new material on Frankly speaking...

"....we have a girl here for you. Very beautiful yoruba girl, very intelligent, God fearing. You will like her. Her name is Tolu.."

I had stopped listening. This was the day I realised that my mother doesn't know me. If she did, she would know she had just disqualified the girl. The fact that she came "highly" recommended by my parents meant I wanted nothing to do with her. But let me start at the beginning.



I've always had an independent spirit. Always wanted to make my own way in the world. So when, at Ann Arbor State, my dad would constantly say things like:
"You better get good grades. I'm not wasting my money on you"
"Do you know how much it costs to send you to school in America?"
I found it irksome to say the least. So one summer I made a decision, I was going to work and save up enough to pay my own tuition. By the start of fall semester, I didn't have enough saved, so I decided,(of course without informing my parents) to take the semester off.



Inevitably, they found out and freaked. Thought I'd dropped out of college. No son of theirs was going to be a college dropout, so plans were put in motion to move me to a place where they could keep a closer eye on me. Good ol' UK.

Then they start asking me what my plans are on getting here. I'm thinking "I don't know. It was your lousy idea". My mom asks me if I have a girlfriend there that's making me want to stay. I said yes.

I was dating this lovely little Italian girl called Mary. She's still to date the best girlfriend I've ever had.

"Italo? Italian what? Last time it was kokoye(Spanish), now its Italian. You won't go and find yourself a nice Yoruba girl. Anyway, don't worry...we have a girl here for you...."

I thought she was playing. She wasn't. When I arrived here it quickly became obvious that my mother and, even more enthusiastically, my father had decided that this was the girl they wanted me to be with. They had hatched this scheme together with my auntie, who was co-pastor with her husband at the church that we (and Tolu) attended.

My auntie had also took it upon herself to announce at church, repeatedly I was told, that her "first son", a "handsome man of God" was arriving soon. And then when the female population of the church started showing me undue attention, she thot it was a spirit she needed to bind. I'll come to the ladies in a minute.

So I met Tolu, and she was actually a really great girl. I could kick it with her easily and might even have considered dating her if my parents hadn't ruined her chances. A shame really. My dad still asks from time to time if I stay in touch with her. He's cute like that.

On to the ladies. Now, (un)fortunately, it turned out that my uncle pastored a church comprised mostly of students. This meant that about 50% of the congregation was eyeing me most sundays. The flirt in me flourished under all the attention.

You see, I love hugging a woman, sneaking my hand into the small of her back and pulling her close. Smelling her perfume. Its a beautiful thing that became my sunday morning ritual (Except I had to stop wearing light colored shirts cause make up aint always easy to wash out. ) And I've been told I give the best hugs. So I guess I might have given these women more reason to swoon. Not my intention. I was just being me.

This said though, I would never have dated any of them. The scandal of pastor finding out that his nephew was in bed with the choir mistress. Mehn, I still fear God small o! Before I become the topic of sunday sermon.

Funnily enough, Tolu was about the only girl who didn't get caught up in the craze. We would laugh together at all the ridiculous attention I was receiving.

Her: What the hell do these girls see in you? I mean, you're not bad on the eyes and all but there are finer boys out there

Me: I dunno o! But free dem. I'm not complaining

I did sit back and think about it once. "Sheep" was the word that came to mind. These women weren't attracted to me. They were attracted to the possibility of having something that everyone else wanted. For them, it was the thrill of the chase. And for me, it was a tremendous ego boost.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

So...

So u want me to touch you
Take your hand, caress you
So you want me to hold you close,
Give you a dose
A taste of that thing you need

So you want me to kiss you
Lay you down and undress you
Make it clear its just me and you
And the things we do
Your desire's the fire I'll feed

So you want me to tease you
Things I'll do just to please you
From your lips to between your legs
Till you start to beg
Me to take you to your wildest dreams

So you want to enjoy it
There's many tricks in my employment
Don't even have to say my name
I'm just glad you came
I'll keep going till I hear you scream

So you want to be loved
So you want me to sweep you off your feet
So you want me to fuss and pine
And wine and dine
And treat you like you are my queen

I'll do all that romance stuff
Take you out, even dance, just
Keep in mind at the end of the night
When the mood is right
Me and you, we're gonna make a scene

So you want to be loved...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

And it's starting to really frustrate me. Here's what it is:

I'm starting to care what you guys think! It's ridiculous! I dont know ANY of you personally, but I've shared so much of myself with you that it feels like...like you're family.

I've always believed a writer does his best work when he doesnt care what his readers will think. I find myself censoring my posts...there's about 5 "posts" on my phone right now...waiting to get air. Oooh a phrase just popped into my head

FUCK IT!

and that's exactly what I'm gunna do. I love you. But u will not restrict my flow! hehe

and now that's off my chest, we can get back to regular scheduled programming..expect a real post later today :)

p.s. I now have a Shoutbox...on the left :) SHOUT!

p.p.s. A conversation I had with a girl yesterday:

So, do you have a boyfriend?

Well, yea..he lives in Gloucester though

Oh, so kinda long distance then...I dont subscribe to them, but to each is own...do you see each other often?

Well, not really.

When was the last time you saw him?

Erm, I'm not sure...lemme think

Wow, ok.

Erm, May...

LAST YEAR?!?!

*sheepishly* yea

Oh, so what you're saying is you're single and just havent realised it yet.

Err, well, now that u mention it...

EDIT: Err this one's for Sexkitten, Smaragd apparently cant leave comments on your blog. Just doing my bit!

All rolled into one
Bitten by a radioactive spider as a baby
It had snuck onto my spaceship as it hurtled towards earth to escape my destroyed home planet
I grew up on a farm where I discovered my super speed and strength
On my 10th birthday I was thrown in a tank and laced with an adamantium skeleton
It made me angry, you shouldn't make me angry
You won't like me when I'm angry
I grew up to become a brilliant physicist
But in a freak accident was torn apart by electricity
I reassembled myself and it seems now I can do anything

In my mind

I was born in the slums, grew up in the suburbs and now I round out my years in the bahamas
I am a captain of industry
I am a rockstar
I am an entrepreneur
I am a father, a son and a soldier
I am a dancer
I walked on the moon once
Upside down
Went to a party on Mars once
The atmosphere was terrible
Jumped off a bridge, a couple of times
Oh the rush...
Walked on water, I'm getting pretty good at it too
Punched through a solid concrete wall, to keep my pimp hand strong

Sliced a mans arm off, for killing my wife
And shot him in the balls, for raping my daughter
I went to prison. They were afraid of me there
Went to school. They were petrified of me

In my mind

I am totally random, and totally wonderful

Just like you
Just like you

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i'm supposed to take those pills. dubya-tee-eff!! i put the pen there for scaling purposes. I'm supposed to put three of those down my throat... three times a day...who the hell do I look like? Pam Anderson? Jenna Jameson? Tera flippin Patrick?

I hate pills but I was just about getting used to the idea of taking them (ginseng and other multivitamins o!)...but this? The person who developed pills so big deserves to have them shoved up his peehole one by one and then to be made to pee them back out...repeatedly.

*sigh* but I have to take em...if I dont blog tomorrow blogfam, it's cause I choked on one of these abominations.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

There's two things that make absolutely certain that I, in my current mindset, won't hit on a woman I'm attracted to. They are as follows:

I. She's wearing a ring. I steal girlfriends, not fiancees and wives. Although the fiancee isn't really that much of an issue, but its hard to tell if she's its a wedding band or just an engagement ring with just a passing glance. So I just leave them alone if there's a ring on that finger.

One time though, I did break the rule. The ass was just too fat for one man to chop alone. Turned out she wasn't married or even engaged. The ring was fake! She had a boyfie and wore the ring simply as. deterrent to potential suitors. Now that's just deceitful. She gave me her number though ;)

Still, even though that endeavour proved fruitful, as a general rule, I stay away from ringed up women. Chances are they don't want to be approached.

II. She's reading a bible. I know it might sound wrong, but something tells me that a woman who is reading the bible on the train or other public place won't be too open to my sexual advances, and even if she was, it would come with a relationship or even marriage precondition. I don't play that. Not right now.

Maybe one day I will, but right now I don't want, or even deserve a Proverbs 31 woman. They're no good for temporary fun.

Certain other things make it improbable but not totally impossible (based on how hot she is) that I will hit on her.

