what has six legs(or seven depending how u define it),4 pairs of lips and lots of animal noises?

a 3some!!!

yes blog family, the long awaited tale of my 3some excapades. I'll start at the beginning.

It all began with my little friend the promoter, who is probably the biggest womanizer on this planet. He would chase after anything that walked...and had a decent sized bottom. I was with him one day when he began flirting wit this jamaican girl (dancer with dreads, 34C with 48in hips) that went to our uni. I stood back and watched from a distance because I always felt slightly uneasy and embarrased at the blatantly obvious lines he would use with these girls.

Needless to say, he was unsuccessful. He sauntered off to some new conquest and the girl looked up at me and asked "is your friend serious?". I simply shrugged and smiled, didnt want to get involved. we engaged in light banter and flirted for a few minutes and, after giving her a look that told her that i would like to do things to her that would make Pamela Anderson blush, i took my leave.

The next day, I ran into her and her friend, Ibo girl on my way from class and the flirting was stepped up a notch. As I stood talking to them Ibo girl, who it now occurs to me probably also had a thing for me (such is my arrogance lol), rested her hand on my arm in that oh so obvious manner, and then

"Ooh, you have nice arms, do you work out?" And...well... I do, so I replied "Yes". That's when Jamo girl starts to feel underneath my coat, basically quaving me from abs to chest. Not knowing how to respond, I stood there like an idiot with a cheesy grin on my face that Ronald McDonald would have envied.

And thus ensued my affair of the mind with Jamo girl, wooing her with smutty poetry, smiling knowing smiles at her, regularly touching her in mildly inappropriate places, all at the same time playing it very cool and remaining very aloof. And then one day, suddenly, she was naked in my bed.

After lots and lots of heavy petting and after I had spent about an hour "south of the border", I decided it was time to "send junior to his room". And as soon as he was in...

"Wait".

"I cant do this".

I'm thinking "what the fuck is wrong with these women?!?!?"

Me i'm no rapist so i asked "Are you sure? What's wrong?" as I flipped onto my back and my proud warrior kept his head high.

Jamo Girl: Erm..I'm kinda seeing someone at the moment.
Me: Oh, so you have a boyfriend. (You couldnt have mentioned this all that time i spent feasting on roast beef)
JG: No, we're just fucking. OMG i cant believe i just said that.

I've always had a little cheek about me, so ignoring the fact that she was obviously embarrased i asked "so why cant we just fuck?"

JG:*chuckles* I really like you, but I won't feel right. I have to sort it out with the other guy first, give me a little time

that's when i literally started talking through my penis...telling her, i really like you too, forget him lets just have fun now..blah blah blah... but she wasnt having it. she wanted to do it proper or not at all

i should note, this happens a lot, my lascivious (some might say disgusting) advances on women are received as endearing because these women cannot reconcile a horny dog with someone that writes beautiful poetry (i do toot my own horn). according to their lovecrossed brains, I must have a certain "depth"...which i admit has a certain truth to it, but sometimes i just wanna, u know, knock boots.

Anyway, she had made her mind up, so I went to the bathroom, knocked it out and came back to bed...the yeye girl had the nerve to cuddle...anyway sha...i fell asleep eventually.

Next morning, I woke up to someone sitting on me...not in that way. This girl was sitting on my pelvis, buck naked and staring at me. I myself was fully unclothed and i had that morning wood.
The fuckin tease was circling the tip but would not let me in...Cruella De Ville would've been horrified by the evil.

Ok, I just realised that i've written a preamble to the threesome the size of an entire blog so i'll just tell u the cliff notes in btwn. I told her i wasnt ready for a relationship, but i still wanted to bump uglies (yes i can be that blunt). at first she said she wasnt interested in just that...then over time, through lots more flirting (i wasnt afraid to touch her anywhere anymore after that night), she ended up naked in my bed, again. and once again, i was denied after i'd given her some delicious head...i was getting tired of her shit at this point.

Fast forward to my friend the promoter's January event, aptly titled 3some...this put ideas in Jamo girls head and she told me, if i could find another willing participant, she was down. That was the shortest lived joy i have ever experienced, when i realised i would have to convince another girl to engage in our depravity. To make matters worse, i had been restricted to girls of african descent. Good luck to me.

I had all but forgotten about this offer when one night, lying in bed at 1am half asleep, my phone rang. It was Jamo girl. She was with her Ibo girl friend whose birthday it was and they had had a few drinks. The conversation went a little like this

Jamo girl: hey [my name...i almost actually typed it in just heh], what r u up to?
Me: (groggy and a little irritated)I'm in bed, wassup
JG: Well me and Ibo girl have just had a few drinks and we were talking about you. She wants to talk to you (practically forces the phone into IG's hands)
Ibo girl: Well, erm..Jamo girl wanted to ask you something (phone is passed back)
JG: (through hysterical laughter) Ibo girl wants to do something special for her birthday. would you be interested in a 3some?
Me:(eyes shooting open, any sleepiness is gone) what? really? dont fuck around.
JG: Yes are you gunna come down?
Me: Wait. u girls are about 30 mins away by cab. u'd better not back out when i get there.if i come, we're all coming tonight (slightly edited to make me sound more witty)
JG: Dont worry. Just come.

if Superman had watched the speed with which i got dressed, he would have gotten dizzy and fallen out of the sky. I downed about 3 ginseng pills, called a cab and was on my way.

On getting there i settled into the couch with a glass of hennessy and coke we talked for a couple of minutes. Apparently Ibo girl was having misgivings and it was up to me to convince her. jamo girl was down.

After i finished my drink, i pulled her up to the bedroom and laid her on the bed and proceeded to take her clothes off. And then while Jamo girl sorted out the mood music, i went to work on Ibo girl with the magic tongue. Before long, she was done trying to object and Jamo girl was too turned on to just stay watching, so she joined us; Jamo girl rode me(the first official time we had sex), while Ibo girl sat on my face. I dont know how long it lasted till i came...but it wasnt too long (such was my excitement).

I got up and went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and by the time i came back, they were on each other, kissing, touching...2 naked women, right in front of me. I was singing for joy inside, but i just played it cool and stood there and watched with a sly smile on my face. It was too dark to tell who was who, but when I saw one of the bumbums rise up into the air, i knew it was time to fulfil my mission, albeit, not in missionary.

I had already put the condom on so i approached like a hyena and attacked her from behind while she fingered and licked the other girl. The other girl who i realised eventually was the Jamo girl, got up and started cheering us on when it became obvious that Ibo girl was in no condition to administer any kind of pleasure giving attention "Ooh she's feeling it now" were her exact words, as she took sick pleasure in her friends obvious state of "distress". And then, "dont use it all up on her, save some for me". Then we switched, and Ibo girl did some weird sort of 3 way 69 where she licked and fondled my balls, i hit Jamo girl from the back, and Jamo girl cunnilingued (that really should be a word) her.

At some point during this degenerate action, the sun came up. We wrapped it up after I had one of the most intensely delicious expellations of my life. We were all knackered, but Jamo girl wanted more still. Omo, man no gree..i was spent. The three of us lay in the double bed staring at the ceiling, sobered up, and realising we had actually just done it. I was, of course, sworn to secrecy. (but i have no secrets from my blogger fam).

I have since ticked that off my list of "Things to do before i'm 30". but i wont be doing it again, because I found very soon after that after a 3 way, it's very difficult to get excited by one woman.

Lawd that was a long post. Hope you enjoy.

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