i found myself smiling back at someone who was clearly amused and had made eye contact with me. Then it struck me. Why were we smiling? This guy was very obviously distressed and he was lamenting about some serious issues. So why did we find entertainment in his situation?

These circumstances are the things that make me realise the truth of the Bible when it says that we do not know the evil that lurks within our own hearts. This man was not trying to be a clown. Maybe he had mental issues.

He may even just have life issues....but are either of those what any of us would refer to as comedy?

He ranted and raved for at least 20 minutes of the ride but in all that time, not one person (myself included) stopped to speak to him, asked him what was wrong. We all just laughed and chuckled, chuckled and smiled.

Why were we surprised when he turned on us? Told us all we were a bunch of rodents and we were all going to hell (I reject that in Jesus' name)

Some of us laughed him off dismissively when he spoke directly to us...some of us just plain ignored him.

Is this the society we live in today? We dont just "dont care" anymoer. We actually delight in the sufferings of others. Is this truly who we are?

If it is, God help us.

- people who say things to make themselves appear inarticulate in order to seem "cool" (eg. people who say "mans")

-people who attempt to fake eloquence by overcomplicating simple statements (eg. people who say "myself" or "yourself" in the place of "me" or "you")

-people who correct proper english with improper english (eg. "I'll give it to you" corrected with "I'll give it you")~supplied by Roro

-people who ALWAYS know the right thing to do and will not rest till you know that they know and consequently accept their advice

-people who dont know but pretend like they know and then get u in trouble for doing it their way

-REPETITION. if i've heard it once before, or twice, or 1000 times and nothings changed..what makes u think saying it now will make a difference?

-"Discussions" that are really lectures. If the only sound u hear come from me is "Yes" "Okay" "Mhmm" then it lacks the give and take of a discussion. I will treat it like i treat all my lectures. (Daydream about Jessica Alba).

-people telling me I speak good english. Yes. I did. but now u said that I'm gunna cuss u all day im my mother tongue.

-IDIOTS...you know who u r

-people who explain things by saying "That's just the way it is/done/has always been"

-senseless tradition along with people who embrace it without fully understanding why (robots)

-ISMs...why do we kid ourselves? Deep down we're all EVERYBODYELSE-IST

-university education. is it really worth 3 yrs and 30 grand to learn stuff ur never gunna use again?

-garage, speed garage, house, grime "music" (i apologise to all my british brothers and sisters...but i just dont get it)...some hip-hop as well

virtual babies...why?

-the word "GEEZER"...i swear if that word ever comes out of my mouth in conversation, i'm stabbing everyone i ever heard use it

-people who say "lol" or "brb" or "lmao" in spoken conversation...what the hell is wrong with u?

It's starting to get quite irritating. It first started last summer. Living in the beautifully sunny (NOT) England that I do, it rained everyday of the summer....then I bought an umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay.

Nothing but blue skies and sun for 3 wks, even though I carried my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay (yes i'm gunna do that everytime i say umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay...hehe) everywhere I went. Then one day Deloitte put us on a coach for our 2 day new starters orientation in Birmingham. I forgot my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay on the coach. I had NEVER opened that umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay since the day I bought it...it was practically brand new, never used. That hurt.

It rained elephants and rhinos the next day!

And it kept raining. I thought it was a fluke and bought another umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay(=p ok i'll stop now). We had Southern California weather for a month. Then I left the umbrella on the train. I step out of the train station, sun's still shining, it's all good...no. It rained and I was soaked by the time I got home.

By that time winter was nearing so I decided to just grin and bear it. If I got wet I got wet...invested in hoodies. Then at the start of the summer I decided to get another umbrella cause it was raining practically everyday. No rain from that day onwards until...Graduation day, I forget my umbrella at home...

I GOT SOAKED IN MY SUIT!!!

Learned my lesson, carried my umbrella everywhere I went....until this really sunny day...beautiful 23 degree(80F) weather...i wore shorts...left my umbrella at home (forgot it). As a joke, I sent my friend a text to warn her of rain since I had forgot my umbrella. I didnt really believe it...

I was at work all day and only went outside at about 7pm.

Torrential rains....TORRENTIAL! I was wearing shorts and a Tshirt!! Had no umbrella and was taking public transport home. Needless to say I got drenched and now wherever I go, no matter the weather, I always carry my umbrella...ella, ella, ay, ay, ay

I been thinking about what kinda father I'm gunna be... (no, that clock is NOT ticking and I'm not looking to get any girls pregnant)...but it was a thought. I dont wanna turn into MY father. As much as I love him, and as much as he tries, he's a nag. And as a result, I dont talk to him about most things

I dont want to be a nagging dad. I want my son to talk to me.