• -shes pushing a baby stroller/carrying a baby


• -shes walking with a man


• -shes with her parents


• -we're at church


• -she has her headphones in and is listening to music


• -shes talking on the phone


• -I'm talking on the phone


• -she once dated a friend of mine


• -shes currently dating an acquaintance

This has been the first installment of Scribble Rules. Stay tuned for more.

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and that goes whether you're male or female

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

So I was cooking the family dinner. One of my birthday pressies to my mom...and I noticed she has all these new pot and pan sets since I moved out. I plan on moving out of shared accomodation soon and getting my own place (maybe buying) and I'm gunna need stuff. So I went up to ask her where she got em. WHO SENT ME??


So mom, where did you get all those new sets. I think I'm going to go there when I'm ready to move out on my own.

I got them at Hooty's. We are still going to sit down and talk about all these plans that you're hinting at o.

What plans again? I'm just telling you what I'm thinking of doing. I'm not really cut out for shared accomodation and I'd rather live by myself.

Yes it would be more condusive for when you get married.

*Shuo*

You know that's not even on the cards right now.

Hmm..sit down. *Uh oh*

Erm...the stew is on the fire, lemme go and check it.

Sit down. She looks at my brother. Go and keep an eye on the stew for me.

Lil bro goes What's are you talking about

Gbegborun(busybody), go and do what they sent u!

This Tee sef, so who is she?

She's just a friend, really, nothing is going on there.

So it's LOML then. (Further back story on LOML; we're family friends. Have known each other since we were about 6. My parents and hers share a mutual respect. So obviously my mom's rooting for her. I dont think they realise she's not actually Yoruba.)

She called me to wish me happy birthday. You told her eh?

No, I think she knew.

She said she had help.

Oh, I may have mentioned it. But I thought she knew.

So anyway, is it her?

Well, not really, we just talk from time to time.

Hmm, I think the only problem is the fact that she's not here

Maybe.

Hmm, we're praying for you sha. Praying that you find that bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh.

Ok, but I hope your prayers dont have a time limit.(I love that I can be frank with my mom)

No o! Everything in God's time.

Ok then.

But you need to start getting ready.

I'm not even ready to start getting ready mom.

Hmm ok o. We'll see.

Then my lil sis thankfully interrupted us. I escaped. But apparently we're not done with that discussion.

A quick aside...I bought a book the other day ( I couldnt help myself) called "How to get a shag in 59 languages". I can now happily travel the world. NOTHING, No woman is going to stand in the way of that

So far so good.... no mention of Tee... Only a few more hours to go.

I'm liking my chances.

For all of you that wished me evil in your prayers...IN YO FAYCE!!!

This is how it went.



Good evening mom, how are you?

Good evening. I'm fine. Who is Tee?

*this woman doesnt waste time*Erm, she's a friend.

What does she do?

She's in law school.

Ok. Lawyer, that's good.  So where did you meet her.

Through a mutual friend

Is she your girlfriend?

Haha. No she's just a....



The line went dead. I dialled back.

Hello.

Hi I lost connection. Like I was saying, she's just a friend. I realise it might have looked like something different but the situation...hello? Hello?

Line was dead again. Dialled her again

Yes so where were we? Oh yes, I asked if she's your girlfriend

And the line went dead yet again. I take it as a sign. The powers that be don't want me and mama discussing Tee.

So I dialled again.

Mommy, God obviously doesn't want us to talk about Tee, how is work?

Hmm, ok then we'll talk about it when you get here.

I'm on my way there now. On the train. Its mumzies bday 2moro and I'm going to celebrate with her. I sent her some flowers...maybe they'll distract her a bit. Wish me luck!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

passion consumes u, restraint is not an issue
your inhibitions no longer exist, it starts with a kiss
drawn in by my eyes and trapped by my lips
you moan; soft, barely perceptible
your heart skips a beat, you pause to catch ur breath and catch my eye
you smile and the stars in your eyes pull me in to kiss the half moon of your lips
i pull you even closer, kiss your neck
you shudder as my fingers run down your back
my lips brush your collarbone
a louder moan escapes your lips
you cant resist what you're feeling
you just let the emotion take control
caught up in the moment, entranced by my touch
taking you on a journey you'll nevr forget
you're gettin wet, nipples erect
as i breathe; soft, warm onto your skin
touch my lips lightly to your belly, pull you in
inch by inch workin my way south til i reach your .....O
you've lost all control
momentum building, the sensation climbing
you cant contain it anymore, teeth grinding
you explode, the climax unlike anything you've ever felt
collapsing, exhausted, yet the orgasm doesnt seem to end...

...waking up from your sleep with shivers of pleasure
tremors over your entire body from the night before
immobilised because every move you make brings sweet painful ecstacy
your dreams are only of you laying next to me
your eyes glazed...you've lost all touch with reality as they rack your body continuously

• To the girl on the Jubilee Line on last night around 630ish wearing the Miss Sixty Jeans..NICE JEANS! :P
• Two people I meant to tag yesterday but couldn't; Sexkitten, I cant reach your page at work, and simplidivine...something to get you started....now get to it!
  

First off, I would like to offer Chari and Burracup my sincerest apologies. I know say na condition cause crayfish to bend. But that kind condition sef...e get as e be o. Lol

This post was actually inspired by a comment Chari left on my Shower head post. I understand where he is coming from.

However, I have noticed that quite a few of you here on blogville are biting the celibacy bullet. It is to you I have come to play devil's advocate.

Let me tell you a story; its about the time I decided to be celibate (you see...not addicted). Not the 12-18 one, since some of you are discounting it. This is a recent occurrence of that disgusting disease called "holdyaselfitis".

After the threesome, I had something of a "malfunction". After my award winning performance, of which I am still proud to this day, uncle willie no wan work again o. As in, what kind of calamitous situation was that.

I realized homeboy was not stimulated by just one woman anymore. He wanted more. Haba! Its not everyday 3somes come around now. And I couldn't have him malfunctioning. Totally unacceptable. So I decided to starve him. Maybe when he's hungry he will appreciate whatever comes his way.

I began what was supposed to be a 9-12 month 'sex fast'. I lasted 7 months. You people clap for me o! See the temptation I resisted. The summer months were the hardest. So I buried myself in my job. I was working 70-80 hour weeks. But even at work, temptation followed me.

There was this chick I call Randy(that's what I called her to her face), weedhead chick; she was always high. She would come in in the morning fresh off a spliff, morning break, spliff, lunchtime, splifftime, afternoon break, another spliff. And when it was time to go home, she spent 10 minutes rolling up the perfect reward for a hard days work. She was always trying to get me (her 'american boy') to come share a blunt with her. But I don't smoke at work. And I knew where it would lead. She had been making eyes at me, asking for massages, fine fine Jamo girl with thick round Jamo booty and flat stomach. My thing was already standing.

Or Anabel, the half togolaise half german chick I sublet my apartment to. Hispanic features. Always opening up when I went to visit in low cut tank tops. Her fresh half caste dubbledees smiling and winking at me.

Or Tobi, with her tongue ring and ass that made you want to hallelujah. That yansh had a life of its own. I gave in small there sha, I gave her head. But I didn't penetrate.

So I ask you, my dear blogville family. Was it worth it? All that poon just gone with the wind.No! I mean junior is trained now, but the months and months of blue balls, five fingered shuffles...not worth it for me.

Is it worth it for you? Sitting there aching. Having wet dreams that leave you frustrated and depressed?

Ladies, don't you wish you had a strong, tan man kissing your belly right now, fondling your breasteses, stroking your....

Manhandling you. Bending you over, entering you roughly from behind. Filling you. Causing your entire body to spasm. Don't you?

Fellas, I don't even need to talk to you. I trust you won't let available nookie pass you by. If you do, sha send them my way. I will resolve the issue, nice guy that I am.

So, if you have someone you can call to fix your plumbing or if you know someone that needs their plumbing fixed, lend a helping hand. Give them a call. Don't be selfishly celibate, share and share alike,

Anyone need a plumber?

This has been a public service announcement.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Her breasts pulled taut against the fabric of her hijab. He could see from the outline that she wasn't wearing a bra. He was pretty sure she wasn't wearing any panties either. Today was the day

*******************************
She had resisted at first. He was cute, but he wasn't her religion. And even if he was, she couldn't risk sleeping with him. They had almost found out the last time she had fooled around. And the penalty for adultery under Sharia law was death by stoning. He was cute, but he wasn't that cute!

