sho'o..

This same little boy that just yesterday peed in my face when i tried to sit him on his potty was now gaming chicks. What?? The apple obviously doesn't fall far from the ..erm...other apples.

Knowing he couldnt see my proud smile over the phone, I put on my sternest big brother voice.

Bachelor:'You shouldnt treat girls like that, you know. How do you think they feel?'

He laughed at me. *Sigh* Oh well... I tried.

Bachelor:'I hope they're all fine sha, u know u have a legacy to live up to.'

Mini-Bachelor:'Ahn ahn, of course now'

Bachelor: 'Ok o'

Then, as an afterthought, knowing that the parents would have avoided the 'Birds and the bees' talk like the plague, I did possibly the bravest thing I've done this year.

B:'Just be careful, dont...'

Mini-B: 'Yes Bachelor, I know'

B:'Ah ahn let me finish now...make sure you...'

Mini-B:'I know, I know, I know...I've managed to escape having this convo with mama and papa Bachelor and i'm not having it with you'

B: 'Hmm, ok...just let me say this. You know your parents, your father especially. Sha just know what you're doing'

*Phew* That was close.. I didnt wanna have that convo either. The thought of my baby brother getting down..*shudders*

The funny thing is that this shameful behaviour is not restricted to the men in my family. Just 3 weeks ago, my little sis came up to me at church all excited and with a trace of disbelief in her eyes.

Bachelorette:'Bachelor, we're one year today!'

Bachelor:'Wow, haha really?'

To her boyfie: 'Kudos to you sir, they should give you an award..that you were able to stay with this one for so long'

This is the same sister that has never been with anyone longer than 3 or 4 months. The same sister that in July or August was telling me. 'Its long jo. I'm tired. I'm bored. I need something new'.

I just felt sorry for the guy. Especially since I like the guy... he's cool peoples; he treats her well, he takes care of her and he's a genuinely nice guy. My parents even like him. Yes, shock horror, he's met the parents.

So I'm glad it's working out. I think dude is even thinking about marriage...which is cool, like i said, he's a good guy. But it's just kinda weird...my baby sis getting married. Going to a wedding I actually give a piss about. You can be sure my mother's cries of "So Bachelor, where is your own?" will get even louder...but that's another post.

So anyway, yes, the 'Tree' in this story. Good old pops. That man is some next level underG. When we were younger and lived in Nig, pretty much everytime an 'aunty' came to visit, my mom would be like "hmm, another one of your dad's old girlfriends". As in, player player!... dude got married at 24 so it's not like all these women were stretched out over a long period. He even dated my aunt...as in my mom's sister! for a short period. I'm so glad they never got married...so glad she's not my mommy. I love my auntie but she can be a nag sometimes...

I digress.

So anyway, the point of today's story is that I am not the way I am by choice...it's in my DNA.

Don't hate the player, hate the genes.

The Bachelor

Participants:

-------------

Bachelor, hildapywicy



Messages:

---------

hildapywicy: hello

Bachelor: Hi

hildapywicy: Hey Bachelor

Bachelor: Hi. Who's this?

hildapywicy: This is difficult for me to do because I'm shy..but I have a crush on you, i have been sending you emails but no response

Bachelor: Emails?

hildapywicy: I've never been able to tell you for reasons which you would quickly identify as obvious if you knew who this was.

hildapywicy: With that said, I want you to guess who I am, and approach me yourself.

Bachelor: Who is this?

hildapywicy: To help you out with your guessing I made a few pictures and videos with "Bachelor" written on my body.

hildapywicy: They're kind of risque photos so I had to make a profile at www.golivesafe.com/access/ and post them there

hildapywicy: did you get my last IM about the riscque photos? if you didnt get the link visit it in my yahoo profile

hildapywicy: My username in the members area is "BachelorandME09" (It's a free website but you might need a CC or Debit to verify your age because I had to. Sigh.)

hildapywicy: once you are inside search for me. I want you to guess who I am and then approach me yourself. I'm shy and this is the bravest thing I've probably ever done, but you need to do the rest.

Bachelor: I'd rather you just told me who you r

hildapywicy: i wont ever be able to get on yahoo messenger again this is my only day so come talk with me on the website

hildapywicy: Kisses, Secret Admirer

Bachelor: I'm not going on the website

hildapywicy: Permanent Gone Message - I quit using Yahoo Messenger, I only used it to communicate with my crush and I have now done so. He knows where to talk to me at ;)

Bachelor: Tell me who you r

Bachelor: Too bad

hildapywicy has signed out.

**************************************************

This is the dumb conversation i had with 'someone' on yahoo... my credit or debit card? in this day of yahooze? I resemble mugu?