I want him to tell me when he's done right

I want him to tell me when he's don wrong.

I want him to tell me about the first girl he likes.

I want him to tell me when she doesnt like him back and it hurts

I want him to tell me when she does like him back and they'r going on their first date so I can teach him how to deal with her father.

I want to teach him how to throw a football (i need to go and learn first)

I want to teach him to fall in love with poetry and reading and writing.

I want him to know that while he is entitled to his privacy, he is free to come to me about anything and it'll be our little secret. Yes, I want secrets with my son, his mother doesnt have to know everything. I'm sure there'll be some things he can only tell her too.

I want him to say "thank you" when I punish him because he understands the reason he's getting punished and is grateful to have parents that care enough to punish him. LOL. Ok, I know, pigs fly and all that, I would probably be a lil freaked out if my son said "thank you" after a spanking.

I want to introduce him to old school music, Luther Vandross, Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye...so we can both sing off key in the car while his mother and sister cringe.

I want to teach him to walk with dignity, to talk with integrity

I want to teach to apologise for mistakes he might make, but never for who he is.

I want him to know that it's OK to make mistakes as long as he learns from them.

I want to tell him that he can be anything HE wants to be as long as he's happy and it's in God's will.

Yes, he will know God, it's not a want, it's a WILL. He will know and worship Him and love Him just like I do and his path will be made straight.

I want him to believe

After a brief break from the women (by that i mean exams), i decided to allow GG and all her friends. E don tire me for them anyway, too much wahala. A friend of mine was having a birthday BBQ and had invited me. U know me, I cant say no to free chicken man.

That's where I got introduced to "Bella". I had actually met Bella briefly about a year before at another friend's send-off party and I thot the babe was pretty hot, but she just seemed really angry that night and me i dont have time for ejo(drama) so I had allowed her.

Bella was one of those Naija girls that grew up in london with naij parents. The ones that get sent to secondary school in naij to acquire some "discipline" lol. Yea, one of those. They talk with a british accent but have a very Naija mentality. Me I didnt know this at first o. I just saw "fine girl" na so my eye shine

Anyway, she was at this BBQ with her friend Tash and Tash was a very nice, also pretty hot babe (but i had eyes for Bella sha). Tash was more friendly tho, so we got to talking quite a bit while Bella just sat in the corner and would say something every now and then. Tash now started telling me that Bella had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was just looking for some good fun.(I think she was trying to set us up..thank God for best friends). This is when my eyes started to shine even more! That's how i started making more of an effort to talk to the babe but she sef was frontin, so I excused myself for a bit to go and talk to my friends...maybe she just needed to be starved of attention a bit.

I came back and this girl was gone! Her friends were looking for her, crying and all, worried out of their minds. Apparently, shorty had left with some dude!! See me see wahala!

I COULD HAVE BEEN THAT DUDE!!

Man I was so vexed. The chick came back sha, it turned out the guy was just a friend and they had just walked down the street to talk. I was about to leave when she got back so I collected her number and bounced.

I called her a few days later and we started talking...this girl started giving me a list of reasons why we cant date

I'm older than you (so? it was only by 8 months sef)

Our star signs aren't perfectly compatible (Shuo? This girl na winch?)

You're short, and I only date tall guys (...

First of all, this was a very sensitive topic at that time as I hadnt fully come to terms with my height, I have now. I'm 5ft8, she's 5"4...i know her ex...he was about 5"6, so i didnt see her point)

All of these should have been warning signs for me to run. And usually it would be the kinda "scoin,scoin"(see "Fineboy") that would have me running, but I no gree run for this one o. She just too fine. So I persevered. I said I will see her when I come to london for the summer.

I got to london and we hung out for a bit...then her parents went to Nig and she invited me to her crib one friday night for some wine (omo see as i dey happy).I got there and she made me watch Dreamgirls. Ok, ok, as much as i hate to admit it it was a good movie. Anyhow sha, the movie finishes at like 1am and she wants to put on another one. I was like "nah, let's just talk".

At that point we had finished 2 bottles of Rose and were halfway thru the third...i hadnt eaten since lunch except for some chocolate(and I HATE an empty glass and LOATHE a full glass so i'm constantly re-filling, drinking, re-filling, drinking), so the alcohol was getting to me a lil more than usual..that's how me who is usually quite quiet and reserved started spitting all kinds of game mehn. I was saying all kinds of stuff to get this girl to kiss me sha...and she just kept playing hard to get...but i no gree give up until...

Bella - ok then. *grabs my head and shoves her tongue in my mouth*

I was ready mehn. I tongue wrestled the shit out of her, then after a few minutes..