But he had persisted. And she had started to feel herself give in. She couldn't explain the way she felt about him. It wasn't love. There was definitely lust, but it was more than that. These days she was unmistakably more aware of her pussy lips rubbing together when she walked with him. And she had to change her underwear everytime he leaned in to whisper in her ear. He wouldnt stop whispering in her ear. So she stopped wearing underwear. And if he made a move again, she would devour him like a starved panther. Damn the consequences.

*******************************
They met under the old oak tree. He had been staring at her in class all day. She had kept his gaze and felt herself getting consistently wetter. She had to excuse herself when she realised she was subconciously grinding the chair. He had come out minutes later.

He smelled so good! And he was built like Adonis.

No one was around, but to be fair, at this stage, she didn't care. She wanted him inside her now! If it meant death then so be it.

He helped her up the tree. His hands on her hips and then on her ass made her shudder. Then he joined her.

The kiss was urgent, but gentle. She pulled down his trousers, he rolled up her hijab. Expertly. Like he had done this before.

She mounted him. It was like an explosion within her. She had this one opportunity with him and she was going to make the most of it. She rode him like a cowboy.

****************************************************************

They lay in the moonlight. They hadn't returned to class. They had been there all day. Enjoying each other repeatedly. Now they lay on the grass, spent. She gazed into his eyes.

"I have to go. Its my turn with Alhaji tonight."

hehe..this came to me on my lunch break...typed it out on the Blackberry

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I generally dont like doing these things...but as Tigeress knows where I work and Confessions has promised to nurse me, I feel like I have no choice *sigh*





So, in keeping with my general theme, i'm going to try and think of 10 honest things about my bachelorhood. Enjoy.

1. I was very shy for all of my teenage years. Definitely not the Scribbles you know now. In high school, I had a crush on a girl for 3 years and can honestly count on one (or maybe both) hand(s) how many words I said to her in that time.


2. My first real kiss didn't happen till I was 19 yrs old. I remember watching Never Been Kissed at 18 and thinking "That's me!".


3. A common misconception about me is that I'm addicted to sex. I'm not. I just really, really like it. I could give it up anytime if I want to.


4. I was celibate (not a virgin) for 6 years(ages 12-18), proving my previous point.


5. Most of the "relationships" I've been in have been sexless, I've dated a virgin, a girl who took a vow of celibacy right before we got together, etc. I've mostly had sex buddies


6. I dont believe in igniting "old flames". It ended for a reason. That whole "if you love something let it go..."...sorry luv, but I aint coming back. Except for sex. But only sex. And only if the sex was good.


7. Everybody I know is 100% convinced that I will one day get married. I'm not. And I'm ok with it.


8. However, just in case I do, I work everyday to become a better man. The kind of man my future wife deserves. I know what my shortcomings are and everyday is an opportunity to improve every area of my life.


9. I REFUSE to settle. The woman I marry will be spiritually, sexually, intellectually, physically and emotionally astute. Not perfect, but perfect for me. If I dont find her, I dont marry. Capisce!


10. Statistically, based on my dating history, there is less than a 40% chance that I will end up with a Nigerian woman. Like I said, I love ALL women, but as I want my children to speak 3 or more languages, there is a likelihood I will end up with a non-Nigerian woman
11. I have no problem with not having children of my own. I'm open to adoption. My family/parents might have a problem with it. But that's their problem. I dont understand men who allow a wife to be driven out because she hasn't borne him any children.

So now I'm supposed to tag 7 people, so,

Lady Koko,this might take your mind off things a bit. TDVA, you better come and post something..you can start here, Fine Boy Agbero, this is a list I want to see; Smaragd..because you are my padi, BSNC, Bibi and last but by no means leastblogoratti....phew! it was a battle trying to find people who havent already done this. Now get to work!

So, this whole relationship business. Long. More on that later.

Confessions pointed out that I haven't talked about LOML in a while. True. And I did say she was the one constant. Also true. The thing is me and Loml haven't really been talking as much as I would hope. I still think about her, but its like we're drifting apart.

That would be my fault. I'm horrible at maintaining long distance communication. But she tries. She puts up with me. Sunday morning I got a text from her:

How are u luv? I think u shd call me sometime today... U agree? Great!

I lol'd when I read that. So I called her and we talked for a couple of hours while she read this blog. Yes, I have no secrets from Loml. I really do love her. I don't think I've told her that in awhile though. If she's reading this though, she'll get it. Maybe that's the reason I can't seem to settle down with any of these other girls. They still dont hold a candle to her.

Which brings me back to my initial statement. Relationships are long.

Since I graduated uni and got a job, almost every conversation I've had with my mom has been punctuauted with "so, who is your girlfriend". And now, after Sunday, you can bet your bottom dollar its gunna get worse.

I talked to my grandma on saturday. She asked the same question. Her argument: now you've graduated, you have a good job, the next thing is a wife. All of this coupled with Afro trying to marry me off.

Oh hell no! Wifing is roughly 10 yrs in the making, 5 yrs to be an uncommitted bachelor (sowing wild oats as simplidivine put it), and then my 5 year plan* kicks into gear after I meet "the one". Oh. I haven't told y'all about my 5 year plan have I? Well here it is :

Year 1: we meet, we talk we enjoy each others company, no sex, sex too early in a relationship complicates things
Year 2: sex, lots and lots of sex
Year 3: we move in together. See how it is to live under the same roof
Year 4: I propose, she now has 1-2 yrs to plan her dream wedding. We also use that time to make sure we want to be married to each other
Year 5: I turn up at the wedding. And by turn up, I mean just that. I will not interfere with my wifes planning of her dream wedding. Wouldn't want to spoil it. Its her day. I'll be at the tux fitting and the rehearsal dinner. But that's it

But that was a digression. Was ranting about relationships. Long ting.

All that having to be there for someone perpetually. Can't do it. My phone turns off at 1am and comes back on at 5am on weekdays. Not changing that. I need my sleep.

Having to consider someone elses wants and feelings before doing the things you want to and would normally do without a thought. Long. I'm an individual..and I enjoy my individuality...i don't appreciate having to come to a consensus on an individual decision.

Needing to know where I am, what I'm doing...at all times. No.

Wanting to know what's wrong when I go quiet. If I'm in a mood, leave me be, I'll snap out of it. Someone constantly asking me "are you ok?" would just prolong it.

And cuddling, I don't mind cuddling to be fair, its nice to have another warm body snuggling up to you. But to be honest, I also like having my double bed to myself. I always sleep better that way.

That's all for now

*I fully realise the 5 year plan is utter bullshit. But it's nice to have a plan anyway.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Turn on the water as I step in behind you
Kiss your neck, that soft spot where flesh meets left clavicle
Hands on your hips, fingers tracing your dips
Stroke your inner thigh
As my lips rain kisses down your back
The shower head soaking us both
Heightening the passion
Lips find your spine
Insert a chill with every kiss
Lower, and lower, till lips find that soft round hump
Soft kisses, my fingers find you, rub gently against your wetness
Slips inside you and I feel the moan start from deep between your thighs
Rise up your chest and escape your lips
It excites me
I turn you around, trading fingers for lips
Tongue stroking, flicking, invading you as you tremble against my lips
Grab my head, nearly tear my hair out as your body convulses uncontrollably
You collapse in my arms, and we both lay on the bathroom floor
The water washing over us

I let you relax a bit...you will need your strength for round two...

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Disclaimer: This is a bit of a rant so it might run a little long

So everything was cool saturday. Worked most of the day, but the sun was still out when I left, so it wasnt too bad. Went home, where I proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. Then one of my uncles called. He was around and he wanted to take me to dinner. I don't know about y'all, but awoof no dey run my own bele. So we went to this chinese restaurant on a boat; me, him, and his wife. His wife is hot! I swear that man is my role model. She's also Zim, and as you all know, I love Zim women.

Afterwards, I was supposed to meet up with this girl I'm seeing, Tee. So I headed to Canary Wharf to meet her. I was early, she was still about 30 minutes away, so I went inside to wait. That's when I saw her.

A vision of auburn hair, pink lipgloss and tan skin. But the first thing I noticed about her was her eyes. I gave her a cursory glance. White stilettos, blue trench, grey skirt that stopped a few inches above her knee, giving me a glimpse...she was stunning. I smiled at her, she smiled back. I quickly sent a text telling my friend to let me know when she arrived. Then I walked up to her.


