i'm a good man
...it dont mean im a saint
it dont mean im perfect, im not...im flawed
filled with imperfections, so dont look at me in awe
i'm just lyk u, a reflection, of rejection...or reception
depends who you ask
i've hurt many, i may hurt you
dont take it personal, i been hurt too
but thatz no excuse..
i've sinned, i've lied, i've cheated, been tried
denied when caught, renounced my thoughts
repented, backslid, i've run, i've hid
got into trouble plenty, got my hands dirty
gone to church and tried to change
came home and did it again
but i will lay down my life for my friends
i will take a bullet for my family, for the ones i love
i will try to make everyday count
make someones day, everyday
i will try to make you happy
sometimes i'll fail, sometimesi'll succeed
sometimes i'll just come up short
and sometimes i'll blow your mind
other times i'll be just enough
but everytime, i'll try, everytime
cuz see i'm a good man...but that dont mean im a saint

...for a little while at least. As of 10pm today, and unfortunately, I wont be taking any of you lovely people with me.

I'm having something of a 'crisis of faith'. In reverse.

I spent this easter weekend in sombre reflection better known as 'bed' and I've come to the conclusion that quite a few things need to be re-evaluated in my life; these dont' require an audience. In the meantime, I'll be posting some of my old, and some new, poetry on my other blog.

I don't know how long I'll be gone for, or whether I'll emerge from this a different Scribbles, but I do know that I'll miss all of you muchly. As Temite would say, you are the only cream cheese on my bagel. So I'll be back. Try not to miss me too much.

I love you guys.

It's Good Friday...and once again Reflection catches up to me. But today he brings with him my other friends Thankfulness and Humility. Arrogance doesn't like Humility, Vanity hates her, the twins are jealous of her, but they all respect her, so they bow out. They'll meet up with me later.

We decide to go visit my old friend Poetry. Haven't seen him in a while. I've become really close to his sister Words, and I guess he felt there was no room for him in our friendship. But today we all got together, our mind on the Cross, and the Spirit upon us. And with pen in hand, and Thankfulness taking the lead, we write:


Lord I look upon this day and remember price paid
Stone rolled accross grave, great sacrifice laid
I'm reminded of my life and my strength and my breath
And I'm thankful for your love, and your grace, and your death
I'm thankful cause it's friday, and I'm thankful for the Cross
I'm thankful for 3 days is all it took to show Hades who's boss (lol)
I'm thankful I can write, and although it might seem silly
And some people might not appreciate that I'm thankful for a working willy.
I'm thankful for the bloggers and this new world I'm a part of
I'm thankful for inspiration, even though it was slow for starters
I'm thankful for the comments and I'm thankful for the love
I'm thankful for the banter, even those trying to marry me off (all weapons fashioned against me shall not prosper)
But most of all, Sweet Jesus, I'm thankful for today
And even though I side step it, I'm thankful for The Way.
Thank You Lord.

Not one of my more intricate pieces, but it gets the message accross.


Finally, here's a lesson in estate planning. (Joke)

When a young investment banker found out that he was going to inherit a fortune after his sick father died, he decided that he'd look for a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went off to a singles bar, where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

'I may look like an ordinary man', the banker said. 'But in a week or two, when my father dies, I'll inherit $40m. Impressed, the woman went home with the young heir that evening. Three days later she became his stepmother.

How strong are you? She asked me.
Strong enough. Why?
I want to try something ...different.

We were laying in the after glow now. I reckon blogville wants to hear the full story.

She walked in and took her coat off...

She threw it on the couch and bent over to turn on her stereo, just as I turned around from locking her front door. Her skirt was scandalous. I don enter am today. She walked back up to me and put her arms around my neck. She kissed me. Soft, sensual, but at the same time deep, hungry. She pulled my t shirt over my head. She was intent on getting me undressed this time.

I pushed back on her, pinning her to the wall and hiked up her skirt. *Did this girl ever wear underwear?* My flatmate might be home soon. Let's take this to the bed room. I picked her up and carried her to the bed, kicking the door shut behind me. I hurriedly stripped off the rest of her clothes.

I skipped her breasts this time, her nectar was already flowing freely and I was thirsty. Mmm, it's not fair, I'm totally naked and you're still wearing your jeans. I took them off. And your boxers? She tugged at them I pulled those off too and returned to my work. I buried my head in her wetness, my right palm putting light pressure on her pelvis, right above the clit, my left hand teasing her nipples. Her breathing was fast, strained, and she was a yeller. I liked that.