Bella - ur a really good kisser actually

Me - Well ur not so bad urself

Bella - not so bad? I'll show u not so bad *pushes me off...and gets on top of me* (dont get any ideas, we were both fully clothed...unfortunately)

So we're rolling around her bed, dancing the dance and I unhook her bra and try to take her top off. No such luck...this girl would not let me...so i tried to take off her pants (if there's one place I love to go its downtown...and the ladies usually love it) but this girls stopped me....

her excuse is that she can be quite loud and her bro was in the next room...stupid bro...GO OUT...IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT!!

anyway sha i'm thinking, so i'm sleeping in this girls bed and all we're gunna do is make out? what rubbish? then i roll over and lie on my back so she can catch her breath...this girl now begins undoing my belt buckle and slides her hand into my boxers

"I feel like doing something naughty"

*Smiling* Go ahead have fun

She starts to rub it until junior starts to wake up, until he's at full attention, then she lowers her head and touches it with her lips (in my mind i'm thinking "YATAAAA"..hehe...think Hiro Nakamura)

"Nah, i dont think so...not tonight"

FUCKIN' TEASE!! God punish u!!

I was too drunk to go home and it was lyk 4 in the morning anyway, but I wasnt about to beg some trick for a blowjob, I was too drunk to give a shit anyway...my mind drifted off to other things, Junior calmed down, and I went to sleep.

Capetown was South African. Stunning with a ton of swag. She always had a knowing half-cocked smile that intrigued me.

She was also one of Ghana Girl's closest friends.

GG told me that when she first met her, she hadnt liked her at all. She was a bit alarmed at this person that wrote poetry like she did, loved all the same non-commercial music that she did, this person who was "her" in so many ways.

Then she realised it would be fun to have someone to talk to about intellectual music as opposed to the latest Chris Brown track. To converse with about the breadth of J Ivy's written word in contrast to the depth of Dahlak Braithwaite's spoken word. And then they really hit it off

GG introduced me to her "really cool friend" Capetown in Febuary 2007. At first I was a little cautious of her and her knowing, half-cocked smile. Then we got to talking and I began to think

"This girl is kinda cool".

Somewhere between the end of march and the middle of april, I asked GG for "permission" to date her friend since we had this thing NOT going on between us. She said it was cool...matter of fact she encouraged me, said it was a "fantastic idea".

We went out a few times, but when I kissed her I realised I couldnt be with her. When I kissed her, there was nothing.

.

I had to end it.

She was very understanding. She had never thought it was a good idea to date since I had liked her friend first. So all was good in the hood. And we remained friends.

This was before the drunken kiss i mentioned in my previous post. Making Capetown half the reason for my title; "Friend Kisser"

the past year or so has been ..well..interesting to say the least...I've had a total mindshift from the place I was in, say, 15 months ago.

It all started with Ghana Girl. Calm, sultry, sexy Ghana Girl. Toned and voluptuous (36DD, 46hips). She was like the ying to my yang. We had the same tastes in music, poetry (she wrote as well, beautiful, intimidating poetry) she was my muse. She was a good girl but she loved sex (we went to an STD awareness event and she grabbed about 50 durexes for herself, got me to grab about 20 and got another one of her friends to grab a few...2 weeks later, she told me they were gone)...but only with her boyfriend. Oh how I tried to break them up... She was meant for me..to be MY girl..and she didnt help when she said "If I wasn't in a situation, you and I would be in a situation"....

So of course I tried to break em up...

But she loved her boyfriend, and she didnt know me very well...still I didnt lose hope...until...

I KISSED HER FRIEND!!!

We had all gone clubbing that night and I had just got paid so I got pretty plastered...and I bought her and her friends quite a few drinks too...(one of them indulged my generosity a little more than the others..between the two of us I think we had about 10 rum and cokes and maybe 5 or 6 vodka redbulls)...we were wasted. Anyway, at the end of the night we're parking lot pimpin' and i go to give homegirl a hug and she plants a big wet one on me...

Now I'm drunk, straight, and her lips taste good, so I pull her back for another one. I dont know how long it lasted but at some point during, her friends must've looked over cause I hear "what is she doing?" at which point she pulls away. Now, her official story is

I was drunk, I dont remember, I didnt know what I was doing, he took advantage of me....

WHAT?

I was drunk too. I do remember. She had been trying to kiss me all night on the dance floor. I didnt purposely make her drunk. I was just in a generous mood....i think u took advantage of me u silly lil trick. So now I'm known as the friend kisser because I've kissed two of her friends (the other one is another story) and I have no chance now with GG or any of her friends as she now loves to "spoil show" for me. We remain friends tho.

I was going to tell u about my entire year in this one post but taking into consideration how long it's taking to speak about one person, i may have to split this up into a series. I'll figure out how i'll split em up later.

But for now, remember it all started with Ghana Girl