Hi, I'm Scribbles.
Hi, M.
Very nice to meet you M. Are you waiting for someone?
Yes, I've been waiting for nearly 45 minutes now.
What? A girl as pretty as you should never have to wait for anyone.
She chuckled, No one should have to wait this long.

Her sexy sultry accent wasn't British.

Where is your accent from?
It's Swiss-German.
Really? it doesn't really sound Swiss-German and you're too pretty to be simply Swiss.
Haha, I'm half Cuban on my mother's side

JACKPOT!!I know I've said I love Ghanian and Zim women, but I absolutely adore Hispanic women.

Oh that's lovely, I would've guessed Portuguese, but I love Latina women. Do you speak any spanish?
Of Course.
Nice. ¿Cómo esta?
Estoy un poco enojada, gracias, ¿Habla español?
Un poco

And then she went off on some spanish tangent that I don't pretend to understand..but i do understand sexy..and it was sexy.

You have really pretty eyes
Gracias. Blah blah blah and then she started asking me questions
You seem like a really great guy. But in my experience everyone has skeletons. What's yours? What you see is what you get luv.
You married?
No
Divorced?
Haha, no.
Kids?
Nope. Like I said, what you see is what you get. How about you? Any skeletons?
No, what you see is what you get, she said with a smile. Then we exchanged details

During the course of our conversation she got a text telling her to come to North Greenwich. She wasn't from around these ends, she'd only been in london 3 days and had no idea how to get there. We walked to the tube. Jubilee Line wasnt running. At this point I started cursing myself. If I didnt already have someone coming to spend the night with me, I would've invited this piece of heaven home. But instead, I had to find her an alternative route.

Eventually I decided it would be best to get the DLR to Cutty Sark and then a bus to North Greenwich. And I was going to go with her to show her how to get there. Totally out of my way, my good deed for the day. Thought I'd be securing a few Karma points. Luckily, Tee was on the next train coming in, so we just hopped on, and I introduced my sexy new friend M. Hilarity ensued...at least for me.

It was extremely amusing watching the guarded looks they gave each other. Putting my arm around M's shoulders, Tee unsure how to react. Seeing the jealousy in her eyes. A very amusing train ride indeed.

Later, at Mc'donalds (Tee was hungry and they were the only place still open at midnight), I'm talking to M while Tee is ordering. Tee keeps throwing us looks. As soon as she's done ordering, she comes and wraps her arms around me. Sexkitten did say women were territorial beings. This entire scene as it unfolded was comedy to me.

Sunday is when shit started getting complicated.

I went to church with Tee, which is pretty standard procedure with me; if you spend Saturday night with me, you will more than likely be in my church on Sunday. Even though my cousins and their parents go to the same church, it's always fine. I just introduce my "friend" and that's the end of that. But not this Sunday, this Sunday was different.

My uncle was taking his wife and kids out for Mother's Day and combining that with celebrating my sister's birthday from last week. I was invited. And I could bring my plus one. I didn't like the prospects so I did what I could to divert.

So are you going to see your mom now?
Yeah, where are you guys going?
Just out for lunch, celebrate mother's day. Nothing special. Can't really be bothered really
Oh, yea I'll come, I'm kinda hungry anyway. Mom can wait
*Damn*

At the restaurant. My uncle goes
Scribbles, who is your friend? You didnt introduce us.
*Yeah I was hoping I wouldnt have to* This is my friend Tee
Hmm...ok
*Frackity frack*

My aunty is on the phone, she passes it to me...its my mom. I talk with her and pass the phone back. She says she just wants to "sign off" with my aunty. Didnt want to interrupt lunch. Then my aunty passes the phone to her husband. A few minutes later i hear the words
"..go around the table and say Happy Mother's Day to all the women"
*Say what?* The first "woman" in the sequence was Tee. This was not happening. My mother was not about to have a conversation with a girl I'd only been seeing for a week!!!

I watched in disbelief as my uncle passed the phone past me to Tee. Watched in horror as she began to talk. "Happy mother's day ma".

Now my aunty has kindly informed me that I have "query" to answer with my mom.

*FRACKITY FRACK FRACK FRACKITY!!!*

And after my good deed less than 24 hours ago. Karma is a rabid bitch.

I'm at work on a saturday morning because there's a software release and the lowly grad has to cover it. I LOVE my job. Anyway, back to where I left off

continued from here

I rubbed my chest where she'd poked me with her acrylics as the phone rang. She was definitely more upset this time. Unsurprisingly,


Hi, you've reached Kimberly's phone. I'm not available to pick up right now, but leave a message and I'll be sure to get back to you. Thanks! in her singsong tone


Please leave a message after....I hung up, I hate answering machines. I quickly rapped out a text


You left your scarf, let me know how you want to get it. She always left something.

A few hours later, I got a reply I'll come pick it up tonight, along with the rest of my stuff. And then I'll leave you to live your life.
Fine, be there at 8.
FINE! She always had to have the last word.


She turned up that night looking a vision. She was two hours late (a good sign). She had obviously spent the afternoon getting her hair done(another good sign), and as she walked in, eau de Cartier once again invaded my nostrils(i chuckled inwardly). The funnel neck trench coat she wore hugged her svelte figure a little too well. I wanted to grab her and ravage her right there in the doorway, but I held back; It all came down to this, and timing was everything.


You changed your hair?
No, it's shapeshifting, what do you think?
Yup, timing was everything. Listen, I dont want to fight again, get your stuff and leave.
That's what I'm trying to do, if you would just shut up.


I thought "What, bitch?" I said nothing. I sat in my chair and looked for updates on my facebook page while she huffed and puffed around my room, gathering her stuff. I could feel her eyes burning holes in my back. Fifteen minutes later, she was done.


Have a nice life, she said as I held the door open for her. I grabbed her wrist.
Dont go. I'm sorry.
Let go of my arm, Scribbles.
Not until we talk .

She went mad. She tried to extricate her wrist from my grasp, it wasn't happening. So she began pummelling me with the other fist. I grabbed that one too. Then she headbutted me in the chest repeatedly.

I pushed her into the wall, both wrists clamped behind her back with one hand, the other hand cradling her face. There were tears running down her cheeks.

I'm sorry. Please stay...let's work this out.
You're an asshole.
I know.
You're an inconsiderate, self- absorbed, egotistical asshole.
I know. I'm sorry...
Punish me

I undid the buttons on her trench coat and let it fall to the ground. There was nothing underneath but skin.
Like I said, she was an actress, a darned good one.

**************************************************************************

I should point out, I'm at work today...with nothing to do. I'm here just in case they need me. But they probably won't..so i'm bored. I'm stalking each and everyone of your blogs today. Please update. Or I'll go crazy...you guys dont want me to go crazy do you? DO YOU?

"...you're just an arrogant, selfish ass. i never want to see you again. lose my number"

She put her bug eyes on and walked away, the sway in her hips accentuated. Making sure I knew what I was losing. I caught a whiff of her perfume as she pushed past me, eau de Cartier, she knew that shit drove me crazy.

I shook my head and smiled. She was an actress...a darned good one. And she'd had plenty of practice...this was a recurring theme.

She was used to men responding to her every whim, throwing themselves at her feet, doing back flips, jumping jacks and pirouettes to her every caprice. I was an anomaly. I didn't beg and weep when she suggested that we "see other people".

I understand, I said. Maybe we just need a little time away from each other.

That's when she turned on the tears, her face red with rage, her lips spitting fiery abuse at me. I took it, head cocked, puppy dog style. I would not rise to her bait. She went on, and on, and then she mentioned my mother.

I shot her a look. She was aware she had crossed a line. She stuttered, mid-tirade," I..I'm sorry...I didn't mean that..."


I know she didnt, she loved my mother...the feeling wasn't mutual. Se iru omo ti o ma gbe wa ile ni yi? Is that the kind of girl you're going to bring home to us? my mother's first words after their first meeting....

Still, she wasn't going to get away with it. I sighed, I'm leaving. See whoever you want.

"No. Stay. I'm leaving, you're just an arrogant, selfish ass..."

It was always like this, we broke up monthly, sometimes weekly. It had been heart-wrenching the first few times, but gradually, it became a delicious routine we both denied that we delighted in.