My tongue probed her clit, light flicks interrupted by direct pressure; soft kisses and gentle sucking, exploring deeper within her; her pronunciations were becoming progressively less intelligible. I looked up to see her eyes closed, head thrown back, both hands had a deathly grip on the headboard. I smiled inwardly. Then my eyes caught a picture frame. The picture was of them. Her and the boyfriend.

I stopped short. We shouldn't be doing this.
What?
I got up, paced the room and proceeded to give her a lecture (HEEDIOT!!). You have a boyfriend, this doesnt feel right. And we're friends. I don't want this to ruin the dynamic of our friendship..blah, blah.

I stopped when I noticed her eyes were following me, a glazed over look on her face. She wasn't listening to a word. I traced the path of her eyes. Mini-scribbles was rock hard and at attention. Ready for duty.

Me and him are not together anymore. I can't be with someone who hurts me this much. There is nothing to feel guilty about. We both have needs.Even as she spoke, her voice a soft purr, she took me in her hand. Let's just enjoy this. She worked her hand up and down the shaft.

Omo, body no be firewood.

I attacked her with a ferocity and intensity I wasnt even aware I possessed. We fell back into bed and I took her. Animalistic copulation ensued.

When we both came, she asked me to stay inside her. It's better that way. She was right. Her spasms caused me to spasm, which in turn...u get the gist.

And as we lay in the afterglow...

How strong are you?
Strong enough. Why?
I want to try something ...different. Have you ever done the 69, vertically?
Um, no.
Me either. She said with that predatory grin on her face.

I visited my friend's church the other day and the preacher said something that resonated with me. He said:

"When a farmer plants a seed, at harvest time, he doesn't expect to get the same seed back"
As soon as I heard that, I had a revelation on harvest which I want to share. It's true that when you plant say a seed of corn, you don't expect back that one seed of corn, you don't expect two, or even three. You expect a great deal to come out of that one seed (at least a hundred-fold).
What would happen if we took that farmer's attitude and applied it to our finances; looked at every investment as a "seed", and every return as a "harvest". I believe we have become too mathematical and methodical when dealing with finance and investments, only applying Bible principles on the surface quoting "My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in glory" and "...see if I will not open up the gates of heaven and pour out a blessing...". That's fine as a start, but we really need to begin to look at our finances in terms of farming.

We are IN this world but not of it, this means we are not governed by logical and mathematical rules. Here are a couple of bible passages that got me really excited on the topic of harvest:
Leviticus 26 v 10: You will still be eating last year's harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new.

Deuteronomy 16 v 15: For the LORD your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.

Galatians 6 v 7 says "Whatsoever a man sows, so shall he reap". It's important to understand that this means we shall reap in KIND, NOT in QUANTITY. This simple principle of harvest is based on 3 basic principles:-faith-works (working the faith)-and patienceand is further divided into 7 steps towards receiving your harvest. (outlined below)

1. SOW THE SEED: It sounds obvious, but it needs to be stressed that you cannot as a Christian reap where you did not sow. The Word calls it sin, the world calls it fraud. We need to be willing to invest something, whether it be money, time, an idea or whatever. We need to be willing to step out in faith .

2. TILL THE GROUND: If you are investing/sowing in a business or an idea, then you need to do what you can to make success possible; if you are investing in stocks then research the company to ensure it is a wise investment. Proverbs says in many places that there is no reward or harvest for the lazy man. So we need to work towards our harvest.

3. BE EXPECTANT: When the farmer sows the seed, he expects to get a harvest. He expects that in 3 months time or however long the cycle is, he will be "reaping where he sowed". And like I said before, he is not expecting to reap just a seed or a few seeds of corn; he is expecting a field. This is the part that struck me as most powerful. Applying this principle means that when we invest our finances in anything, we should (a) EXPECT a return, and (b) expect that return to be an EXPONENTIAL of our initial investment or "seed" money. That's powerful stuff if you speak it in faith over your life.

