Split-personality....disorder?

I have struggled with my identity for a long time. This is as a result of growing up under the tutelage of an extremely overbearing father (I love my father very much and I try to understand that it's because he wants the best for me, but sometimes, it does just get too much to bear).

I'm 23 yrs old and yet I feel like I have no autonomy to make my own decisiions. He wants to be involved in, and consulted on, everything. From my career choice, all the way down to how I do my laundry....my f*****g LAUNDRY!! And even when he isnt consulted, he feels the need to profer his "advice" (really it's more like 'do what i say or i will nag u till u give in').

I hide stuff that I buy from him because of the "so how much was that one now"s that inevitably lead to the "are you sure you're on top of your finances"s. I'm flipping 23 yrs old and this man is trying to tell me how to spend the money I used my own sweat to make. My own sweat! And he's trying to tell me how to spend it?!?!?! He said this a couple of days ago (i paraphrase somewhat but i try to quote him as closely as possible):

I know you like nice things, but dont buy the "top of the range", even if you can afford it. You are too young to be sporting designer clothes and the like. If you have extra money, you should divert it into savings and investments and then later on in life when you are comfortable you can start buying those expensive things. Take a cue from me...

I concede that there is a certain wisdom to the mans argument. Saving is important. But I'm going into a decent job and will be making enough to save a decent chunk and STILL be able to afford some luxuries. Bear in mind, this man is now nearing 50, with a FAT bank account but still holding on to his time honed frugal habits. If you saw my dad in the streets, you would never be able to guess how much he's worth. I only know because I "stumbled" accross some financial documents and this man is MINTED!

I guess it's a good thing that he remains humble and self-sacrificing, but that's the life he chose for himself. It's time he let me make a decision about my life.

It's not just money...

Every decision I make, depending on whether he agrees or not, is either vetoed or "encouraged" so much so that it eventually seems like it was his idea and not mine.

I'M 23!!!!

Turning 24 this year and this man is still trying to run my life. I have a curfew when I'm at his house...a flippin CURFEW!

He's trying to get me talking about what kinda qualities I'm looking for in a wife...probably trying to make that decision for me as well...so glad I still have YEARS to think about that decision

oh he already tried to set me up with someone...3 yrs ago...before i was even in the country...he still asks till this day why i wasnt interested...and i wanna say "BECAUSE U CHOSE HER!!" She's actually pretty cool and we might have had a different story if he wasnt trying to set us up...but that's another story

He is constantly bugging me about different things and doesnt know when to let something slide...i mentioned laundry earlier...today's spiel was about me washing my boxers in the washing machine when i should be doing it by hand...WHAT? what the hell is the washing machine there for? I told him quite frankly that i did not see the point of giving myself unnecessary work and he said i was just being lazy...i thot to myself.."well in this instance i can afford to be!

My point is...why argue about a thing like that? In the grand scheme of things, I dont think my destiny is going to be preconcluded on whether I washed my boxers by hand or machine.

Sometimes I think the man isnt trying to raise a son...he's trying to raise a robot, a clone of himself but without flaws...he's trying to raise me perfect...but i'm not perfect and i dont want to be perfect...i just want to be me; quirky, driven, ambitious, creative, indecisive, playful, hardworking, friendly, inspired, God-fearing me.

But I'm still his son. He is still my father.

Related Posts :