As I stared at her diminishing silhouette, I felt a familiar stir in my pelvis...this woman knew exactly how to ignite my passions. I wasn't one for the kind of stress this relationship was pervaded with, and with any other woman I would have broken it off permanently months ago.

Some would ask why I stayed with her. It wasn't love. But the make up sex was mind-blowing. She knew every inch of my body. And I knew every curve and dip of hers. That's why I knew she'd be back. Everytime. She just wanted me to ask.

I pulled out my blackberry as she disappeared behind a building. I held the K button. It speed dialed her number.

tbc...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/12/30/maderid_street_view/ is where you will find the story relating to that photo...That is just nasty. You need to hold that shit in. This caught my eye and i'm blogging about it because it brought up a repressed memory.

Monday, August 28, 2006. London Carnival.

I've been walking around for 2 hours with my lady friend trying to find the Nigerian float. No such luck. I've called my boys. Got their voicemail. They must still be underground. I call again. Voicemail.

Ah well, I've been parambulating for too long. I'm going home.

Walking down one of the side streets off Notting Hill Gate, lady in tow. Guy doubled over between two cars. His friend looking on. My preoccupied mind thinks nothing of it. There's a lot of drunk people around, they're probably just messing about.

As I walk past them, big splash. Lady screams. The smell hits me like a brick wall. Tears fill my eyes. I grab her by the hand and we run. I haven't been back to carnival since.

Shit I can smell it now as I type this. What the fuck is wrong with people??

I want to make a video of the two of us, she blurted out randomly
Err
I want to have something of you to take with me. To remember you when I leave.
Erm, I'm not quite sure that's such a good idea

What? You dont trust me?
Trust has nothing to do with it. These things find a way of getting out. I mean, I have no problem recording it. But we'll have to delete it as soon as we're done watching.
But I need to have something of you. To keep me warm on the cold nights.
Take a blanket, I laughed. I'm sure there's something else I can give you.
Ooh, she squeaked, can I have a dildo mold of you?
Err, I guess.
Cause they do that you know?
Yea, I know, does Madamme Tussauds do it?
I don't know, I'll find out. Yay!



That's a conversation I had last night on msn. What? A video to take with her ke? Is she mad? Doesn't she know I'm going to be someone important?



And then I'll have some chick holding me to ransom over a "sex tape"? Do I look like Ray-J? Or R.Kelly?...i mean, I'm a freak...but the audience I'm willing to perform for consists of 1 person...or maybe 2...imagine if my pastor saw it!!

Actually, thinking about it in retrospect, I might have reacted a little prematurely. Might be kinda exciting to have a tape out there, somewhere, and then run into it one day. I'd have to be holding the camera tho. My face wil not be in it. If anyone can recognise me by my other "features" then so be it.

She can have her face in it if she wants. She can even have the one copy.

Anyway, I still have some time to think about it. We'll see...

I'm here, I'm down, time to seize the day
Come, come quick, come join me
Here, right here, right down below
Same building, same roof, me you and she
There you are, you my heat
My need, captured in a tight black skirt
Turn around, let me see those hips
Oh heart attack, take me right now
But come first, come to me, let me hold you
Close the bathroom door, lest my heartbeat escape it
I want you; I need you, right here and right now
The white shirt, silken, easy buttons pop
Careful, you'll have to face her after
To you desk, co-workers, clients, boss
Flushed, chipper, and my entire fault
Lingerie, such soft things, you knew I'd come
Your dare taken, your bluff called
I will fuck you, I like that you are shocked

Your black long hair, a weave, I care not
Splayed like that against your bright lemony skin
Your eyes shiny, losing focus
As I find my destination inside you
Pounding, taking, giving, fucking
Your nipples hardened, pink little rosebuds
Leap up at me
Ah, joy! Ah, torture! Pure sweetness
The sounds escape your lips
Don't let them go
Here, I'll catch em, I'll keep em with us
That skirt won't come off, it doesn't have to
I'm where I need to be, you are getting there
Footsteps go by, possibly hers
You too lost to hear, me not caring
We are not safe
The pressure of my blood runs sparks, I feel the heat in my head
You are the reason I'm alive, it does not matter if I die
I am with you, I tasted you, I pleasured you
That is it. That is all.

by Anon

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Quick Edit:Calling out all those "bloggers" who are at the bottom of my blogroll. If you haven't updated in over a week, this is for you. Name and shame!

• TDVA - 3weeks ago...and before that it was months!
• Badderchic - 2weeks ago...you are excused since u told us why
• Lady Koko - 1week ago...why you keep daddy waiting?
• MDM - 1week...you cant keep us waiting like this
• Beloved - 1week...get on it! i know u have material!

I had another topic for today's post but people want to see how me and Karma worked out.

She walked away from me, leaving me puzzled and distraught. Why had she been sending me so many signals if she was just going to drop me like a bad habit. Karma really had a twisted sense of humour.

The next week, she called me.

I'm having dinner at mine with a bunch of friends. It would be great if you could make it.
Of course. Count me in. A hopeful smile spread across my lips

So I turned up at her place. I was early so there wasn't many people there yet. But there was one person.

Smf, I'd like you to meet Tony. My boyfriend.

Oh, hi. I shook his hand awkwardly. I couldn't believe what she'd done. I told her I didn't want to meet him. Its so much harder to steal someone's girlfriend if you know him. And even harder when he's a stand up guy and you actually like him. And he was. And I did. She had warned me that I would. Nice to meet you.

A few other people turned up. And over the course of the night, my anger and frustration melted away as I got to know Tony. I could see why she couldn't leave him. He was a man deserving of her. And now I couldn't bring myself in good conscience to continue to try to steal his girl.

So, I didn't get the girl, not this time. I'm content to stay friends with her. For now



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Introduction: I wrote this a few months ago. We had done the song and dance, we were attracted to each other. We did lunch, we did dinner. We did concerts, we did shows. We did a lot of stuff together. I started to develop real feelings for her. So one day...


Im looking at her ,

Shes looking at me

I can see the fiery passion of desire in her eyes

She wants me just as much as i want her

I lean in...

shes like "No"

Im like "but..."

She's like "No"

Im like "what's wrong?"

Shes like "i got a man "

I'm like "so?"

shes like "no we cant"

Im like "YES WE CAN"

"hes a good man"...

"I'm a good man...and i can make you happy"

"im happy with him"

"you'll be happier with me"

Thats when she started getting tears in her eyes

reciting that famed Erykah Badu lyric:

"now what am i supposed to do now i want you in my

world...how can i

want you for myself when im already some1s girl...i guess

ill see u next

lifetime"...

"But i wanna see u now!!"

And then she turned away, tears rolling down her cheek

But still her walk is making me weak

And im thinking "what the hell is going on?"

And then it hits me... Karma!

that BITCH!!

Shes getting me back for all those times i played around

All those times i was like "im just not ready to take this relationship to the next level" Or "this is getting too heavy"

Or "yes u do look fat in that dress"

Trying to start a fight

Hoping they break up with me

And i shoulda known that Karma

that BITCH!!!

She was just storing that shit up

Knowing one day she'd get me

One day it would be my heart on the line and she would hang me out to dry

and seek her vengeance

They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

My woman is Karma

that BITCH



Back story: I had told her in the beginning that I didn't want to flirt with her. She was precisely the kind of girl I could fall for. And I wasnt trying to fall. Besides she was involved. She didn't listen. We communicated mainly via email. These are the relevant bits...


Smf:She's totally self-absorbed and self satisfying. I'm not going to go into a rant but suffice to say, I dont see that in you.

Karma's Vengeance:So ok, that's your ex...any current?

Smf:no, you have anyone in mind?

KV:well, let me be honest, I would love to keep a stand up guy like you for myself...but I think that would be greedy... I know a couple of nice girls, what are your specs? lol

Smf:I will restrain from flirting with you because I have flirted with "involved" girls before and it has always ended badly =P. My specs?...well let me see i haven't really thought about this... 36-24-42 with perfect skin, faultless toned legs, eyes deeper than the pacific and a smile that would light up new york in a blackout... i'm easy

KV:damn! And I match that description as well

Smf:too bad about that man of yours

KV:lol - too bad indeed


And despite my initial misgivings, I flirted continuously with her. And shamelessly, she reciprocated. And then one day ...