4. BE PATIENT: The preacher who spoke at the first sermon I heard in 2008 said this: "imitate those [people in the bible] who through FAITH AND PATIENCE inherit the promises of God". Patience is an intrinsic part to receiving your harvest. When the farmer sows the seed, it goes through a certain cycle and takes a certain amount of time based on weather and soil conditions before it is finally ready for harvest. The same way, when we invest, whether it's in business or whether it's our tithes and offerings, we need to be patient and wait for God's cycle to be complete. That might mean we aren't ready at the time and He needs to ready our hearts to receive the harvest he has in store for us.

5. READY YOURSELF: Just like the farmer needs to be ready to go out and collect the harvest when it's ready, we also need to be spiritually and physically ready to collect our blessings, harvests and returns so that we don't miss it.

6. HARVEST: This needs to be done at the right time so as to ensure the crop doesn't wither and die. We need to recognize when the harvest is ready. For example, when a stock is at its peak, before it drops off.

7. SOW: Again. Of our harvest, there is a certain measure that needs to be re-invested to yield another harvest. We are all familiar with the verse in Malachi that says "Bring ye all the tithe into the storehouse..." (a tenth off ALL your increase). That should be a model for how we handle ALL our investments, constantly re-investing a share of our profits or increase in Gods house first and subsequently into highly lucrative financial endeavors.

To conclude, I believe that if we were to adopt a farmer mentality and apply that to our finances, constantly trusting and believing God and staying faithful and devoted to Him, then we will truly inherit His numerous promises and experience abundant harvest. Amen.

*Dedicated to Repressed One. All this one na ur fault o!*

I'm having one of those days, few and far between, when Morality creeps in, let in by those traitors Reflection and Self Criticism. In my sleep they bound me, so I can't leave. And emboldened by the presence of his 3 compadres, Conscience starts to speak. Louder than usual.

We've brought you here today because you have a problem. And it's affecting all of us. Morality especially. Just look at him. Where did I go wrong? Awon ore e oni ise ku se yen(Those irresponsible children you call friends) have corrupted you. His voice is sombre and accusing. Preachy. He weaves his sermon expertly, exquisitely. He has had plenty of time to script it.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. He quotes scripture with ease and eloquence. But you have departed my son. I am not his son. He is not my father. I am quickly getting fed up of his self-righteous condescending demeanor. I need to get out of here.

Like the prodigal son, you have gone away from home. Oh dear not the prodigal son analogy again. And you have squandered your inheritance on riotous living. I look at Reflection as if to ask "What inheritance?". His head is bowed like he is deep in thought. I can tell he is just avoiding my gaze. Traitor.

So I look over at Self-Criticism. She has no problem meeting my eyes. Her look is one of stern judgement. There's a knock on the door. She holds my gaze as she walks over to the door and opens it.

In walks Guilt with that self-gratifying smirk on his face. He's taunting me. I hate him.

Listen! Self-Criticism all but yells at me.

...and you have shamed this body. Do you not know that it is a temple? Blah blah blah, it's the same story everytime. I've heard it all before. Still, it's very valid. Shit, he's right. I really need to pull myself together. Conscience is getting bolder now.

What would your family say if they saw the way you lived? What would your mother think?

I'm sorry. I can change. I promis....

CRASH!

The door bursts open. Arrogance saunters in, that unruly gait and half cocked smile I've come to love. He looks Self-Criticism in the eye. Not today bitch, we've come for our boy. Vanity follows close behind him. He's been at the gym all day. He is looking "hench" these days. He picks up Guilt, throws him over his shoulder, and walks out. He throws him off the balcony.

I smiled. I should have known my boys wouldnt desert me. But by this time I was ambivalent. Conscience was right. I wasn't living my life right.

And then Smooth glided in, shoulder to shoulder with her twin, Seduction. One pulled up a chair in front of me (I think it was Seduction [she's the one that loves eye contact]- I could never tell them apart). She took my hand, and they spoke. They always spoke in unison. A little freaky really, but they always knew exactly what to say.

With Smooth's fingers effortlessly undoing the knots that bound me and Vanity and Arrogance keeping my captors at bay (Reflection was lost in thought, again...Morality too battered and bloody to put up a fight), the twins reassured me.

I know you love God, but you are young. You are full of life. You should share that life with those around you. We dont advocate broken hearts, and I'm sure that's not your intention. You are only living your life the way that comes naturally. No es problema, vive tu vida.(There's no problem, live your life)

They spoke in Spanglish sometimes, Seduction sometimes opted for German though. I was convinced. But then they were always persuasive. I wondered if I could ever defy these girls. I got up and shook off the rope.

