So I've been thinking about my sinking ships. The friend-ships and relation-ships. I've been thinking about my attitude toward them and I think it's necessary to make amends in some cases. You know, plug some holes.
Let me explain. I come with a disclaimer.
"Don't get your emotions involved with me because I am emotionally unavailable and since I have let you know this upfront, I remain blameless if you refuse to heed this advice".
I have lived by this. And I have hurt people with my "you do you, let me do me- you don't own me" attitude.
Case-in-point: Frisco.
My B-U-D-D-Y. SHE set the tone of the engagement "I'm not looking for anything serious". I concurred. A little further down the line, she wanted to be exclusive. I (grudgingly) agreed. And then, after a particularly busy week for me where I hadn't been in touch for a while, this conversation occured on facebook.
Hi, how are you doing?
I'm good, you?
Good, what have you been up to?
Work and other stuff. Been swamped this week.
Ok (long pause) I think we should take a break, for a while.
Umm..Ok, mind if I ask why?
...(pause..no reply)
Ok, if that's what you wanna do.
(long pause) I'm really sorry to be doing this on facebook. Hope we're cool
It's cool. We're good.
And that was that, I would miss the sex, but she would have her reasons I thought. Then a few days later on facebook.
Hey
Hey
I'm really sorry about the way I ended things. I hate people that do things like that on facebook. I didn't mean to do it like that
It's ok
It was just a spur of the moment thing.
lol..really, it's ok
(pause) so i take it you're not really bothered then
(at this point i'm thinking "hmmm, i have to be careful how I respond to this")
I'm sure you had your reasons, I'm choosing to respect them.
A couple of weeks pass, then I get this text.
"I miss you, but I'm not really comfortable to going back to the way things were. If you don't want anything 'official' it's cool, we can just be friends'
I'd had a bad day so I may have been a bit hasty when I replied;
"I don't think I'm in a place where I can commit right now, I want us to be friends tho"
So here's the thing. One could argue (and I have) that I did nothing wrong. But I know, if I really think about it, that I was wrong a lot of times. I was an asshole because I knew there were feelings, and I ignored them. Played the "you were warned" card.
I do similar things in my friendships. While I don't actively hurt people, I hurt them with my inaction and my total lack of emotional investment.
So, I have a few amends to make.
Making Amends
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3 comments:
I guess admittance is the first step to recovery...
Goodluck...Keep us posted.
You were right. She set the pace, you followed it and at the end, rather than be upfront about her feelings, she chose to break it off to see if you would beg or come after her. Not very clever on her part, however, if you suspected there were feelings, you should have initiated the conversation and at least reiterated the fact that you wanted nothing serious.
Sometimes it sucks being an adult and being responsible for feelings. Good thing I don't have any :D
Like Lowlah said,
She probably did it to incite some kind of reaction from you, I guess it backfired......
You already know what the problem is, you've admitted it and now, to do something about it (if only you want to of course)
But this behavior feels like its from someone that has been hurt before
Have you?
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