Im looking at her

Shes looking at me

I can see the fiery

passion of desire in her eyes

She wants me just as much as i want her

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Friday: leave work at 5:02pm. Damn, two minutes later than planned.

Head to the Laundromat, need to pick something up, walk in. Cute girl standing to the side, seems she's waiting her turn. I go to get in line behind her. She waves me forward.

No, I'm not in line. Go ahead

Oh okay.

I walk up to the counter.

Picking up a corset..brought it in yesterday

I look back at her, she's smiling, a slightly puzzled smile

Yea I like to dress up on the weekends, I say with a sly smile

She laughs

So what are you picking up?

Not a corset

Ha! You got jokes. Actually I'm picking it up for a friend

Mhmm. Girlfriend?

Haha no. Just a friend

Are you Nigerian?

That obvious eh?

No actually, I saw your badge

Oh, are you Nigerian then?

Nah, I'm Ghanian.

Cool. I love Ghanian women. I gotta run, but you should give me your number

Ok. 07blah. My name's Rita, what's yours?

Smf. Nice meeting you. I'll call you

As I walk out I send her a text:

You're cute!

From

Cute guy in the laundromat.

Saturday: Sleep till noon. Call Rita. We talk, she's into me. Cool. I'm seeing her tuesday.

8pm. Headed to a bar in Soho. Green Park tube station. I see this girl, she looks familiar

Excuse me

Oh hi! she smiles, how are you?

Oh I'm great. This is embarassing, but where do I know you from?

Uni, and it's ok

Oh right! We were never formally introduced. I'm Smf.

I'm Tonia.

Nice to meet you, where's ur accent from?

Ghana

Get outta here! That's not a ghanian accent

She laughs, Yes it is

That's good then, cause I love Ghanian women

So what are you up to these days?

I teach, her big brown eyes smile at me as she bats thick eyelashes

Listen, I'm off at the next stop, but you should give me your number, we should hook up, I choose my words carefully

Yea of course. I'd love to

She hugs me, lingers a little long. I almost miss my stop. I'll call her tonight

Sunday:1:30pm. Church was good today. Headed home. I'm starving, should have had breakfast. Stop at BK Canary wharf. I go to sit down. There's two girls in the corner. One is smiling at me.

Hi, She says

Hi, I smile back

Do I know you? Have we met?

OMG did this girl just use a line on me? She's cute, I'll let her off, her friend's cuter though.

Err, I'm not sure, did you go to Blah Uni?

No. I guess you just look like someone I know then.

Yea. I guess I have one of those faces. I'm Smf

I'm Fi, she takes my hand, and this is my sister Lulu

Ah sisters! That's a lovely name, where is it from? directed at Lulu

Fi chirps in, It's Zimbabwean

Really? I love Zim women

That's good! Where are you from?

Nigerian

kewl, do you want to sit with us?

We sat, we ate, we talked, we laughed.

I'm going to visit them at their little spinster pad near the Wharf next weekend. Fi insisted on it when I told her I'd never had a Zimbabwean woman cook for me. Wish me luck!

I just started talking to this one girl a couple of weeks back. Thought it was getting serious. This sort of thing always happens when I start to get serious with a girl

I started typing this yesterday but didn't post it. Then I read Sexkitten's TOUGH LUCK post this morning.

It doesn't take much to put me off something and when it's something I'm already less than inclined towards, it takes even less.

So as I sit here and listen to my flatmate and his girlfriend of 5 years argue bitterly over something as trivial as him wanting to watch a rugby game, I wonder, is it worth it?

She doesn't live in london so they dont see each other often; maybe two weekends a month. He goes over there sometimes, but mostly she comes here. And everytime she's here, I hear them argue. Everytime.

I'm sure they were happy once. I'm sure there was a time when they didnt fight. When everything was bliss. When it seemed as though love had conquered all. But all I see now is bitterness. fighting, backbiting, pain, crying, frustration.

My flatmate and his girlfriend aren't peculiar either. My other flatmate and her long term boyfriend,as far as I know, fight weekly. But they're long distance between the US and the UK so they have a different problem. I have friends as well (not many, couples tend to encourage coupledom too enthusiastically), and they dont seem that happy in their relationships. He's cheating, she's cheating, they're both cheating. You go over to visit them and the air in the room is so tense you're afraid to speak for fear ur words would fall to the ground and shatter.

No one tells you all of this going in. There's no contract to sign. No fine print. We basically just give away our most valued possession, in hopes that it will be reciprocated. And reciprocated fairly. No guarantees.

Maybe Sexkitten's philosophy is the right one. Keep things uncomplicated. You're dick, she's pussy. Or vice versa. But then, this still poses the problem of one of y'all catching feelings. Which is why I was so ecstatic to stumble accross this

And looking seriously at this, and at myself. I find that maybe i'm not as much of a risk taker as I would like to believe. Because to be honest, risks like this, scare the shit out of me. Especially now.

I have recently been caught up in a fairytale of my own. Maybe this was the wakeup call I need. So, someone tell me. Relationships, are they worth it?

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed.

Scribbles the Bachelor

p.s. is there a reason why there's a booty call agreement and not a relationship agreement? maybe because one is more valid than the other? just a question

1. I've had 2 close shaves with jail time. Both as a result of sex.

This is true.

I was 18. They were 17. The first one was a virgin or so she said. I only found out after we had slept together on the day that we met. So I was a little skeptical, but I accepted it. But when I didnt want to be in a relationship with her she started acting out. One day she called me and she was crying on the phone. Then a mans voice came on the phone.

YOU FUCKED MY DAUGHTER?? YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU COCKSUCKER. MY BROTHER'S A COP AND WE'RE GONNA COME OVER THERE AND HAUL YOUR ASS OFF TO JAIL. SHE'S ONLY 17 YOU KNOW. A MINOR. THAT'S STATUTORY RAPE. YOU'RE GOING TO PRISON BUDDY

Then his brother comes on the phone.

What's you address?

*Click*

Man hell no. I turned my phone off, got on my knees and prayed. Hard.

The second one was a bit more comical. I went to pick up this girl from her parents house. I was driving uninsured, as most of us Nigerians tend to do at some point. She gave me head as I drove. Always a pleasure. We got to our "spot" and I parked, we got into the backseat and proceeded to do the nasty.

Woop woop

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. We put our clothes back on in record time

*knock knock* License and registration please

Now in the state of Michigan, if you dont have insurance, your registration is revoked. So I gave him my license and my expired registration card and tried to feign ignorance .

So uh, what u kids doing out here. this time of night? he said. Cocked eyebrow, stern voice

Just driving, getting some air *gulp*

Right, did you know your registration has been revoked? They always ask "did you know" knowing that you know, I didnt know. Or at least that's what I told him. He didnt believe me. He knew I knew he didnt believe me.

Ma'am, can I see some ID?, he looks at the girl in the back with her panties around her ankes, clad only in my jacket

I dont have any on me.

How old are you ma'am?

Seventeen

Really?

Shit shit shit SHIIIIT'!! omo girl yi, lie now

He walked away to talk to his partner for a few minutes and came back after what seemed like years to say

I'm going to let you go this time. Go straight home and park the car and make sure you fix the insurance on this first thing tomorrow morning. And you know she's not legal age. Dont let us catch you sneaking into the woods again. Goodnight!

I jejely went and dropped homegirl at her house, went back to mine, snuck in and prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. A friend of mine had just got thrown in jail for similar stuff the previous month...I was shitting bricks. Funny, both these girls had the same name. I should prolly stay away from girls with that name

2. I once got so drunk, I stripped off naked and did jumping jacks in front of all the people on my floor in uni halls. About 15 of them. Male and female

This is false. I wasn't drunk. The rules of truth or dare are clear. First day at Ann Arbor State College. I was a dumb 17 yr old kid, with my first ever taste of freedom. We were all getting to know each other. There was no alcohol because no one had yet figured out how to sneak it onto campus for a bunch of minors. We were bored, so we started playing games. At least 5 people stripped to their birthday suits. Including this pretty little girl I dared. She had a tattoo of a rose on her right butt cheek...or was it a heart...not sure now. But anyway, she dared me right back. I couldnt say no now, could I?

3. I lost my virginity at age 11

This is true. Unfortunately all of you who classed me as an agbero are correct. She was our 17 yr old neighbours daughter. She came over all the time, or I went over to hers. One day we watched a movie with some nudity and sexual content. By the time it was over, I had a suspicious bulge in my pants. I matured early. ;-P. She glanced at it, then at me

So do you like what they did in the movie?