Arrogance joined us, Vanity in tow. Now that that craziness is over, let's go find some fun. How about calling Sin up? Her body was sex, remember? I giggled, he always made me laugh. I thought he was a little phony, and maybe slightly unintelligent, but he was funny, so I kept him around.

As we walked out of the room, Conscience piped up. Dont go! You know I'm right. But as I turned to look back, the twins snaked their arms around my waist, and whispered in my ear "Vamanos"(Let's go).

You may have got him this time, but he will be ours eventually you know. He will repent! The girls looked back, a playful look on their faces.

We know big brother. Just not today, no ahora.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

We had been friends for over a year...and in the months leading up to this we had become best friends. Or so I thought.

We met on the second day of freshers week. I always missed the first days of these things. I needed to do my registration and my doting mother, the kind but overbearing woman that she is, insisted on coming with me. It was while we stood in line waiting for our number to be called that dear mom struck up a conversation with Ugochi.

I had looked over, she was kinda cute, but I wasnt about to start chatting her up in front of mom, so I allowed it. Mom had other ideas. She chatted her up for me, told her to give me her number and marched off. We still laugh about that day.

We were nothing more than acquaintances in first year, I was attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend (the girlfriend stealing Scribbles wasn't born yet). She read some of my poetry and would tell me how her flatmate/cousin was crushing on me because she loved the way I wrote (she was cute, but she also had a boyfriend). It was cool. I couldn't afford them anyway. They were high maintenance. I was a lowly student and even if I wasn't I'm not the type to impress a woman with money. Scribbles isn't one of awon gbogbo bigz boys you see. The boyfriends were.

In second year, we begun to hang out a little more...well much more. I was her closest friend at Uni and she started to confide in me. She suspected her boyfriend was cheating on her. I was there for her. I would offer her my shoulder to cry on. It never occured to me she might want more than that.

Then one day chatting on msn, flirting shamelessly (and harmlessly I thought) as we always did, she sent me a picture of her magnificent legs. So I sent her a picture of my butt. Then she sent me a picture of her top half, topless, an arm draped lazily over her breasts. Oh. I decided to come to the conclusion(oh crap she's calling me...brb..ok ..where was I? oh right) that she was just fooling around.

I went to visit her the next day, she was in one of her mildly hysterical states, she had found more proof that he was cheating and he was doing it with reckless abandon.

We sat and watched tv in silence for awhile. She flipped through the music channels. Head on my chest, her tears soaking into my shirt. Minutes later, she raised her head, her face levelled with mine, and she kissed me.

She had thick, kissable lips and after I indulged for a few seconds, I was able to pull away. And the excuses started to roll off my tongue.

We shouldn't be doing this. You have a boyfriend, we're friends. You're vulnerable and I dont want to take advatage of you.

You're not taking advantage of me. I want this. I want you. She kissed me again. I kissed her back this time. Hard. She was sexy and from what she had told me, a freak. I took her clothes off, one item at a time, and surveyed her body, expertly, with recklessly placed kisses and strategically placed bites.

As I teased her nipples with my tongue, my lips, my teeth, my fingers slid under the waistband of her skirt. She wasn't wearing any panties. I slid one finger inside her, she moaned. Her skirt quickly came off and my lips joined my fingers. Her moans were deeper and more drawn out now.

I kept my tongue circling her clit, intermittently slippping deep within her, soft strokes. She was moaning louder, gasping, thrashing around, grinding into my face....I kept at it till the last wave had hit her. And then I stopped.

I sat with her for a couple of minutes, she was quiet. Michael Jackson sang "do you remember the time....". She giggled.
You're not allowed to ever sing this song to me.
Haha, I hear ya.

More silence. After a few minutes..

I should go.
What?
It's getting late, I'm going to miss the last train, I should go.
Oh...ok

And I left.

I ran into her the next day at Uni. We talked for awhile like nothing happened. Then..
Can you walk me home?
Erm, I guess

We walked in silence until..
Why did you leave in such a hurry last night?
Err, I was going to miss the train.
You could have spent the night you know.
I didnt think you wanted me to...I thought maybe last night was a mistake
No, I told you I wanted you. I was aching for chrissakes, and you just left me.
I chuckled, I'm sorry about that. Maybe I'll make it up to you today?
You had better.

I held the door open for her. She walked in and took her coat off...