To be honest, its kinda interesting, these bots are getting quite innovative. As for me an my house, however, we will not be fooled!

continued from here

Dwayne Hunter was still had a few chuckles left in him as he walked across the parking lot to his car. He had got a little more than he had expected today. *Who knew Cyan was a squirter* He laughed out loud at the thought.

He reached his car, the thing he loved most behind Cyan and the twins, opened the door and slid in behind the wheel. As his fingers wrapped around its hard leather, he reminisced on the day they had bought it. They had been in Germany for a conference last year and had decided to stay an extra day to take in the sights.

They had ducked into what they thought was a little cul-de-sac (Cy had just hinted that she wasnt wearing any underwear) but turned out to be a hub for the most exclusive car dealers in Western Europe.

As he kissed her in the shade, and his hands slid up her thigh and to her soft, moist center, he heard the faint but unmistakable roar of a powerful engine. He opened his eyes and there she was, the only other beauty to ever give him wet dreams; a deep, fiery orange Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera.

'Cyan', barely a whisper

'Mmm?', as she feasted on his delicious lips, not ready to let go

'Look!'

She left his lips slowly, reluctantly and turned her head to see what could possibly be so important as to distract her husband.

*Gasp* He couldn't see her face now, nor could he see her dark beautiful eyes glaze over, but by the way her soft, supple body went rigid and trembled against him, and the fluids running down his fingers which were still up her skirt, he could tell she had just had a mini-orgasm.

She turned back to look at him. Their eyes met for only a second, but in that time they knew. They were getting that car!!

He took her hand and walked into the showroom, and after a quick chat with the dealer, and a sizable amount withheld from his account as a deposit (They were, afterall colored skinned people in Frankfurt), they had the keys and were taking the beautiful machine for a test drive. As they pulled out of the dealership, he caught Cyan's eye, danger lurked in them.

'Autobahn?', he asked, knowing what her answer would be.

'Autobahn'.

He did his car like he did his woman....rough, hard, fast. He was in 6th gear within 15seconds of entering the speedway, and he was gaining speed. He could feel Cyan's eyes, calmly, patiently, watching him. He knew she liked it when he got intense, and right now, he was 175 miles per hour of intense.

*Uh oh* what was that?* he felt something slide up his thigh. He didnt dare look down, not at this speed

*zzzzzzzip!* Lawd Almighty! was this woman crazy?!?!* He was approaching 190 miles per hour, he needed to concentrate!!

She slid her hand between the layers and grabbed his rapidly hardening manhood. He never wore any underwear around her, 20 years of experience and many a ripped pair had taught him that. Nothing got in her way, so it was safer to remove the obstacles. She stroked upwards.

'Cy....'

'Shhhh, mama's working'

She pulled him out, leaned over and licked the tip. A bead of sweat rolled down his face. He thought about slowing down, moved to take his foot off the gas.

'Dont even think about it!', her command was a menacing hiss. He obeyed.

She was teasing him now, licking and sucking the tip. His grip on the steering wheel was deathly. Then she took him whole, and he almost died. All he could think at that moment was *What a beautiful way to die; 200mph with the woman i love* And he wasnt afraid to die here. The needle wasnt even on the speedometer anymore, and he, was no longer on earth.

He had no idea how far they went before they had to go back, but they turned around eventually. About a mile from the showroom, he pulled over and parked the car beneath a tree. He looked at Cyan, her eyes closed, she looked contented, like a cat who had just had its cream.

He took her in, she was so beautiful, even more now than she was in high school; Her big, deep brown eyes, her full, supple strawberry lips, from her defined jaw down to the curve of her beautiful neck, her skin was like silk that gently carressed her. And her breasts...

'Aaah fuck..' he cursed under his breath as he picked her up, pushed his chair all the way back and placed her on the steering wheel. Her eyes were open now and she smiled lazily at him. That smile drove him crazy, and she knew it.

She pushed her breasts together with her hands, an offering to him, but there was no time, he wanted her wetness. He pulled her hips forward and buried his face in her. She let out a moan and stroked his hair. And then she couldnt take it any longer, she needed penetration. She pushed him away, and slid, skilfully onto his hard member. She had left him unzipped on purpose. They both came instantly, the buildup had been too intense.

Trembling in each others arms as they recovered, he whispered in her ear 'I love you Cy'

'I love you too Dw, always'.

........................................................................

Even as he sat behind the wheel thinking about it, he felt himself start to stir. 'Relax', he said out loud to himself, 'there's a few errands to run this afternoon. She'll take care of it tonight'

So I thought I'd dabble a bit in short stories, but since this blog is purely fact, you can find the first product of my overactive imagination at http://entertaininginsanity.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

The Bachelor