A very shy Yes

Do you want to try it?

I looked at her. She was smiling at me.

Yes.

Ok. She took her clothes off and lay back on the couch.

I stared for a full minute. I had never seen real live boobies before! I climbed on top of her an proceeded to suck them dry.

After about 10 minutes sucking, pressing, squeezing, she goes.

Aren't you going to put it in?

Put what in?

You know, like in those blue films you watch.

Shit! how did she know about my stash?

She smiled to calm me down. Its ok, just put it in.

So I did, and came spectacularly quickly. She chuckled.

Not to worry, you'll be better next time. Come by tomorrow

And we went on like that for 2 years, then we moved. And it was to be another 7 years before I would taste the sweet nectar of love again.

So yes, AfroBabe, No limit and theicequeen were right. Lady Koko, sorry babe

This is my 25th post. Yay!! Happy 25th to me!!!

Today is my sister's birthday. Today is also the day she takes her driving theory test. I sent her a text saying Good luck in your theory test. 30 minutes later, I remembered to send her a text saying Happy Birthday. I'm an amazing older brother arent I?


The place: Michigan Central Station
The time: 3:25pm

It was a cold winter day and I had just missed my connecting train to Ann Arbor. The next one was in an hour. Ah well, might as well get that delicious hot dog I always promise myself I wont get, but end up getting anyway. Those things are delicious if you're ever in Detroit at Central Station be sure to pick one up.

It was while I was eating this small package of unhealthy deliciousness that I noticed this pretty good looking (I'm comfortable enough to acknowledge that he was good looking) black guy, with blue eyes. We made eye contact, and I looked away before he thought I was mocking his choice of eye color. I thought nothing further of it after that.

After a few minutes, I started to get restless. I got up and walked over to the ticketing booth.

Any other trains going ot Ann Arbor?

Next one is at 4:20

None sooner?

No.

Ok.

I looked at my watch. 3:45. Went to the toilet, did a tinkle, walked the length of a platform, came back in, read the paper, looked at my watch. 3:57. Damn!

I went and stood under the big clock in the middle of the station and tried to will it to move faster. I was concentrating hard so I didnt hear any one come up behind me.

Excuse me, deep Afro-American voice

I spun around. It was Mr. Blue Eyes.

Do you have the time?

Erm, I glanced at my watch, then at him, then at the HUGE clock we were standing underneath.


Erm, it's about 4 o'clock.

Oh ok, cool...So, where u from?

Over in Ann Arbor, came from visiting family?, my naive 18 year old self answered, "You?"

Oh, I'm from Philly, just passing through really, just like you. *chuckles* I'm Jason.

I took his outstretched hand. I'm Smf

Oh cool, thats a really unique name, where is it from?

It's Nigerian.

Word...So, uh, you wanna go to the bathroom?

Huh?

You wanna go do something?, He winked and smiled.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

I said no thank you and legged it outta there. My tight, manly arse!!! God forbid! I had just seen American History X and I was happy being able to sit down painlessly, thank you very much. If this post at all came out sounding like a woman typed it, it's because I've never felt so much like a woman than at that very moment. Turning down the advances of a man.

I went and hid somewhere till 4:15 and then ran to the platform, got on my train and cowered in the corner. I am not homophobic. Well not too homophobic. But I am something-up-my-ass-phobic.

Jason, and i'm using his real name, if you're out there, you could have at least bought me dinner first, before you asked to enter an exit only zone, but no hard feelings yea? Seriously NO HARD FEELINGS!!!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles, the Bachelor

so i tallied up the votes and it seems the R2W story won. Gay guy was a close second so that'll be tomorrows gist.


And while we danced we talked.

You said you made a. Promise to God. I really don't want to make you break that promise.

Ok

But I can I just eat you?

I don't know. If you do and its good then I'll be hooked on you. I don't want to be hooked on you if you're not sure you want to be with me.

Ok. Fair enough.

And we slow danced some more. My hands explored her body. As she faced away from me, eyes closed, basking in the moment. Then my fingers brushed the spot between her thighs.

She was wet, very wet.

She gasped and turned around to face me. She kissed me and pulled me over to the bed. She lay down, and I went down on her.

...

We lay there in the afterglow...

You should come by tomorrow. I'll repay the favor. I'll cook for you even.

She was an amazing cook. I smiled, I'll be here.

I never went back.

That evening I was talking with one of my boys, AJ, and I brought her up because she had had mentioned him, in not so flattering terms.

Oh really? Her? Hahahahahahahaha. Good for you man.

What do you mean?

Her head game is sick man. Definitely get in there.

What?

Wait do you like this girl? Oh, I shouldn't have said anything. Forget I said anything.

No, I want to know what I'm getting into. Have you slept with her? I can handle it if you have, everyone has a past.

Ok, yes. But bruv listen, I should warn you, its not just me. You know CJ? He did too, and a couple of his friends.

Oh.

So yea, I wouldnt say you should wife her. But definitely get in there. She fucks like a rockstar.

She called me a few times that night and I just let it ring through. I wasnt ready to talk to her yet. She kept calling the next day, and I finally picked up.

Why haven't you returned my calls? Are you still coming today?

I don't think so.

What? Why not? I thought we'd made plans.

I know, but I've been thinking. And the truth is I'm not really trying to be in a relationship right now (with you). I don't want to string you along, so I dont really think we should see each other anymore.

*Click* She hung up.

She called back an hour later.

I'm tired of your games. I told you I'd get hooked on you and now you do this. You're an asshole. Lose my number.

*Click*I didnt hear from her again for a while.

A couple of weeks later, her roomate, who happened to be a relative of mine was visiting.

Smf how come you dont visit "us" anymore now?

Blah blah..it's never going to work out between me and her..blah blah.

Hmm ok, she's been talking about u o..anyway, can you drop me at home?

Red flags went up. I didnt really want to go there. Was this a trap?

Err, ok.

We got there and I wasn't going to get out of the car. But she had bags that my mom had given her. I needed to help her bring them in.

When I walked into the house, the tension was palpable, tangible even. She wouldnt look at me. A few of our friends were there and I could feel them squirming in their seats. Anyone who was unaware that there was an issue was quickly made aware. I left as quickly as I could.

As I reached the car door, I heard my name. She had followed me out of the house. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me. That evil kiss, that sent chills up my spine and made my knees weak. I kissed her back for a while, then I pulled away.

I'm sorry

I got in the car and drove away.

She kept calling me for awhile and eventually gave up.

6 months later, I hear she's with someone new. I'm happy for her, but happier for myself; because every time I had run into her, she seemed to think we were going to get back together. Thank God and the man who took her off my back, i thought, now we could be friends.

And we are, as friendly as the situation would allow. She's engaged now. He popped the question. And she said yes. She's happy, he's happy and i'm ecstatic for them. But still I couldn't help it when the first thought that popped into my head when I heard the news was

BULLET DODGED!!!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles the Bachelor

*That takes the cake as the most random Blackberry message i've ever received; I wont explain it because I still dont understand it myself

*I came home yesterday and there was 5 hot, naked women, in my bedroom. I luuurrrve my cousin mahn!

This is me: "Erm, cous, excuse us please, we need to....talk".

Needless to say I wasn't allowed in the room. My own bedroom, which I pay rent for, I was kicked out of... travesty....strike one...

*I had quite an embarrasing fall this morning...

Thankfully it was in my bedroom, and usually it would have gone unwitnessed. But the cousin, was there to see it...and laughed at me for 10 minutes. Damn her! It was her fault too. I had sprayed my cologne into the air and was about to walk through it when I realised she had moved my shag rug (hehe...yep, it lives up to its name) into the middle of the room. I didnt wanna step on it in my shoes but I still wanted to catch the mist, so i did this awkward twisty matrix move and ended up in a heap....yes...all her fault...strike two...

she's walking on thin ice now...grrrr

*I have so many ideas for my next blog but can't decide which one to go with, so the buck's with you now. I've decided to put the content of my next post up to a vote... what do the readers want to see next?

• the conlusion to the R2W story ....
• the answers to my two truths and a lie... OR
• the then scary but and now hilarious story of the time I was hit on by a gay guy

Comment to vote. Each reader/commenter is allowed a maximum of 3 votes each. The number of votes per topic determines the order in which I post them: Most votes first, the runner up second...u get the drill. Have fun!

Voting now open!

Stay sexy, in, and out of bed

Scribbles the Bachelor

To: AG
From: JM
Subject:I long for you.
Tuesday 10 March 9:43am

It has been too long
Too long since I last felt
Your not-so-hard hardness
Your not-so-possessive embrace
Too long since I inhaled
The sweet scent of your maturity
Since I watched the flame of fascination and childish pleasure
Stoked in your eyes upon my riding
Upon the sight of my lithe young body
Bouncing atop yours
Slow pointed deliberate strokes
Possessing, reveling, loving, taking
Igniting my passion, my love, my Sweet
You, my source of boundless inspiration
I hide, we hide, and yes it is hidden
For a passion like ours withers upon scrutiny
Your daughter, my sister, my best friend, my twin
Mother to my nieces, my brother her love
Judgment inevitable
Damn them to hell!
For who should care what we do, you and I?
Who, who, I say?
The woman that bears your ring and your seed?
The same whose heart I gladden each day?
My hard won clients with deep pockets
My sweat, my work, my due, all hers
I care not, and neither do you
So love me some more, watch me some more
Be fascinated by me a little more
For I care not, really I don't
For Fendis and Guccis and Louis Vuittons
I dream not of big cars and houses
Nor of you ever being completely mine
Ours is simple, a loyalty in heart
My passion is you, your passion is me
And so for now, watch me some more.

by Anon

new post to The Confessional

Those of you who have gotten to know me through my blog know that I'm many things to women...some might misconstrue me as a player(but i resent that because I'm always sincere about my intentions), a bit of an ass, a jerk, and so on and so on. But I'm straight up. There is one thing I do not condone. And that's cheating. It makes me very sad when I realise that many women go into relationships already resigned to the fact that their boyfriend/fiancee/husband (delete as appropriate) is going to cheat. Or vice versa. it shouldnt be so.

I got into a heated debate with my flatmates on the weekend. The issue;

If your significant other cheats on you, would you stay with them?

My answer: A flat NO

Flatmate1:"What if you were married?"

Me:"No"

Fl1:"But what about "till death do us part"? you would be breaking your vows!"

Me:"What about "forsaking all others, be faithful.."? She already broke them"

"Essentially, she has taken our marriage, our union and shared that with someone else, I'm not saying I wont forgive her, I will in time, but the marriage is over"

Fl2:"What if you have kids?"

Me:"Still no"

Fl2:"So you will let your kids grow up in a broken home? You need to think of what's best for them"

Me:"I am thinking of what's best for them. The truth is whether I stay or leave, they will be growing up in a broken home. I will never look at their mother the same way again. She is no longer my wife..and that's biblical. In leaving, I believe I'm setting the right example for my kids. You don't stay with somebody that treats you badly, cheating or otherwise. Kids pick up on these things and it affects them in later life. I dont want my daughter thinking 'My boyfriend is cheating on me. It hurts, but the same thing happened to my mom, and she still stayed with my dad and worked through it....repeatedly"

Fl1:"It's funny because now that I think of it, the two people saying they'll stay are in long term relationships, and the two that are saying they'll leave are single. You dont know how it is"

(did I mention I wasnt alone in my conviction?...enter the SenseTalker!!)

ST:"You have a point. But does the fact that you are in a long term relationship and very invested mean that you should continue to take shit? Sometimes you need to cut your losses"

Me: "Also, to go back to your earlier argument, I'm tired of this notion that children need to have everything sugarcoated for them. Sometimes, when things arent ok, they need to be told things arent ok! So they dont go out and make the same mistakes that you made. I'm not saying to tell your 6 year old that daddy is a cheating scumbag, but when they're in their late teens and understand some of the vilitudes of life, you might want to tell them what has happened in your life, how it affected you, how you dealt with it, how you pulled through, the mistakes you made along the way"...which brings me to another point...

Why do parents, nigerian ones in particular insist on portraying an infallible image to their children?

....but that's another days rant.

We went on and on with neither side backing down..even though our argument made way more sense :-P

I have a friend who has been in two relationships in the time that I've known her. Both guys have cheated on her relentlessly...and she knows they have. She calls me all the time crying, upset because she saw him with some chick, or she read an email or a text, or he's on the phone for hours after he tells her he's going to sleep. My standard response; "Leave him"

Then she comes up with excuses,

"But I dont have the energy to start looking for another boyfriend now"
Who said you have to? Maybe you need to try and be by urself for a while...figure out what you want out of life...outside of a man.

"If I can just get him to stop"
You really think that's going to happen?

"I love him".
He doesnt seem to love you very much does he?

SHE WANTS TO MARRY THIS DUDE!!! *shakes head*

You might have noticed that I dont have very much patience for cheaters, and the people that stay with them. I'm not saying that all situations are the same, I recognise that there might be some other issues. But if your SO(significant other) cheats on you more than once, that should be bye-bye. For me, it's one strike...but that's me.

If I ever cheated in a relationship, I would expect to be treated the same way. I would love to be forgiven and taken back, but should I be kicked to the curb, I would understand completely.

The truth is, where is a relationship supposed to go from there. Trust is lost, resentment begins to take root. The guilty party becomes defensive because of the lack of trust..constant fights, which might eventually lead to him or her cheating again..or better still, the wronged party seeking revenge by engaging in his or her own indiscretions. I've been entangled in one of these webs before, so I know, it's not pretty.

I might be viewed as myopic because of this, but I've broken off relationships because I was liable to cheat. The way I see it, if I cant keep it in my pants for her, then I dont deserve to be with her. Or I cant care about her as much as I say and think I do. Its that simple.

Anyway, blogville, I'd like to hear your views. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife/partner cheats. Stay or go?

continued from...

quite possibly the best I've ever had. I pulled away, and after I'd quickly pulled myself together (i literally had goosebumps) I said,

"I thought you said you dont kiss on the first date" *cheeky smile*

"Shut up"

I leaned in to kiss her again. Till this day, I still havent seen the 2nd half of Pirates of the Carribean II. Anyone have it on DVD?

Afterwards, we made plans to meet up again the following day. I was going to go to her place, and she was going to cook for me. Sounded good.

So I turned up, we ate, watched a bit of tv, and then started to fool around a bit. For someone who had "made a promise to God", she was surprisingly willing to dry hump me. I was quite unsurprisingly willing to reciprocate. As we lay there, resting, in between makeout sessions, she suddenly asks;

"So, what are we? what are we doing here?"

"Err, well, we're just kinda getting to know each other", I stuttered

R2W: "Ok, but where do u want this to go?"

Me: "Erm, it's still early days, I dont know just yet. But I think this might be moving a little fast"

"Maybe we should slow down"

R2W:"What do you mean? Slow down how?"

Me:"Maybe we should be friends first, get to know each other"

R2W:"Oh ok, define friends, cause I dont kiss my friends"

Me: "Ok, that's fair, so no kissing, no touching, no making out for awhile. Lets just get to know each other in a platonic sense first"

R2W:"Ok then", she looks at me,"lets start tomorrow"

*rumble rumble tussle tussle*

She gave me an ultimatum, a month from then I was to have made up my mind what we were doing and stopped "all this lets be friends nonsense"

We lasted about 4 days without the physical... well, I lasted about 4 days. She tried to kiss me the following day when we met up, but I turned away, like I'd said I would (I dont care if y'all dont believe me, it's true). She said I was rude and walked away. I pulled her back, kissed her on the forehead and told her to be patient.

She didnt have to be patient for long. A few days later, I went to see her, after countless arguments on the phone about how I needed to make up my mind or tell her if I didnt want her. I did. But I wasnt sure I wanted to commit to a relationship that sex had been precluded out of.

We lay on her bed, cuddling, her facing away, watching a movie. I stroked her arm.

"So are you going to kiss me or not?"

Now, there is only so much discipline a man can have. So I turned her around and missed most of another movie. I wasnt too bothered though, I'd seen that one before. A few minutes later, she asks me to leave the room for a few minutes. I was a little confused, but I obliged.

When she called me back in, she had changed out of her clothes and was only encumbered by a black lace bodice and panties. Raheem Devaughn was singing every word about her, and she wanted to dance...

TBC..apparently my blogs are too long..so I'm splitting em up...the rest coming soon